Christmas--Am I the only one with Crazies?

Christmas can be difficult. This year we had a pleasant Christmas. Wade and I try hard to make it that way. It takes awhile to figure out how we want Christmas to be for our family and what traditions we want to create. We had our normal Mexican feast for the ninth time in a row. I made a version of Cafe Rio pork burritos and salad and my usual salsa. It was tasty. But the cool thing we did this year was we did our little program before dinner. The kids weren't so tired and what were we to do that afternoon anyways? We read the Christmas story. Lydia was the angel, Andrea was Mary, Damon (we couldn't get to dress up) was Joseph, Bella of course was baby Jesus and Daddy was a shepherd. It was chaotic and wonderful. We kept saying to the kids, "Get back over here." "Please sit down and listen to the story." It was a lot of fun. We had them open their presents of Christmas jammies and we talked about the symbols of Christmas. We set out cookies and milk for Santa and we watched the Grinch Who Stole Christmas and just had a nice time. We say no to extended family on Christmas eve. I'm talking about the EVE people! I am a good person. I am a good person. Christmas Day we love the extended family! I'm sure it won't always be that way. Its not easy to do. I am not wicked. I am not wicked. We like to stay home by ourselves since we have such small children that go to bed early. I want to keep the focus on the children and not whoever is visiting with us. And mostly we want peace. One time Wade and I got in an argument on Christmas eve after returning from my moms house. It was so horrible to be unhappy on Christmas eve. It was a learning experience trying to figure out how we want to celebrate Christmas together as a new family.

This year in the back of my mind I kept thinking about the way I was screamed at on the phone and how I had to hang up on them on Christmas eve eve. "I'll never forgive you for this." she said to me. I am a good wife and mother. I am a good wife and mother. I kept wondering if we made the right decision. I am not evil. I am not evil. I am a good person. I am a good person. I felt a lot of guilt. I asked Wade about it. He said he had no doubts we did the right thing. See? You did what was right. You did what was right. We put our family first. The family I came from and the family he came from doesn't come first anymore. This is our only opportunity to raise our children the way we need to. Soon they will be grown. We want to protect and create the environment we want for our children. I remember so much lately the feelings I had as a child. I told myself that some things would be different in my marriage and for my children. Sometimes life is confusing. I think this day in age is more scary. I can't let the man in the street who has no place to go into my home---because of my children. I can't just invite anyone into our space. My children come first. "You shouldn't try to shield them from everything, your being cruel and uncompassionate. Children are resilient and learn from it." It is true that I can't shield them from everything. But I WILL shield them from as much as I can. It is my duty as a mother to protect. Its not like life won't come at them anyways. I think about the conversations I heard as a child and shudder. I remember so many inappropriate things I heard and saw. Its not right to have a child worry about adult things they have no control over. I didn't realize then as a child how challenging it would be to step up and say, "no, I'm doing things a different way, no matter what anyone says or thinks or reacts about it." Even with all my efforts, I'm not a perfect mother. I'm not yet the mother I envision myself to be all the time. I wish I was. That's when repentance and the Savior comes in and helps me.

So I found myself getting very giggly and excited for Santa to come! I was surprised but then I remembered last year on Christmas eve I was excited too. I guess its just the first of December when there is soo much to do before Christmas that I feel like a scrooge about Santa and everything. But in reality its all soo worth it! Christmas eve and Christmas day have to be one of the best days of the year. Its so fun! The first year Wade and I were married we spent Christmas with my brother and I watched my sister-in-law put lights and netting underneath the Santa presents. It made it so special. This year I tried it and although I don't know if the kids really noticed....I loved it!

I started writing this post a week or more ago and questioned myself about posting it. After talking to my sister and how much fun she had on Christmas with all her in-laws I started feeling a little guilty...as usual...about keeping Christmas eve to ourselves. She said that your family is not just your husband and kids and that your extended family is important to spend with too. I wished I felt like that. Then she said that only the last couple of years has she felt good about Christmas and its taken her a long time to get over feeling on edge about the whole Christmas thing. As we talked we said how things may change in the future and for now Wade and I chose to do what was right for us. We are building a sure foundation for our family...that's about all we can handle right now.

I'm so happy for my four children. They make life exciting and fun. I'm so happy to have a good husband.

Last night for FHE I couldn't stop smiling. We started singing Families can be Together Forever. Lydia started singing along right from the beginning and then she started prancing and dancing around the living room. It was so natural for her to do it. Its like she couldn't help herself and she had no worry about who was watching. I call her my little fairy. Andrea is very proper and yet so clumsy. She is in an awkward stage. She was wrestling with Lydia and Damon and smacked the back of her head and got a good bump after FHE. Soon after that she trips over something or stubs her toe. She is so fun to talk to and kid around with. I was teaching her to braid her dolls hair. Damon is just all over the place! He is VERY smart. He chooses not to talk right now. Its a joy to be in Bella's presence every day.

I stopped potty training Damon because of the holidays. I will post about it when I start again.

And that my friends is finally a post. Hate it or love it! Boom Boom Chicalaca!

Fried

What happens when a seven year old spends all day at school, comes home works on a 'hard' puzzle, does her homework and reads for 20 minutes?---a fried brain. She stubs her foot screams at mom (my fault of course) and runs to her room crying.
Lydia said, "What happened to Andrea's heart? Did it turn into a mean heart?"
After laughing at the question I said, "no, her brain is just fried."

potty training post coming soon!

Am I making life hard? Or is it really hard?
Imagine yourself today. What do you have to do today? Nothing?---lets hope not! Although it slightly sounds nice. Yesterday I had a list of things to do. When I stay at home and just focus on the house, dinner and kids it goes smoothly. But I needed to get to a few stores and start on my Christmas gift project. I'm not the best crafty person. So this little cricut machine is taking me awhile to figure out. I also have to feed the people. My house is very small for 6 people. I have no room to get out projects. But I had to try and my kichen table had all the cricut stuff out and it took me a long time to get going. By the time I finally figured out what I was doing--the people were hungry. Andrea was needing attention getting home from school and the the three other children....they are always needing something. I wished I could leave my project out somewhere away from the people. I'm completly overwhelmed and wish this was a day that Wade got home early. He comes home and is hungry and tired...and so am I. After dinner is over and my project a mess amongst the dinner stuff on the table I feel like running away. I can't breath again! I take Bella into my room and lock the door. I feel like taking a bath but Bella is awake. I think she might be getting sleepy so I lay on the bed and play with her. I hear the other children running around being loud. Its not long before they are at my door.
"Mommy Andrea isn't being nice to me!"
"No, she is LYING, she is the one turning off all the lights and yelling at Damon!"
I hope they can just work it out. I'm thinking to myself if I can just take a few moments to myself I can be more patient with my children until bedtime. Wade takes a shower and when I come out of my room Andrea has cleared the table from dinner-part of her daily chores. I feel bad because my fuse is short and I have been raising my voice during the evening. Wade comes out and helps me for a minute with this rediculouse sticker maker machine.
"I want to make a card!"
"I want to make a card!"
"I want to make a card for my teacher."
"Mommy, Mommy, I want to make a card too!!"
"Mommy I want to make a card too."
"Okay Okay, just stay back for a minute I'm trying to figure this out."
I desperatly cut out their cards in hopes they will leave me alone so I can focus on what I need to do. I still haven't accomplished...anything for my project! And Damon keeps screeching at everyone because he wants to be in the middle of everything.

