Good Experiences?

So many times I have thought about writing the last two weeks. I haven't had the luxury of time to myself to do that. Today my little Damon went to preschool on a little bus. My Lydia also went to her first day of kindergarten. I had a few hours to myself with the baby. I'd like to say I played and frolicked in the grass with her the whole time, but no. She was my little buddy for a little while. Lydia last night before bed said she would keep her panties dry. I said that's nice that you want to, but we need the pull ups to be dry first. I told her she had to wear one but didn't double check her before bed. She wet her bed and then came and slept on my top comforter on the floor of my bed....which she also peed on. At 4:38 she was whimpering and I discovered what happened. I told her I wasn't mad but that she needed to wear the pull ups. I got my running clothes on and headed out in the dark with my running partner to get a long run in.-9 miles. I wore a head light and we both had our pepper spray. The running trail was VERY dark. I always get scared when we pass other runners/walkers. Mostly women by themselves! They are crazy. We heard some rustling in the bushes by the river and there was some man with plastic sacs. I wouldn't have been able to see him without my head light. It was scary. I have no idea what he was doing. We ran up a little ways and then waited for the woman we passed just prier to make sure she made it safely past him. I later called the police dispatch to report it.
My morning has been filled with washing bedding. That's what I've been trying to get at. And also working on my business books.
Last couple weeks have been my usual emotional roller coasters. Saturday my dad and aunt/step mom was in town at the ranch. We all hung out most of the day with the horses. It was great. I rode my horse which I haven't for months. It was wonderful to be in the saddle and couldn't help singing "home home on the range!" We gave the kids rides. My dad has been coming up more to prepare to cut down the herd by getting some of them ready for the auction. He hates to sell these amazing full blooded Missouri Foxtrotters for practically nothing but the market is way down. Every time he rides one he says, "Wow this is a great horse!" One of the horses is older and had a growth on its underbelly of some sort of skin cancer. He went to get a scalpel and cut it right off while she was tied up to the post. My aunt/step mom was a little surprised and kept asking questions. I thought it was funny to watch her reaction. I grew up with my doctor farmer dad do this all the time. Especially the castrating. Some people might think he is a little barbaric? since he thinks animals have no feelings. He loves horses but he doesn't treat them like humans. I laughed to myself thinking about his new wife and thought, "the things you don't know about someone...until you are married." Or maybe she did?
Andrea has not had near enough experiences riding horses to my shock and amazement. Little julie would never had expected that since I prided myself in my horse skills and thought for sure my kids would be in the saddle while wearing diapers. But it hasn't been the case since I'm either pregnant and nursing for the past 7 years. I was giving Andrea a nice ride in the big corral. I had worked my mare for a little while before getting on and then was riding her for awhile. But she wasn't worn out enough. I've ridden her hundreds of times but they are still animals and you can't always predict every movement they make. Sometimes you think you can. Andrea was getting comfortable sitting behind me when she kept asking to go faster. I thought well my horse is doing pretty good. We could do a slow lope. I started clicking at her and kicked gently to get her moving when she started bucking. Oh man I still can't believe it. It was the hardest buck I ever felt her do. Andrea flew off. I was sideways on the horse and decided I wasn't going to make it and let go completely. I hit the ground hard on my lower back. My sacrum to be exact. Right between my hips. I got up as fast as I could to get out of my horses way and fumbled back down because of the pain. Andrea has made it right in front of my face screaming her head off. I couldn't think straight with the pain in my back and her screaming. I yelled out, "Be Quiet!" "I'm so sorry dad!" What I meant was. I ruined it. I was trying to have a good experience for my daughter. My running days started flashing through my mind. Everyone came around and Wade took screaming Andrea away. I laid there on the ground assessing the damage. "Your going to be fine. It wasn't a big horse. You didn't fall that far. Your going to be fine doing your running." Dad and Kathy helped me up and walked me around. I started crying, "She will never forgive me!"
"Oh yes she will. Its not that bad." he said.
Weird thing was I kept wanting to cry. It was like the tipping point for a lot of emotions I've been dealing with lately and it was all spilling out. "My mom hates me!" yes that thought kept me crying. My adult relationship with my mom has been nothing but hell.
I was really sore. Andrea's head hurt her for a couple days. I've been icing my back and after 3 days I'm feeling pretty good, unless I sneeze.
On the way home I kept telling Andrea that she was now an official cowgirl. Your not a cowgirl until you've been bucked off a horse. Now you can brag to all your friends! You always have to get back on the horse and face your fears. ----I'm not looking forward to it.
Love & Light~

Back to School Feast 2011

We had a back to school feast. It was very special. The table was set beautifully with my best dishes and fresh flowers. The kids wore crowns to signify that they are daughters of God. The food was so yummy. We had grilled salmon and zucchini, Caesar salad, wild rice, fruit with jello and grape/cranberry juice. We lit the candles and sat together. It was really nice. Afterwards Wade gave each of the children a fathers priesthood blessing for the school year. I even got one too! It was awesome and I'm so happy that my husband holds the priesthood~ it's one of the most important things to me.
Andrea is going into 2nd grade! We are all very excited and proud of her. Lydia starts kindergarten but not for at least another week. It was like torture for her to watch Andrea go to school and stay home yet again. But I tried to make it up to her by going to McDonald's and have a couple of little friends over this afternoon. I also cut her hair with bangs at her request. I think she looks really cute and reminded me of when I was a little girl with bangs, blond hair and brown eyes!

