Christmas can be difficult. This year we had a pleasant Christmas. Wade and I try hard to make it that way. It takes awhile to figure out how we want Christmas to be for our family and what traditions we want to create. We had our normal Mexican feast for the ninth time in a row. I made a version of Cafe Rio pork burritos and salad and my usual salsa. It was tasty. But the cool thing we did this year was we did our little program before dinner. The kids weren't so tired and what were we to do that afternoon anyways? We read the Christmas story. Lydia was the angel, Andrea was Mary, Damon (we couldn't get to dress up) was Joseph, Bella of course was baby Jesus and Daddy was a shepherd. It was chaotic and wonderful. We kept saying to the kids, "Get back over here." "Please sit down and listen to the story." It was a lot of fun. We had them open their presents of Christmas jammies and we talked about the symbols of Christmas. We set out cookies and milk for Santa and we watched the Grinch Who Stole Christmas and just had a nice time. We say no to extended family on Christmas eve. I'm talking about the EVE people! I am a good person. I am a good person. Christmas Day we love the extended family! I'm sure it won't always be that way. Its not easy to do. I am not wicked. I am not wicked. We like to stay home by ourselves since we have such small children that go to bed early. I want to keep the focus on the children and not whoever is visiting with us. And mostly we want peace. One time Wade and I got in an argument on Christmas eve after returning from my moms house. It was so horrible to be unhappy on Christmas eve. It was a learning experience trying to figure out how we want to celebrate Christmas together as a new family.
This year in the back of my mind I kept thinking about the way I was screamed at on the phone and how I had to hang up on them on Christmas eve eve. "I'll never forgive you for this." she said to me. I am a good wife and mother. I am a good wife and mother. I kept wondering if we made the right decision. I am not evil. I am not evil. I am a good person. I am a good person. I felt a lot of guilt. I asked Wade about it. He said he had no doubts we did the right thing. See? You did what was right. You did what was right. We put our family first. The family I came from and the family he came from doesn't come first anymore. This is our only opportunity to raise our children the way we need to. Soon they will be grown. We want to protect and create the environment we want for our children. I remember so much lately the feelings I had as a child. I told myself that some things would be different in my marriage and for my children. Sometimes life is confusing. I think this day in age is more scary. I can't let the man in the street who has no place to go into my home---because of my children. I can't just invite anyone into our space. My children come first. "You shouldn't try to shield them from everything, your being cruel and uncompassionate. Children are resilient and learn from it." It is true that I can't shield them from everything. But I WILL shield them from as much as I can. It is my duty as a mother to protect. Its not like life won't come at them anyways. I think about the conversations I heard as a child and shudder. I remember so many inappropriate things I heard and saw. Its not right to have a child worry about adult things they have no control over. I didn't realize then as a child how challenging it would be to step up and say, "no, I'm doing things a different way, no matter what anyone says or thinks or reacts about it." Even with all my efforts, I'm not a perfect mother. I'm not yet the mother I envision myself to be all the time. I wish I was. That's when repentance and the Savior comes in and helps me.
So I found myself getting very giggly and excited for Santa to come! I was surprised but then I remembered last year on Christmas eve I was excited too. I guess its just the first of December when there is soo much to do before Christmas that I feel like a scrooge about Santa and everything. But in reality its all soo worth it! Christmas eve and Christmas day have to be one of the best days of the year. Its so fun! The first year Wade and I were married we spent Christmas with my brother and I watched my sister-in-law put lights and netting underneath the Santa presents. It made it so special. This year I tried it and although I don't know if the kids really noticed....I loved it!
I started writing this post a week or more ago and questioned myself about posting it. After talking to my sister and how much fun she had on Christmas with all her in-laws I started feeling a little guilty...as usual...about keeping Christmas eve to ourselves. She said that your family is not just your husband and kids and that your extended family is important to spend with too. I wished I felt like that. Then she said that only the last couple of years has she felt good about Christmas and its taken her a long time to get over feeling on edge about the whole Christmas thing. As we talked we said how things may change in the future and for now Wade and I chose to do what was right for us. We are building a sure foundation for our family...that's about all we can handle right now.
I'm so happy for my four children. They make life exciting and fun. I'm so happy to have a good husband.
Last night for FHE I couldn't stop smiling. We started singing Families can be Together Forever. Lydia started singing along right from the beginning and then she started prancing and dancing around the living room. It was so natural for her to do it. Its like she couldn't help herself and she had no worry about who was watching. I call her my little fairy. Andrea is very proper and yet so clumsy. She is in an awkward stage. She was wrestling with Lydia and Damon and smacked the back of her head and got a good bump after FHE. Soon after that she trips over something or stubs her toe. She is so fun to talk to and kid around with. I was teaching her to braid her dolls hair. Damon is just all over the place! He is VERY smart. He chooses not to talk right now. Its a joy to be in Bella's presence every day.
I stopped potty training Damon because of the holidays. I will post about it when I start again.
And that my friends is finally a post. Hate it or love it! Boom Boom Chicalaca!