Well when the kids finally go to bed I work hard until late to get what I needed done. I did take that bath before going to sleep. But it wasn't a restful night. Bella was up a lot and Damon woke up crying too. It makes me wonder how anyone can raise children and do any type of hobby. I don't like to work on my projects when the kids go to bed because....I...am...exhausted! Is there no rest in this life??!!

Today is the same trying to figure out how to get things done with 3 or 4 children needing me constantly. This time I need to get business done. Invoicing, deposits, bookwork, go to the bank, go to the post office....and of course feed the people! Am I running out of milk again? I may have to go to the store too. I really need to get my student loan refinance stuff in. It, my friends is never ending and I wonder how I will manage. I actually thought how nice it must be for Wade to go to work. I go to work everyday with 3 clamoring children at my heels. I really can't explain it. But I wouldn't have it any other way. Infact I must really like it because its what I've created. I'm successfully at my limit. While talking to Wade this morning before he headed off to work I cried to him......again....and I said I could have more patience with the children if I could get just a little break. If I could have just a couple of hours to myself in the house with everyone gone. He acted fine like it was a simple thing for him to do this weekend. Maybe I need to ask more for what I need...in a direct way! If I just say my affirmations, pray and refocus I am sure to have a good day today. If I just determine to myself that it is a great day...then it will be. I hope to do just that.
love and light

I cooked.

From about 11:00 on today I cooked on and off until 4. But I was happy to do it. I realized to myself, I do love to cook, I do, I like cooking. I just don't like to cook every day. When what you love becomes work....that's when its not fun anymore. It would be amazing to have every other day a cooking day. So today I made chicken noodle soup, my noodles were beautiful this time. Why can't I improve on my mothers technique for cooking noodles?...I thought to myself. I used a pizza cutter to make straight even lines. My mom would have been proud. I also made an awesome apple spice cake. I've been wanting to make one for a few days. I made a caramel sauce to go over it. Yum yum! I then made my best dinner rolls. I was able to deliver part of this feast to a new mom in the ward.



Also I left my cell phone in the car last night by mistake. And I thought about it a couple of times but liked the fact that it was away for a day.



My kids were pleasant and charming today. Damon gallops around the house. It is so cute. At night when I put him to bed he does this noise and points to the door. I know that he wants a drink. I say, "Oh you want this?" and I point to my mouth and whimper and pretend like I'm drinking from a cup and that I'm really thirsty. He laughs and laughs and does it with me as he shakes his head emphatically as if to say, "yes yes that it what I want." Someday he will speak.



I keep thinking how delightful and pleasant Lydia is to be around. I love the way she moves and speaks. She is so easy to be around. I think I'm actually going to be really sad when she starts kindergarten. She is like my little friend around the house and such a great helper with either Damon or Baby Bella. The year before Andrea went to kindergarten she was on my case all the time about what we were doing all day. Its amazing the different personalities.



Andrea is my little grown-up poor thing. She worries about everything. I feel bad lately because we argue before school about getting ready and then when she comes home we argue about chores and homework. I've got to figure her out better!



Bella is my Angel Baby. She is eating rice cereal and fruits. She loves it! She is such a happy baby! I'm enjoying every moment. We took her with us on our date Friday night to dinner and a movie. She was sooo good it was unbelievable and at 6 months.



I marvel all the time that I have four kids!

I don't believe in Santa Clause.

Every year I struggle with the lie. Why? I really do not get it.

I don't understand this whole Santa Clause thing at all. I never remember believing in Santa Clause when I was a kid. Maybe that was because I was the youngest of 6 kids and my parents stopped putting any effort into Santa. If I did ever believe, I don't remember it. Why should an imaginary person get the credit for MY gifts? How about you better be nice, or I won't give you presents this year? And when does it all end? When do I break the news to my sweet child who believes with all their little heart that Santa is real? All the movies, all the books, all the ploys and stories that we as parents do to keep Santa alive--it feels almost wrong. He isn't alive. If I didn't create Santa, there would be no Santa. My daughter said last night, "I must not have written it right in the letter to Santa last year because I said an all about me doll instead of an American Girl doll. He must not have known what I was talking about. Because my cousins all got American Girl dolls and I asked them how they got it and they said....Santa." What do I say to that? I will continue the tradition of our society and Santa will come, but I don't like it. I like keeping Christ in Christmas. I would rather the idea that we give gifts for each other because we want them to feel special, loved and appreciated. We give you gifts because we are so grateful you are a part of our family and we are honored to make the sacrifices we do to love, raise, teach and serve you. We give gifts because we are grateful to be given the greatest gift of all......the gift of our perfect Savior and his Atoning sacrifice for us. We give gifts to our children because they themselves are a gift to us.

I am Light

I miss my beautiful sister.
I change the sheets on my bed....every two weeks the latest! So, what was that bug doing in my sheets??!! AAHHHH! But I only found one. I looked for more. So I decided to wash my mattress cover. :-s

My mind has been working hard this past month. I've been trying to figure out how to have a happy life realizing that I will never fully grow up. I'll always be that daughter. "Oh wait until I turn 18 and move out of this house." "I can't wait until the day when I have my own family." I don't know what I was thinking but it gave me hope during tough times. This last month I wondered where the hope was. Why can't the chaos of a certain family member go away? Am I plagued forever? So I've been learning some new things to help me. Oh, its so frustrating. Sometimes I feel good about things. Then it turns sour. I'm trying to reclaim my power and my boundaries. This helps me:

Thank You Heavenly Father
I am safe
I am protected
I am nurtured
I am powerful
I am bravely facing my fears and they are powerless in my stare
I am content

Thank You God
I am happy
I am breathing fully and freely
I breathe in all of life's strength and joy
I move thru life with grace and ease
I am enough
I step into my life with trust
I am peace
I am just noticing and observing
Thank You God

I say these things out loud to myself. I'm trying to control the negative self talk and replace it with positive affirmations. The more I say it and think it the more it is true.

