Am I making life hard? Or is it really hard?
Imagine yourself today. What do you have to do today? Nothing?---lets hope not! Although it slightly sounds nice. Yesterday I had a list of things to do. When I stay at home and just focus on the house, dinner and kids it goes smoothly. But I needed to get to a few stores and start on my Christmas gift project. I'm not the best crafty person. So this little cricut machine is taking me awhile to figure out. I also have to feed the people. My house is very small for 6 people. I have no room to get out projects. But I had to try and my kichen table had all the cricut stuff out and it took me a long time to get going. By the time I finally figured out what I was doing--the people were hungry. Andrea was needing attention getting home from school and the the three other children....they are always needing something. I wished I could leave my project out somewhere away from the people. I'm completly overwhelmed and wish this was a day that Wade got home early. He comes home and is hungry and tired...and so am I. After dinner is over and my project a mess amongst the dinner stuff on the table I feel like running away. I can't breath again! I take Bella into my room and lock the door. I feel like taking a bath but Bella is awake. I think she might be getting sleepy so I lay on the bed and play with her. I hear the other children running around being loud. Its not long before they are at my door.
"Mommy Andrea isn't being nice to me!"
"No, she is LYING, she is the one turning off all the lights and yelling at Damon!"
I hope they can just work it out. I'm thinking to myself if I can just take a few moments to myself I can be more patient with my children until bedtime. Wade takes a shower and when I come out of my room Andrea has cleared the table from dinner-part of her daily chores. I feel bad because my fuse is short and I have been raising my voice during the evening. Wade comes out and helps me for a minute with this rediculouse sticker maker machine.
"I want to make a card!"
"I want to make a card!"
"I want to make a card for my teacher."
"Mommy, Mommy, I want to make a card too!!"
"Mommy I want to make a card too."
"Okay Okay, just stay back for a minute I'm trying to figure this out."
I desperatly cut out their cards in hopes they will leave me alone so I can focus on what I need to do. I still haven't accomplished...anything for my project! And Damon keeps screeching at everyone because he wants to be in the middle of everything.

Well when the kids finally go to bed I work hard until late to get what I needed done. I did take that bath before going to sleep. But it wasn't a restful night. Bella was up a lot and Damon woke up crying too. It makes me wonder how anyone can raise children and do any type of hobby. I don't like to work on my projects when the kids go to bed because....I...am...exhausted! Is there no rest in this life??!!

Today is the same trying to figure out how to get things done with 3 or 4 children needing me constantly. This time I need to get business done. Invoicing, deposits, bookwork, go to the bank, go to the post office....and of course feed the people! Am I running out of milk again? I may have to go to the store too. I really need to get my student loan refinance stuff in. It, my friends is never ending and I wonder how I will manage. I actually thought how nice it must be for Wade to go to work. I go to work everyday with 3 clamoring children at my heels. I really can't explain it. But I wouldn't have it any other way. Infact I must really like it because its what I've created. I'm successfully at my limit. While talking to Wade this morning before he headed off to work I cried to him......again....and I said I could have more patience with the children if I could get just a little break. If I could have just a couple of hours to myself in the house with everyone gone. He acted fine like it was a simple thing for him to do this weekend. Maybe I need to ask more for what I need...in a direct way! If I just say my affirmations, pray and refocus I am sure to have a good day today. If I just determine to myself that it is a great day...then it will be. I hope to do just that.
love and light