Can we talk in our room please?
He brings Bella with him and I shut the door and lock it behind us.
I don't know where to begin. I need his support.
"I feel like I can't breath. I feel like I am sufficating in our house.
I want to make rolls but the kids are clawing at me every moment!"
"You don't need to make rolls."
"I really want to. I want to have good dinners and I'm trying to keep up on the house. I want to do a good job!! I want to be a good wife and mother but I can't be perfect!" I start crying.
"You are doing a good job."
"I am? I feel like nobody cares. Nobody recognizes what I do. I clean the floor and then 20 things get spilled on it that I have to clean up."
"There is somebody who always recognizes."
I look up at him. "You mean...Heavenly Father?"
He nods yes. I sigh and I lay my head down on his chest.
"What you do takes a lot of endurance right now. Your work is never ending. Mine is like little sprints."
"I feel like I do everything for everyone."
"Andrea is getting big, you need to get organized and have her help you more."
"I feel like there are so many basic needs I am trying to keep up with that I can't get organized. I can't keep up. I'm soo tired!"
"Well, don't make rolls. We have crescent rolls in the fridge we can put in the oven and you already have the crock pot going."
"Okay."
"I really want to just take a bath and read my book."
"Go ahead."
I sigh in relief. "But...could you please please go out there and get me my book??"
"What?"
"If I go out there to get it I won't be able to come back. The kids will start clawing at me! Please?"
"Okay."
When I get out of the tub I am surprised to find the house picked up! And he kept the kids from knocking at my door! Yay! Just that 40 minutes helped me feel better. Conference was starting again and I got the nail polish out and painted the girls nails as we watched.
I talked to my dad last night. He said how we all have to support eachother right now. He said that we are all struggling and working so hard that sometimes it feels that we aren't getting the rewards from it. I said that the Lord is bound when we do what He says. Bound to keep His promises to us but we don't know when that is. We have to keep enduring, working hard keeping the commandments and know that the Lord will bless us for the good we do. Meanwhile we seek for his peace, love and strength to keep going. The roller coaster continues.......