"Our worst fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God: Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us. It is not just some of us, it is in everyone and as we let our own light shine we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."-----MaryAnn Williamson used by Nelson Mandella

That quote hits home to me in so many ways. We can be happy in every stage of life and share it with others. It is so important to take care of myself. The way I do that is by taking a small moment of time every day to center myself; to pray, study, and refocus what is really important. I am in love with taking baths. I got in a habit doing it because it was the only thing I could do while on bed rest. Sometimes I would take two baths a day. And now I find myself thinking about the bath I'm going to take at the end of the day. I sit in the tub, think good thinks, and breath deeply. It helps me so much.

I have been thinking about the blogging and the lack thereof from me lately. Since my husband got a job I've been wanting to write about happily ever after. But the truth is, trials come in many ways and they don't end in this life. I don't want to be doom and gloom and I don't want to pretend to be rosy rosy honky dory. So I want to be honest and real and celebrate life with all that comes. I want to be cheerful no matter what comes. And I am starting to feel that more. I would say that this last month has been an evaluation of myself; Who am I? Can I heal and be happy? Is it okay to smile in the face of adversity? Can I?

With the affirmations and other things I am learning I feel like I'm making a change. I feel like the voice in my head is believing what I am telling it to say. Yay!

And lastly....I think so much about the difference between right now and this same time last year. I am full of gratitude that I don't have the same worries as I did last year.

Love and Light

My Birthday present from Wade. I LOOOVE it!

Lydia is standing on a stool while Bella is sitting in her bouncer looking up at her smiling as Lydia sings ABBA to her. "Suppa supapa doopa, somewhere in the cloud theres you...." "I had a dream, I had a dream, you can see the river......of the fairy tales..." "Mama Mia here I go again, my my I will never let you go." words are her own variation but she has the tunes down.

What a great big sister and helper. Mostly today she has been complaining about her nose that keeps running. She says she is sick of her nose! I just hope Bella doesn't get the virus. There is no stopping the exposure but maybe the immune system will stop it, I hope.

I spent time this morning trying to continue organizing one of my kids rooms. The organizing is never ending in this very small space. I keep thinking there is just too much stuff and I need to get rid of it. The main project was puzzles. Where do I put them?

I sang to Damon and Lydia while preparing their lunch consisting of chicken noodle soup from a can. "Damon Damon Damon do you love me? Damon Damon Damon do you care? Damon Damon are you thinking of me? Damon Damon will you still be there?" I kept singing that for all of their names and spinning around the kitchen. You should have seen their shy faces. Who me? and then they laugh and giggle. I don't even know where that song is from but I think my mom used to sing it.

I found out a week ago that my washer has been leaking for months. I couldn't figure out where the mildo smell was coming from. My whole flooring is soaked from my bathroom to the kids room. I had moldy blankets under the bunk bed. It will probably take months to dry. Wade said there is a big puddle in the crawl space. Meanwhile my hot water hose is turned off to the washer until Wade gets around to fixing it. I'm not used to ever waiting for something to be fixed. Usually it is fixed immediately. I am so spoiled I guess. Meanwhile I have only cold water to wash clothes in. There was a couple of loads of laundry I have been waiting for hot water for. Will they get cleaned without hot water heating up the small particles loosening up the oils? Oh well. Plus I can't stand my soap. It has no smell!

My birthday was nice. I felt happy. The weather was perfect. Warm, sunny and no wind. Who can ask for anything more? Tomorrow I hope to be climbing Angels Landing with Bella and Wade. I think that will recharge me. I'm going to go as fast as I can since we won't have small children hiking along. Can't Wait!!!

Lydia is now sitting on the stool and she positioned Bella's bouncer next to her facing the TV as The Little Mermaid is coming on. That has to be one of Disney's best films ever because of the music! I loved that movie when I was little. Its neat how some things are timeless. I know I haven't been updating my blog lately. That is because........of life. Some things can't be blogged about. Too bad! I actually wish to blog about it. But can't. Soo look for my book to come out in about 15 years!

Shall the youth of Zion falter in defending truth and right?
While the enemy assaileth, shall we shrink or shun the fight? No!

While we know the pow'rs of darkness seek to thwart the work of God,
Shall the children of the promise cease to grasp the iron rod? No!

We will work out our salvation; we will cleave unto the truth;
We will watch and pray and labor with the fervent zeal of youth. Yes!

We will strive to be found worthy of the kingdom of our Lord,
With the faithful ones redeemed who have loved and kept His word. Yes!

True to the faith that our parents have cherished,
True to the truth for which martyrs have perished,
To God's command, Soul, Heart, and Hand,
Faithful and true we will ever stand!
Hymn 254


I think about this song a lot. I really hope my children understand those words. I also think about the psalm of Nephi. I keep wanting to read it over and over. When I first read it a couple of weeks ago I thought, "yes yes yes this is exactly how I feel!" It is awesome. I've had such a hard week. But with that sorrow for her I have felt comfort and conviction in the gospel plan. Everything will work out. Be true to your faith!

My heart is breaking for you and yours.
I am so worried about you and scared for the future.
Can't you see I love you? Can't you see we all do?
Please don't leave! I'm so sad.
All day I keep crying over you.
Don't you know she needs you? What will she do without you? Please stay! Don't go!
Think of all the good times we have had. Think of all the good times yet to be. I care so much about you. We are all so worried for you. I believe in miracles. I believe in the cealing power that binds us. Every day I will pray for you. And someday you will come back and I will cry tears of joy when you return.

At this moment I am enjoying German Chocolate Cake with ice cream for BrEaKfAsT!!!
My kids are with the hubby so no one can see! Terrible I know!! It is quite Divine. Thank you Cheryl, I kill you now!

My camera is broken. I have no pics but I went to my cousins wedding. It was a happy day!
The temple got a hold of Bro. Callister and he told them I was worthy to go in! I couldn't believe I forgot my recommend. It was a little tender mercy that I could still attend the temple. We had a great lesson yesterday in RS about tender mercies. Tender mercies happen daily from Heavenly Father that let us know he knows, cares, and loves us. Sometimes people call them nice coincidences. But if you pay attention during your day, you will recognize them. Sometimes they are acts of kindness from someone. Sometimes they are feelings of comfort and peace. Sometimes it is something random throughout the day that happens that helps you or stops something disastrous from happening. Maybe something disastrous happens like poop in the tub and grape nuts all over your counter and floor and you some how don't get mad and it doesn't ruin your day.

Doesn't anyone like the new look on my blog? Your all phantom readers!!!

I think my tummy hurts now. Thanks again Cheryl! And did you Freeze your big fat three layer piece of cake??? I think not!

My day: lots of housework and cleaning up from the trip. Deposits, invoicing, feeding people, playing with the people, FHE and.....Maggie Moo's????--i don't think I'll be ordering anything!