I keep thinking her name is now little Julie II! Its amazing how different she looks with bangs! She has a soccer game today. Yes it is soccer season and I'm so excited to watch her play!

This week I had a day filled with anxiousness.  Then I remembered that I don't want to have total control over my life. I don't want things to go my way. I remembered AGAIN that I want God to be in control and that I want my life to follow His plan for me. I have total trust that He knows what is best and good for me. I don't want a power struggle with Heavenly Father. Especially because what I really want is His way all along. I just get scared when I don't know the end results. That's when I use my faith in Him--and the fear goes away and I feel peace. He knows the end result in every aspect of my life. It's so easy to lose perspective! When I realized this anxiety was pointless and got on my knees and let it all go in prayer, I felt so much better.
Love and Light~

Timing

Finally Bella is on the verge of taking off walking. All weekend she was in the dirt crawling around. Which stopped a lot of her finger sucking. We are practicing her walking--one of the fun parts of having kids! Andrea is extra excited to assist Bella in learning this skill.
There is only a few more days until school starts and I have a mix of emotions. I like not having a schedule and places to go. I also like a routine. The last few weeks my girls have been working more consistently on their chores. I'm trying to prepare them for school starting. Problem with not having a schedule is it gets a little chaotic. The kids start wandering around and complaining about their life. Sometimes I go crazy when they are ungrateful. Lydia lately wants to know what we are doing next and what friend she can play with next.....When its time to clean up or help out the girls throw fits and have a bad attitude. Its always the worst when we get back from doing something special. That's what really drives me crazy! My kids know nothing about timing. Do you remember how you used to plot out when and how you would ask your parents something? I remember figuring out just the right moment to ask my mom something trying to have the best odds possible for her to say yes. Well my kids haven't figured that one out yet. I was so bewildered the other day that Andrea at 7 1/2 years old would ask me right before dinner if she could eat a piece of candy or have a popsicle! I told her that she needs to learn about timing. How many times have I given her popsicles right before dinner? Never. What chance does she think she has that she will get a popsicle? The other problem I guess is that she has no care for time. She can tell time but chooses not to care about it. I think she will continue to get the clue that time through out the day is important.
The crying from Lydia today is off the charts. I think it might have to do with our late nights over the weekend. I'm going to be sure that everyone lays down for a little while this afternoon.

At 5:06 my alarm went off and I thought there was no way I was going running with only 4 hours of sleep. I'm so out of it that early in the morning. But I knew I wouldn't be able to fit in a run later today. I drug myself out of bed and met my running partner. We had a nice run. Its always nice to talk. I got home and went right back to sleep. I usually never do that. I like to read scriptures with my husband and get started for the day by getting ready before the kids get up. Not this time. I slept until 8 something. Amazing!
I woke up the second time and thought about my long week of school starting and Damon's birthday and felt overwhelmed with my to do list. I thought about Heavenly Father and His hosts of angels ready to swoop in and help me. All I have to do is get on my knees and ask for help. Although He knows when we need help and knows whats best for us He has told us through His prophets that He wants us to pray to Him and ask. In fact He wants us to pray always. That would mean....all the time! I felt happy to pray this morning and ask for peace and guidance and that His angels would assist us today.
Love and Light~
I think I will be posting a lot this week~

My Creation~

I was in the store with all my kids getting school supplies. I was holding Bella when an older couple turned into my aisle. She stopped in her tracks and smiled brightly as she looked at me with my children. She said "Well she doesn't look a thing like you now does she?" I didn't say anything because I was weary with my task at hand and I wondered if she was really asking me that question. Then she said with a laugh, "A complete carbon copy!"
That cheered me up  and I smiled brightly back. Funny because my mom keeps saying that.
"Bella looks exactly like you when you were a baby."
"But mom the hair."
"Everything but the hair. I get flash backs when I look at her of when you were a baby."
I know I should believe my mom but she has said that about every baby I have had. This time though, she says that even more so then the others that Bella look like me. It was fun to have another person I don't know say the same thing. It is really fun to have children and to see the similarities they have to me or Wade. How cool is it that God gives us the power to procreate? Its awesome!

Lovin' Summer

Summer Lovin'

Having a blast

Summer Lovin' wish it would last!

One of the things we have been able to do this summer is go to the lake. It is by far one of the funnest things I have ever done with my family. Each of us had a great time! I felt happy and free from my worries and stresses. I loved to feel the sun and see the beauty.

