This is one of my Sunshines!! I could gobble her up!!!
March 23rd
The red/white pasta dish I make is so yummy. It is basically a red spaghetti sauce with a home made Alfredo sauce to die for (butter, cream, cream cheese, fresh Parmesan) and a tube pasta with mozzarella cheese layered in a baking pan. You all need to get that Food Nanny cookbook. This one will be a regular at my house. I am addicted to the Italian bread I make it at least every other week. I made that today too. By 1:30 I had most of dinner prepared ahead of time. It makes it so much easier when the kids get home from school to have most of dinner prepared. 4:00 on is my hardest time of day until kids bedtime. I'm happy for early out to spend more time with Andrea and she has her piano lesson today.
March 25th
This week has been really nice as a mother and wife. I have been feeling a lot of fulfillment and joy during my days with the kids. Yesterday we had left-over pasta for dinner and the girls had gymnastics. The evenings are my toughest time of day. My joy and fulfillment goes right out the window. I'm emotionally exhausted and stressed and physically tired. I manage a business from home and some days are really slow and some days are really busy. I had sort of a busy day yesterday with it and Wade and I got into a disagreement while the girls were at gymnastics. I hate it when that happens! I unfortunately took a little of my frustrations out on the girls on the way home. Andrea got a treat after her class and Lydia didn't and Lydia was whining and complaining that Andrea wouldn't share and it triggered me and I sort of....exploded?
"You girls need to be nicer to each other and share!""Sisters are your greatest friends you'll ever have and I'm tired of you fighting!"
"All you two worry about is how much fun your having and how much candy you get every day!"
"Your both complaining too much lately about helping around the house and not doing your chores."
"When we get home I want that room clean enough to vacuum!"
There is silence in the car.
Lydia in a timid voice says, "Mommy I'm sorry your upset."
I don't say anything. Even when I was talking I felt bad. I'm feeling inadequate and like a bad mother.
I walk in the house anticipating Wade being upset with me when he comes over and gives me a hug. I start crying and he says some nice things to me............and that's all I'm sharing about that.
Life is so stressful. Raising kids and being in this economy is hard. Wade and I are a good team but life is still has its difficulties. Its hard to roll with the ups and downs and when some down moments happen its easier said then done to let things be what they are and not get upset about it. I think what I have a hard time with is feeling like I can control my life and what will or will not happen. I don't have control. Its the Lord's plan I'm trying to follow, not my own.