Book Review

Dear Chris Stewart:
I don't know how to contact you. I'm sure you'll never read this. I don't know why I have this great urge to give you feed back. Here it is:
I finished reading the 6th book of the Great and Terrible series.
I loved the subject matter and the research of the US military, other nations, political leaders and geography of the events in your books were excellent.
However I couldn't help but get the feeling that you were rushed and under pressure with dead lines to finish the books that most of your time was spent on building the characters (whom I loved) and the political story.
There were soo many conversations left out and put to the reader to fill in the blanks. When I read Anna Karenina I realized how very important conversation is. We had to assume during the many many days they were pent up in that apartment in Chicago that they talked, but the reader doesn't really know. Didn't Sam and the others change after the miracles of the blessings? Did they not talk about it amongst themselves? We as latter-day saints have to rely on the spirit and our own imaginations to understand how a healing by the priesthood power may take place. Couldn't we visualize your imagination as the writer to explain to us what was said and how it worked? Did not these people pray together? Wouldn't they have prayed before they finally ventured out of the apartment? I wanted to know more about what the Saints were doing to help each other. Could Azedah have spoken a little more and told her story to the others? Could we have witnessed the love grow more between Azedah and Sam? I think that Ammon and Luke although almost 19 would have had enough maturity and character to not have to say "dude" so much during important moments. I still wondered with Teancum: was that The (Eternal) Father he was with sometimes? Or was the Father always Neil?
I really enjoyed the perspective of the evil angels. The first book of the spirit world was VERY interesting. The war in heaven was fascinating and made me ponder a lot about it. It helped me realize what I have already been feeling with the war we are dealing with here on earth between good and evil and our family relationships. Thank you so much for that.
What happened to the guy who had the millions for Azedah? Many times when you opened the chapter it took so long for you to tell us who you were describing that I would have to go back and re-read it to visualize it correctly. I am left after reading the books wanting much more. I think it must have been very difficult to accomplish what you have done and thank you for taking this subject on. Now I know that I need more guns and water storage!
Thanks for the Ride,
Julianne

Ups and Downs

Can we talk in our room please?
He brings Bella with him and I shut the door and lock it behind us.
I don't know where to begin. I need his support.
"I feel like I can't breath. I feel like I am sufficating in our house.
I want to make rolls but the kids are clawing at me every moment!"

"You don't need to make rolls."

"I really want to. I want to have good dinners and I'm trying to keep up on the house. I want to do a good job!! I want to be a good wife and mother but I can't be perfect!" I start crying.

"You are doing a good job."

"I am? I feel like nobody cares. Nobody recognizes what I do. I clean the floor and then 20 things get spilled on it that I have to clean up."

"There is somebody who always recognizes."

I look up at him. "You mean...Heavenly Father?"
He nods yes. I sigh and I lay my head down on his chest.
"What you do takes a lot of endurance right now. Your work is never ending. Mine is like little sprints."

"I feel like I do everything for everyone."

"Andrea is getting big, you need to get organized and have her help you more."

"I feel like there are so many basic needs I am trying to keep up with that I can't get organized. I can't keep up. I'm soo tired!"

"Well, don't make rolls. We have crescent rolls in the fridge we can put in the oven and you already have the crock pot going."

"Okay."

"I really want to just take a bath and read my book."

"Go ahead."

I sigh in relief. "But...could you please please go out there and get me my book??"

"What?"

"If I go out there to get it I won't be able to come back. The kids will start clawing at me! Please?"

"Okay."

When I get out of the tub I am surprised to find the house picked up! And he kept the kids from knocking at my door! Yay! Just that 40 minutes helped me feel better. Conference was starting again and I got the nail polish out and painted the girls nails as we watched.

I talked to my dad last night. He said how we all have to support eachother right now. He said that we are all struggling and working so hard that sometimes it feels that we aren't getting the rewards from it. I said that the Lord is bound when we do what He says. Bound to keep His promises to us but we don't know when that is. We have to keep enduring, working hard keeping the commandments and know that the Lord will bless us for the good we do. Meanwhile we seek for his peace, love and strength to keep going. The roller coaster continues.......

To Feel or not to Feel?

At Mammoth with the Fam! This post was started a couple of weeks ago.

I wonder, am I hear on this earth to feel? It seems to be all about feelings. I have been feeling so much. It is a roller coaster of feelings. Feelings for my husband and children. Feelings for my siblings and parents, siblings for my in-laws, feelings for my ward sisters, feelings for my friends.

Feelings of pain came to me this week. But also feelings of hope and healing. I felt like never speaking to anyone outside of my own little family again. Go away you cause me too much pain!!!

But during my pain I was able to communicate to the people who needed to know. There is suffering going on and I can't do it alone or my sister and I to do it by ourselves! My parents are finally getting things together. Although they aren't "together," I feel so much hope that they will stop putting us kids in the middle and alone to deal with all the family dynamics.

My Dad is dating my Aunt. My aunt is my mom's sister-in-law. My dad's former sister-in-law too. I am so thrilled. She is my favorite Aunt. My two closest cousins growing up are her daughters and may become my sisters! But the worry about what my mom would think about keeled me over. At first she didn't take it well. But miraculously God stepped in and helped her see that this is Gods will and Gods way of healing our family.

Because of that child inside of me, I wondered, after my step mothers death, if my parents could get back together. But I soon realized it couldn't be. So I thought, dad better never remarry. I can't take it!! I don't want to deal with this! Can't his kids be enough? Can't we be a priority now? I always struggled with my dad putting his wife first. I knew intellectually that it was right to put your wife first....IF that person is MY mother. But she wasn't my mother, and never wanted to be. I feel that after you divorce a person you should #1 not remarry until after the kids are grown. #2 If you have to remarry, put the children at an equal priority. The children are your own flesh and blood. Children grow up so fast, and the growing up years are so important and impact every part of their adult lives. This is a perspective of a child from a divorced family.



So the selfish child did NOT want dad thinking of remarrying. But then I saw that he was very lonely....and had been for a very long time. I saw that he needed companionship. And then like a miracle in my life. He was interested in my aunt. My aunt whom I already love and she loves me. My aunt who already knows everything about my family and I her family. My aunt who has always been sisterly with my mom. Can this be really happening???



My dad called my mom after Kathy suggested to him that he should. He told her about dating my aunt. She cried and said she had a dream about getting back together to heal the family. He said that God wanted to heal the family in a different way. And that they couldn't get back together in this life. She said that she knows he and Kathy will be a great couple and be really happy together. He told her that he will be more involved with what happens in her life. Be more a part of us kids trying to help my mom. Who better to support that then Kathy and help him to do it? This, people is miraculous. My dad in the past has always been very stand offish and the attitude that he divorced her and that she wasn't his problem anymore. And the 6 of us kids were left to deal by ourselves. I am a little squeamish still but can't stop the hope from growing.


My dad and aunt dating? This is so bizarre!