When we were getting ready to get back on the boat to go home I saw a woman on a wave runner circling near us waiting for her husband. I said something to her about wave runners being a lot of fun and freedom. She laughed and said that she was actually a paraplegic from the waist down. I was shocked! She said that it was one of the few things she could do by herself as well as four wheelers and snow mobiles. I felt so inspired listening to her and I could feel her happiness--It made me happy!

Learning

 That is her way out there riding away! You can barely see her she is so little!

I had a joyous moment when Andrea asked to ride the knee board.  No the joy didn't come then. The joy came as I witnessed Wade teach Andrea. No the joy didn't come then. The joy came when I saw Andrea follow the directions given to her with determination on her face as she pulled herself onto the knee board and successfully ride the knee board for the first time. I hooted and cheered!
I'm getting a lot of joy watching my kids grow more independent. When I had only toddlers and babies around there was a lot of joy watching them go from infant to walking, smiling, and talking and discovering their new world. But then to watch them figure out some of their own problems, learn to read, wash their own hair, and ride a bike....that is a whole different realm of joy that...I am enjoying. I am in the most demanding, and joyous stage of motherhood. A couple of my kids are going to school and I still have a baby and toddler around. It is so fun and never a dull moment. I really love all of it!

A couple of days ago I needed to go for a run but didn't want to go by myself and invited Andrea to come along. She was super excited. I woke her up at 5:20 and she rode her bike while I ran. We got to main street and it has a slight up hill grade. Nothing very noticeable unless you were running or biking. She was having a hard time keeping up.  I put one of my hands on her back as I ran to give her just enough help for her to keep going. I kept encouraging her and telling her that it will get easier once we get to the street light. She was a trooper and although her legs I'm sure were burning she kept going. Once we got to the trail we were going downhill the rest of the way home. She was so happy to be going down hill. I explained to her that she did such a good job going up the hill that she could really enjoy the down hill. If she didn't go up the hill she wouldn't be able to know how good the down hill felt. I told her that that is why we are hear on the earth, to learn the good from the bad. I've also been trying to get my girls to work better so that they appreciate when we play. This was a great example of hard work paying off. A week or so ago I also had a conversation with her about Adam and Eve. I was able to continue that conversation by explaining about the fall and how Adam and Eve chose to eat the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil so that they could progress by learning pain and joy. Adam and Eve didn't know how good they had it in the garden until they were cast out and had to work hard for their food and they also had a lot of joy from having children they couldn't have in the garden. I hope to continue applying these lessons in life to the gospel to help them build a good foundation for their adulthood. As I was running and Andrea was riding her bike and we were talking I felt really happy to have this one on one time with her. I think she really needed it too!

Food for thought is CHOCOLATE!

I'm feeling the start of a cold coming on. Its not fun. I don't want to be sick. So I've been taking it easy the last two days since I have a headache and sore throat. I'm surprised to have a virus getting  my family in August. But it seems to be very light. At 2 in the afternoon I'm wanting sugar. I don't deny that I have taught my body to want sugar. I've gained a huge love for chocolate that I didn't have as a child. I liked "candy" as a kid, not chocolate. I still love my gummy bears and taffy but chocolate has become my new love of sweets. I love deserts. Part of me wants to kick the habit. But I think that would be a miserable existence for all of us. I know I'm teaching my children to crave sugar. It seems to be part of the culture that I can't get away from. We went to my moms for this huge dinner on Sunday. My mouth started watering when I saw the big plate of the most delicious monkey bread and a big pan of cinnamon rolls for us. It was evil. That kind of food is my biggest temptation! I had to be very mindful. ONE and only one cinnamon roll tonight. The next day I served the kids cinnamon rolls for breakfast and I told myself I couldn't have any until later that day. I wanted to gobble the whole thing up! I waited and waited and finally had one I don't know when and enjoyed every bite. After dinner we had them for desert after family home evening and they were gone. I was so happy they were gone! Wade bought See's candy last week. He hand picks each one. Every night for the past few nights he and I indulge after the kids go to bed. I think there are only 2 pieces left I want him to enjoy tonight. Everyday I'm thinking of what cookies or cakes I want to make for desert and stop myself. I throw candy away from one holiday just to be bombarded a couple of weeks with the next holiday--the stores have to advertise months ahead! Its ridiculous. If Wade said no more candy for awhile I would join in happily. But it has to be a unanimous decision. I'm thinking I will stop eating sugar someday because I'll feel crappy all the time.
Overall I watch what I eat. I eat what I want in moderation. And just because I'm craving sugar doesn't mean I indulge in it. Like this afternoon for example. I'm not eating sweets although my body sent a signal to my brain that said I want chocolate but really I don't. If I know I'm going to eat desert I cut back during the day and don't get too full at dinner. I think I eat pretty good. I don't buy potato chips except for camping and the left overs sit in my pantry until I finally throw them away. I only eat fries a couple times a year when I go to In and Out Burger. We have a lot of vegetables and salads with dinner. Sometimes on the weekends I will over eat a little. Meaning I get a little too full for comfort. But if I eat good all week its okay to relax a little on the weekends. I don't know why I'm talking about food. Overall I find it annoying; having to eat all the time to live.