At Mammoth with the Fam! This post was started a couple of weeks ago. I wonder, am I hear on this earth to feel? It seems to be all about feelings. I have been feeling so much. It is a roller coaster of feelings. Feelings for my husband and children. Feelings for my siblings and parents, siblings for my in-laws, feelings for my ward sisters, feelings for my friends.
Feelings of pain came to me this week. But also feelings of hope and healing. I felt like never speaking to anyone outside of my own little family again. Go away you cause me too much pain!!!
But during my pain I was able to communicate to the people who needed to know. There is suffering going on and I can't do it alone or my sister and I to do it by ourselves! My parents are finally getting things together. Although they aren't "together," I feel so much hope that they will stop putting us kids in the middle and alone to deal with all the family dynamics.
My Dad is dating my Aunt. My aunt is my mom's sister-in-law. My dad's former sister-in-law too. I am so thrilled. She is my favorite Aunt. My two closest cousins growing up are her daughters and may become my sisters! But the worry about what my mom would think about keeled me over. At first she didn't take it well. But miraculously God stepped in and helped her see that this is Gods will and Gods way of healing our family.
Because of that child inside of me, I wondered, after my step mothers death, if my parents could get back together. But I soon realized it couldn't be. So I thought, dad better never remarry. I can't take it!! I don't want to deal with this! Can't his kids be enough? Can't we be a priority now? I always struggled with my dad putting his wife first. I knew intellectually that it was right to put your wife first....IF that person is MY mother. But she wasn't my mother, and never wanted to be. I feel that after you divorce a person you should #1 not remarry until after the kids are grown. #2 If you have to remarry, put the children at an equal priority. The children are your own flesh and blood. Children grow up so fast, and the growing up years are so important and impact every part of their adult lives. This is a perspective of a child from a divorced family.
So the selfish child did NOT want dad thinking of remarrying. But then I saw that he was very lonely....and had been for a very long time. I saw that he needed companionship. And then like a miracle in my life. He was interested in my aunt. My aunt whom I already love and she loves me. My aunt who already knows everything about my family and I her family. My aunt who has always been sisterly with my mom. Can this be really happening???
My dad called my mom after Kathy suggested to him that he should. He told her about dating my aunt. She cried and said she had a dream about getting back together to heal the family. He said that God wanted to heal the family in a different way. And that they couldn't get back together in this life. She said that she knows he and Kathy will be a great couple and be really happy together. He told her that he will be more involved with what happens in her life. Be more a part of us kids trying to help my mom. Who better to support that then Kathy and help him to do it? This, people is miraculous. My dad in the past has always been very stand offish and the attitude that he divorced her and that she wasn't his problem anymore. And the 6 of us kids were left to deal by ourselves. I am a little squeamish still but can't stop the hope from growing.
My dad and aunt dating? This is so bizarre!
I have this view of the spirit world. That family isn't so complicated there as it is here. We are all family. We are all sealed together, like one big happy family. Sealed together through Jesus Christ.
I hope you can feel today. Do you dare feel your feelings? Through feeling we learn love, compassion, experience, acceptance, discouragement, pain, heart ache, peace, happiness, forgiveness, and hope. There is opposition in all things. I am so grateful to know the good because of the bad. The greatest hope, healing and peace has come to me through the Savior as I have sought after Him in prayer. Don't forget to keep those bad thoughts away!