I have this view of the spirit world. That family isn't so complicated there as it is here. We are all family. We are all sealed together, like one big happy family. Sealed together through Jesus Christ.

I hope you can feel today. Do you dare feel your feelings? Through feeling we learn love, compassion, experience, acceptance, discouragement, pain, heart ache, peace, happiness, forgiveness, and hope. There is opposition in all things. I am so grateful to know the good because of the bad. The greatest hope, healing and peace has come to me through the Savior as I have sought after Him in prayer. Don't forget to keep those bad thoughts away!

Child's Prayer

Andrea and Lydia with Nana and Grandpa. Their first time seeing Lydia.

I feel a little heart ache over my step-mom. Lydia came into our room early this morning and said in a wimper:

Lydia "I said a prayer by myself."



"you did? what was it about?"



Lydia"I prayed for Nana, I really miss her."

"She was such a good Nana. I'm reall sad that she died."



"She really loved you too. She was always happy to see you and talk to you."



Lydia "She did?"



"yes!"



Lydia "It was so sad when Nana couldn't talk, she couldn't eat, she couldn't sleep."



"yes it was, very sad."



It made me really think about Mardi and the terrible way she died and how young she was.



Today is a buisy day. The first day of October. I hope to eat lunch with Andrea today. We may go to St. George this afternoon as a family. If my mother-in-law is feeling up to it she may come with us and Wade and I go to the temple. That would be so refreshing! It would be great to go to the temple before conference. I am happy to be home this weekend and watch conference as a family. I love listening to the prophet and apostles. They speak with such love and power. I always feel inspired.

As I type this my house is in so much disaray. There is so much to do. All of which is good things. How do I do the most important things? What is most important? My kids. They take up so much of my time. I'm glad though. But my floors!! I must clean my floors today. Can I clean the floors and make dinner and give attention to my kids, do business stuff.....ect? I don't know. I have to accept that I can't do it all. I have to know that this is not my season for a perfect house. If I had a perfectly clean, ordery house all the time then I couldn't be a good mom....my opinion. Not with with the little little kids that I have. So I chip away at the house a couple of things a day and I have to be okay with the fact that as soon as I clean the floor today something will get spilled on it shortly after. It is okay. It is okay. The floor will still be cleaner then it was. I must go because the baby woke up and Andrea just came home from school. tahtah

Think good thinks!

My son is naked and eating left over cereal at the table. He brought me his diaper a few minutes ago. I thought, why not let him be free for a few minutes? So funny!

I'm worried about having a good day. Soon as I'm done on this post I plan on getting a good dose of scriptures, children willing!
I need to keep an eternal perspective. We tried to go to the temple last Friday but was unsuccessful. My mother-in-law couldn't come with us like we planned and I didn't want to leave the baby so long with another baby sitter. It takes tremendous planning and effort to get to the temple. But soon I will have my own built in babysitter, in about 4 years! Time really is flying by. That is why I am constantly feeling how important it is to keep my perspective where it should be and choose wisely how I spend my time.

I want to tell you something. Have you ever had a bad thought come out of no where? Has something gone wrong during the day and then this bad thought came right after? And suddenly you feel rotten and the day turns bad? I want to tell you that we are in a war with satan. Every negative feeling and thought stems from him. he hates us so much and wants us to fail. So when you have a bad thought or feeling come, realize that it is from satan and don't entertain those thoughts and feelings. Don't let them continue. Pray in your heart and choose the better part. Choose to react to situations in your day with a happy heart. Remember what your mission is. And that its okay if cereal get dumped on the floor. Its okay if everything seems to go wrong. Because you have a great family, roof over your head and your basic needs met. Love your life. Be happy. I'm going to try to do that today. And if I fail, I'll keep trying. Tomorrow I'll try again and the next day and the next day. A few weeks ago I had this random bad thought come to me. It was a powerful thought formulated just for me. And unfortunately I spoke the thought. I regretted it immediately so much. That wasn't even like me! That wasn't something I ever thought about! Usually I am slow to speak and really think my words through. I felt ashamed to let that happen. But it was a powerful lesson to me. It helped me to realize that we really are in a great war on this earth. I know that when we especially seek Heavenly Fathers help, He does help us and blesses us and strengthens us. I know He wants us to be happy in THIS life! He wants us to learn and grow and depend on Him and trust in Him. Love to you from me! We can do this!!!!

Long time no blog!

Has anyone missed me?

Before I get to my book and hot bath I'll stop in to say hello.

My thoughts are mostly the same: Gratitude for all the happy moments raising children.

Lots going on with my church calling, Andrea in school, soccer, my babies, feeding the people, and the never ending housework.

I think a lot about my dad dateing, my lonely mom, my sister moving and practicing santa ria and all that jazz. I also have been thinking about my good husband since he is gone for a few days. I'm such a dork that I cried when I said goodbye today. I surprisingly had a nice evening with my childrens routines bymyself.

How about the word Greek.

I've been thinking about Greeks.

Did you know that my Grandfather is 1/2 Greek? That is a lot of Greek. That means that I am 1/8 Greek. The last couple of years of his life I made him a lot of Greek salads. He told me that I make Greek salads better then the Greeks do in Greece. I was soo flatered. I loved that he loved my Greek salad that I made special for him. I made one of those Greek salads yesterday. It is the first time I made that salad since he died. I thought a lot about him and I can still hear his voice.

Just a day

It was a nice day yesterday. Wade and I worked on different things at home. It was windy and crummy outside. We came across free tickets to a magic show. When we got their we realized that it is the exact same one from last year. But Andrea was soo excited and liked that it was the same. She was picked from the audience and the magician loaded her up with tons of balloons he twisted into animals and plants. She probably had at least 12 balloon creations! It was really fun for her. After that we went to Lin's and shopped for our big camping trip coming up next weekend. We are sort of having a family reunion with my parents and siblings. I keep feeling nervous about it. Are we all going to get along? Will there be any bad confrontations? Dad and Wade keep saying that everyone has to give and take and be gracious in order for it to work out. It should be fine and maybe even fun! haha

It was a good day at church. I felt happy and friendly. Some times at church I feel outgoing and friendly other times I feel like I'm just trying to get through the day. I had two people apologize to me for being ornery. It was funny to me because I hadn't noticed! I have times like that though too. When someone comes up to me at church all happy and go lucky when I'm not feeling it....it can be annoying. So I don't blame them, I do it too!

Right after church my VT companion and I had two visiting teaching appointments. I did NOT want to go. I was hungry and tired and I hadn't read the lesson yet that I was supposed to give. I changed my clothes, fed the baby, thumbed through the lesson and grabbed a half peanut butter and honey sandwich as I walked out the door.

But when I went into those ladies homes and we got talking I felt so happy to be there and getting to know these ladies. We left with a prayer in each home and I felt grateful for the visiting teaching program and the things we as women all have in common just by being women.

3 Peaks

My dad changed his plans last weekend to be with us! I was so grateful and happy.

I kept thinking during the weekend....doesn't he have to get back home? He is still here??

It was so great!

Unfortunately we spent until 12:30AM Friday night at the ER because of a barbed wire fence accident. Luckily just a few stitches later everything was fine!!


My handsome husband! And Angel baby!

I love the Book of Mormon. It brings so much peace and comfort in this troubled world.

My mom is a Glen Beck fanatica. She trys to tell me all kinds of troubling things. I tell her that I can't hear all the doom and gloom as a young mother. There is nothing I can do about it and I don't want to be upset by it. I can only do my best in my little sphere.



Speaking of my world here. I am enjoying being a soccer mom. Its that great time of year. I love to watch my children learn new things and try new things. It is awesome. I keep marveling to myself that I've been given these four beautiful children. Suddenly I feel like I have a large family. I have also been impressed with my patient husband. You should have seen how kind and patient he was with Andrea while he was trying to teach her to ride that little dirt bike. He was so happy when she finally got it that I think he wanted to cry. He is so soft hearted! He is always good to make sure that we are having family fun.



Some days I feel like this world is too complicated and hard. Sometimes on those days I call my sister and cry. Sometimes I think she is the only one to understand the little julie inside that often gives me trouble. I used to think that we would eventually grow up. But I am finding out more and more that inside of everyone is that little child. And that little child will never go away. I am grateful for all the learning and growing this life brings to me.

But often I feel content in my life and know my purpose and feel the hope and peace from the Savior.

A Moment in Time--Captured Forever

These photos taken by Melissa Mckinley from St. George. She is doing this amazing newborn special. $125 to come to your house. She brings her own lighting and props and you get 25 photos edited on disk. I thought she did an amazing job and it was so much easier for me to have her come to my home. Talk about a smokin' deal too!

My Bella's first smiles! Funny little grins! Soo adorable.

My day yesterday was a roller coaster.

I made omens with one person. And offended another. I felt horrible.

I was busy taking care of the kids.

I forgot Andrea at school because I thought for some reason that she would be on the bus and forgot that I told her I would pick her up on the first day. Luckily she was happy hanging out with her teacher!!! few!

I rented two units and sold a lock!

Then I rushed over to the soccer fields for Andrea and Lydia's games.

Spent a few hours there and was so happy watching my girls.

I came home, ate a quick dinner and rushed our kids to bed.

Then I felt the horribleness of offending my friend, took a bath and went to bed.

the end.

My thoughts this morning started with the words of the Book of Mormon. There is nothing like a dose of scripture and prayer to start my day. I texted my sister at 6:30 about how great that book is and she started reading it too! That is why we are here: To lift each other up and encourage each other on! I am excited to conquer the day. It is a great day--my son's birthday!

I just posted two new post's.
I'm going to be updating this a lot in the mornings because of all the fun events we are having lately. Stay tuned!

It's What Fun Is!

Lagoon!

We had a great time! But I can't believe that I don't have any pictures with Cheryl! I'll have to get copies of her pictures too. My Andrea was big enough to go on the big roller coasters! She went on Wicked!! It was awesome. I couldn't believe it! She didn't even know she went upside down! We spent the whole day there and came home in time for Stake Conference. I am so happy about our new stake presidency. I still remember when Bro. Roe came to our ward and spoke about spiritual twinkies. Bro. Callister was my seminary teacher and Bro. Stahli was in the stake presidency when Wade was in the bishopric at the college.

Cut

I need to be more careful about my posts.

I sertainly didn't intend to hurt anyone's feelings, while expressing my own hurt ones.

Life is full of daily lessons.

Lesson for yesterday: be more careful on my blog.

Lesson for today: don't ignore signs of a bladder infection for a couple of days! Ouch!

I asked my doctor dad: what is wrong with me lately? He says, its not you its just this telestial world we live in.

Yesterday was a nice day. The kids played really well together. I answered a lot of phones. Is 4-5 a lot? It is when business has been so dead lately. That reminds me I must invoice today.

I spent time with the baby, played on the floor with Damon and Andrea and I had our teeth cleaned. The hygienist who was subbing in was a little rough. I cleaned some things, had the girls pick up. Andrea during the day is mostly hovering around me. That is what it feels like. If she isn't playing with Lydia then Lydia is playing with Damon and Andrea is following me around talking to me. She talks to me endlessly. The big talk lately is about her hair. She wants to cut her hair. She can't stand her hair on her neck and is very hot blooded. She sleeps naked every night and always wants her hair up and away from her skin. So I watched some YouTube videos about how to cut a bob. Andrea knows just how she wants her hair. Short in the back and longer in the front. Well okay then. But after watching the videos I confirmed to myself that I cannot do this. Too complicated! So I tell Wade, "I looked into it and I cannot do it. Sorry!" I made an appointment to have my favorite hair dresser do it. I think I can cut her hair after that once the lines are already there. Wade is always wanting me to do things myself. He has such confidence in me! "Can't you just do it?"

When Wade got home I had dinner ready. We ate and they loved the strogenof. Then I was off to Andrea's first soccer practice by myself with all the kids and Wade was off to the ranch to work. The practice was awesome. I'm so happy about her coach.

When we got home it was bedtime. Lydia said before we prayed, "I miss daddy, he is working too much at night." just now Lydia woke up and came over to me by the computer and said, "I never see daddy in the night. Why does he work so much in the night? I miss him." That makes me feel sad. Our schedule sure has changed a lot.

When Wade did come home he was so tired. I felt like having a long talk about whatever, but I knew he wasn't up for it.

My mom has been popping in every day.

"So have you talked to anybody?"

"no"

"oh"

The next day.

"Have you talked to anybody? Cheryl call?"

"no"

"oh, just wondering."

I feel bad that I'm the only one around. She needs more then just little ol me.

I had a great teaching moment with Lydia about lieing and telling the truth.

"Did you do it? Somebody filled this up with water. Was it you?"

"no, I didn't. Well, Damon didn't and Andrea didn't....and........."

"did you do it?"

".......uhm.....uhm......"

"Lydia look at me. You wont get in trouble. I just need to know what is in here. Did you do it?"

"....uhm....no"

"Well somebody did it. And your both going into the corner until whoever did it tell me they did."

Andrea is insisting that she didn't do it all along.

A few minutes pass.

"Lydia? did you do it?"

"...uhm.....no."

"Lydia you wont get in trouble, if you did. Did you do it?"

"..nnnn....nn...nooo."

Two more minutes pass while they are in the corners.

"Lydia did you do it?"

She looks at me with a pained look on her face. She starts nodding her head yes, "uh huh."

Then came a long conversation about lieing, and telling the truth, and being honest, and about what Jesus wants us to do.

Afterwards I felt so good that I am home with my children and can focus on them and teach them. Who better to do that than me?

I thought Bella's two month appointment was this morning and looked on the calender to be sure--4 o'clock? What, am I insane? I can't even blame my pregnant mind. Well that was a relief. I don't want to rush out of the house this morning. I want to blog and so I am.

Since all the excitement from the pregnancy is over I wonder sometimes what to write about. I enjoy the writing.

I was trying to work out my schedule to see my dad this week. But with soccer starting and a dental appointment I don't think I can manage it. Next week Damon turns 2 and school starts. And that means I get to have that special dinner for Andrea starting school. I am amazed that school is starting again.

But what I worry about most is....money. I hate money. Can we please live in consecration! Can life just be simple? I hate worrying about it and the mess we are trying to get out of. I could probably blog all day about it. You know what the most ridiculous thing we spend our money on and that we are forced to spend it on is? Insurance. Wicked people have made this world a complicated place. Life insurance, medical insurance, car insurance, homeowners insurance, business insurance......

My daughters got their ears pierced. Unfortunately for Andrea the lady missed the mark and we had to get one ear redone a few days later. I decided to reward them for riding their bikes. After Andrea pierced hers Lydia wanted them done so bad that she rode her bike two days later!I love that about raising kids, watching them learn knew things and do things for the first time.

I did have a nice afternoon yesterday considering. I got a short nap. We watched part of, The Testaments and I made an apple pie. I love making pies on Sunday. It is easy easy and the crust is always perfect and best of all my husband loves them. We went out to the ranch to water the horses and it was so beautiful.

But the coolest part of all was when we got home. We went out back to check on cherry tomatoes and we started throwing a football to each other. It was slightly windy, and stormy, the thunder was rumbling and the lightning was flashing. We threw that football to each other and said things like:

"Don't we have such a beautiful backyard?

Yea

Aren't we so glad we finished the backyard?

Yea, totally!

Remember what the property used to look like?

Haven't we made it so nice now?

Yea, It is nice!"

The wind started really picking up and the thunder and lightning increased. It was getting really exciting. We started feeling the rain coming. It smelled amazing! And we started yelling and squealing and running into the house. "Come on Damon!" Daddy grabbed him. "Hurry!!"

As soon as we came into the house it down poured! We looked out the front window and said, "Holy Cow! Look at that! And we were almost in it!" And lastly we marveled at our beautiful glob willow that we planted when we first moved in as it hung low from the pouring rain. "Don't we just love our tree? and look how beautiful it is."

I end with that memorable moment and now start my day!

Today

Maybe I should blog.

Since I haven't for awhile.

I am completely overwhelmed by problems.

Not my kids this time.

My kids are doing great.

Not my hubby either- thank heavens.

Nothing feels worse then Not getting along with my eternal comp.

Luckily they are all doing good.

Other things are STRESSING me out completely.

I'm praying constantly. "Please help me feel peace. And have the spirit."

I pray and feel peace. A little while later I don't. So I pray again and feel peace. And awhile later I don't.

Thus the scripture---'Pray Always'----i totally get it!

My little angel baby is doing so wonderful. I still find myself wanting to hold her where it is quiet. Its hard to find that quiet time that I can be with her. When I do I cherish it. I'm always trying to tell the children to be quiet around her. She is, after all, newly arrived from heaven.

My Andrea is so excited to get her ears pierced.

This summer I told her that we would pierce her ears after she rode her bike everyday for a week. She has totally succeeded. To my total joy!

We went bike ridding up the canyon trail after she had been riding her bike for awhile.

I had the baby in my wrap. Wade had Lydia and Damon in the bike trailer.

I didn't think Andrea would be able to make it very far.

Thanks to my pessimistic scorpion tendencies.

But to my total amazement, she was like this determined little lion trudging up the hills! It was a beautiful site to see your daughter riding her bike WITH the family and eating it up!

It seems like with my Andrea when we are home doing normal usual things she tends to whine and complain. But when we do hard things, like hiking and riding her bike up big hills, she gets excited, determined, and not one complaint.

I thought, "I think I found my future tri-athalon partner!"

My little Lydie is a special girl. She has many gifts.

One of which is the way she shows love and compliments us.

"Mommy your beautiful. You my favorite people."

"Mommy do you know who my favorite people is? YOU!"

"I love you so much, you my favorite people."

"Do you know who my two favorite people are? You and Daddy. I love you so much."

"Daddy is the best worker and you are the best cooker. You make the yummiest food."

most of the time what she says is followed by hugs and kisses!

When we were camping at Capital Reef, we were camped near this couple. And Lydia stood in the doorway of the motor home and said to the woman across from us, "Your beautiful, you know." I couldn't believe my ears. Unfortunately the woman didn't hear her.

My Damon is super happy lately. Still no talky.

We have fun during the day. And he follows his sister around. He and Lydia play together really well. In the evenings he follows daddy around helping him fix things. He is a character to watch. He gets all excited and runs around in circles where daddy is fixing things. He holds a wrench or screw driver and pokes at things, being the big helper.

Two things are making my life a little easier.

1. The girls are finally washing their own hair. Hallelujah!

2. They are able to help me clean up more and more.

Tuesday

A week ago today my step mother died.

It has been a horrible ordeal.

But I have learned a lot about love and family.

I've been thrown for a loop. My dad has had such a terrible time with it.

We had a bitter sweet weekend with the funeral and being with family.

Seeing my dad grieve for his wife terrifies me. I pray that I don't experience that.

It's nice during times like this to have my little baby with me.

She feels like an angel from heaven as my companion.

There is something about new life that brings so much hope.

Therapy

Last years garden
It was a long exhausting day taking care of my 4 children and trying to keep up on the housework. Wade came home from work and was tinkering in the garage and front yard with the kids. It was a beautiful summer evening.

I started to dose off while nursing my baby. She was being a little fussy the last couple of hours and I needed a break. I lay her down to sleep, and as exhausted as I felt from the long day and the baby still getting up every two hours in the night, I felt the need to relieve some stress. I found some old pants with a hole in the knee and put them on. As well as socks and shoes--I hate spiders and I know my garden is full of them.

In the garage I grab the hoe and quickly go to the backyard before anyone sees me. I need some alone time. The weeds were getting big and the roots on some of them are deep. I swing that hoe as hard as I can over and over. My heart rate goes up and I stop now and then to stretch my back. It is hard work but it feels so good. All the sudden I feel pain in my hand. I look down at it and couldn't believe I had a blister that fast and it tore open. Ouch!!! As the air hits it, it stings. What am I doing without my gloves on?? I quickly go back to the garage and get my gloves. Andrea follows me and watches me rake and how the weeds. We talk. Wade and the other kids eventually come out and I feel so proud of what I've accomplished. The wheel barrow is completely full of weeds and the garden looks great. That's what I call good therapy!

Capital Reef

These are all the pictures we took of our visit to Capital Reef. The amazing thing is that it is located at Fruita Historic District. They have agreed to preserve the history of the Mormon settlers when they made it a National Park. So when you go you get a great history lesson of the Mormon settlers. They have restored the school house and they have a lot of pioneer artifacts. They have over 800 trees in the orchards that you can pick fruit for free and keep. Unfortunately it wasn't the season to pick but next time we plan on going in August or September! Plus this park is free! No entrance fees! The girls accomplished the junior ranger program. We had a great time hiking to an arch and enjoying everything about the area!

This was Bella's first trip and she did so great.

Chimney rock Capital Reef!!!

Wade and I have talked for a few years about how we wanted to go to Capital Reef, Fruita. I had memories of Fruita when I was 14 searching for my cousin Trevor. We felt so happy to finally make it there.

If you continue on the highway you pass through the Boulder mountains on the way to Capital Reef National park. I know this is what my Dad was thinking of when he joined us. It was beautiful. My thoughts of Trevor never stopped. The whole scene played through my mind. The searching, searching, prayers and the tragic ending. May we never forget our cousin, brother, and son!

When we got to Calf Creek (my favorite place to camp) Wade saw smoke coming out of the hood. He opened the hood to see a full blown fire! Luckily the night before he made sure he knew where the fire extinguisher was and that it was working. He ripped it right out of its bracket on the wall and put out the fire. We are blessed that the whole thing didn't burn to the ground. So now we are stranded at the camp site with fire damage. My husband is the most talented mechanic I know and was able to diagnose the problem. My father was planning on meeting up with us that day and we were able to get a hold of him to have him bring us the new parts we needed and the tools. My husband had it fixed within a few hours. Amazing!!

It was so nice to see my father and his wife join us. He didn't expect to meet up with us in the desert. He imagined the mountains. My poor step mother is so very very sick. It breaks my heart into a thousand pieces. She can't talk, doesn't know who she is, who we are, where she is, what her husbands name is and will barely eat or drink anything. She runs into things and looks lost and scared. It is the worst thing I have ever seen a person go through. Her person is gone and only her body remains with a shell of who she used to be. My father is taking such good care of her and refuses to put her into an Alzheimer's unit. She is only 59 and has been suffering, slowly declining for 10 years. It was so nice that my dad made such a desperate effort to try to go and do something with us. I have such fond memories of camping on the fourth of July with my father on our horse pack trips. We would paint the horses red white and blue and ride the trails with our United States Flag waving behind us. We would sit in a meadow and sing songs together. But since my step mother has gotten sick we haven't been able to do any of that for about 9 years.




This is the hike at Calf Creek that leads to this amazing water fall and refreshing pool of water. It is a six mile hike round trip and everyone did so great! My four year old Lydia had a hard time walking back and cried a lot but she really pulled it together to make it back. I think it teaches them so much to try to do hard things and to not give up.

On the way home we had another unfortunate event. A flat tire! We felt so blessed that it didn't blow and it was only the tread coming off. Because when the front tire blows your steering goes with it and the chances of a roll over are very high. We had a fun time taking my in-laws motor home this time instead of the tent trailer. It was a lot less work setting up and we had a bathroom with us all the time. It made camping much more comfortable but---we did have a lot of break downs!!!

When we go to national parks we seem to be looked at like an endangered species. The people look at us with their mouths dropped open. They speak in their foreign language as soon as they see us. I can imagine what they say: "one, two, three, and oh my she has a brand new one strapped to her! Four kids and this couple looks soo young!"

We actually did hear a man from France counting as we walked by.

It is annoying. Your the weirdos in our country. This is our back yard!! Don't you know life is about family?

You should see some of the hikers. It is funny. Some hikers obviously American are a little weird too. They are stomping down the trail with large hiking boots with socks sticking way up their leg. They have all the tan, green colored clothing: long below the knee shorts, a long sleeved shirt, a large hat to shade the face, sunglasses, a camel back water carrier, a large walking stick, and odds and ends bouncing around the waist connected to the belt. Such as sun block, camera, and a snack. And the odd thing is, just after them will be a group walking obviously from Europe who have clothing on that to me looks like they are ready to step onto a cruise ship. They have fashionable sandals not fit for hiking, loose fitting white pants that go mid-calf, and a loose fitting fashionable shirt that breathes well. They have on sunglasses and are carrying at most a camera and nothing else, not even water in the hot sun. Of course this was just a two mile hike to an arch. The six mile hike we went on we don't see the ones about to step onto a cruise ship.

I really should have taken pictures of all these people. It is so odd the extremes.

I really don't have any time to blog.

I have so much to do.

Including getting ready for our adventure this weekend camping in Eastern Utah.

And its the end of the month.

My son is eating loads of famous Dave's spicy pickles right now. I've refilled his cup three times!

We went to a ward potluck last night.

I spent a big part of the day making these two huge casseroles. One to take to the potluck and one to give to a woman who had a baby. I really feel like I need to give back for all the service we received while I was on bed rest. I felt good making it but, wow! It wiped me out and took up most of my day. The bad part was, when we got home my hubby was HUNGRY! After making all that food, he was hungry! Lets just say he doesn't want to go to that again.

My son is getting this sticky pickle stuff all over me.

I went grocery shopping last night at 10pm. That is really late for me. But that sounded better than doing it today with four kids. I need a nap so bad.

No cooking today. But actually I do want to make salsa, and a pasta salad---maybe tomorrow!

Baby Bella

Bella Marie

3 days old

Let me tell you about my sweet Bella.

She is my best natured baby yet.

She has a very peaceful spirit about her.

She is a great nurser and never gets a tummy ache.

We think she will have blue eyes.

She has this amazing hair that none of my other babies had.

She is adorable!

Something I've learned about raising babies.

No two babies are the same.

Some babies sleep better than others.

Some babies eat better than others.

Some babies need to cry things out, some babies don't.

Every baby has their own personality.

It doesn't matter when they crawl, as long as they do eventually.

Same with walking.

It doesn't matter if they talk soon, as long as you know that they can hear, understand, and communicate. They talk when they want to, crawl when they want to, and walk when they want to.

They grow super fast.

My first baby I wanted to do things by the letter of the law.

I wanted to make sure she could fall asleep on her own.

I let her cry things out more.

I had her eating on a stricter schedule.

I bathed her more.

I made sure she could take a bottle right away.

Now I know this is such a fleeting time, I don't care about doing everything "right."

I don't want Bella to cry much.

I want to hold her more while she sleeps.

I want to just sit with her or lay by her and watch her more.

I have no desire to leave her with anyone.

I don't care if she can take a bottle or not.

It only last one year.

So I'm going to enjoy every moment.