Wish Me Luck~

Getting up in the morning at 5 to run is never easy. It does become more routine but never easy. Actually running isn't easy either. I felt tired the whole run today. But I always feel good afterwards. That's what keeps me doing it. I have a much better morning, much better.
I'm extremely sentimental. I can be a little superstitious. Or I can start thinking that way and have to stop myself. Since I haven't ever left my babies like this (Wade said this morning after I cried again, "Its only for two days!!") my thoughts start being weird. I updated Bella's baby book and want the house to be in complete order. "What if something happens while I'm gone.........." "Quite it!!" I tell myself. "Everything will be fine and great".....meanwhile I'm saying constant prayers to make sure that really is the case.  See people, this is what happens when a mother with four young children doesn't get out of the house enough! I'm really excited to go to Women's Conference.  I told Andrea this morning, "Christine is leaving all her 6 kids, and my friend Katherine is going and leaving her kids with her husband.....and some women go every year!"  I'm going to be re-energized and have a little breather to re-focus to come back and be the best wife and mother I can be. And today....I'm going to play play play with my kids and do a little house work too. My kids will be in good hands while I'm gone!
Love and Light~

Womens Conference

......soo excited!

Tomorrow night I am leaving my home and family for two days. This will be a first. I've already cried once about it. I'm sure there will be more tears to come when I say goodbye and drive away.  I've been feeling a little anxious to leave the baby. I've tried feeding her a bottle and she won't take it. But after thinking about it for a few days I feel that we will be able to work it out without one since she is nearing her first birthday anyways. So to make it simple today as I prepare to leave I decided to make a complete turkey dinner. I think I really am crazy. I texted my sister-in-law that and she said, "You love yummy smells permeating through your house and how happy your family gets when they eat the comfort food."  That made me feel good because I didn't realize yes, that's why I'm doing it! My husband loves my turkey dinners and I wanted them to have good left overs.  I'm so grateful that he is watching all the kids by himself for a couple of days and letting me go, that I wanted to put extra effort into dinner to show my appreciation and love for them.  I love serving my husband and children. They are amazing!
Love and Light~

new post below ;)

Easter

We pretty much go camping for Easter every year. We love it. This trip was especially fun.

We were the last ones to leave the camp and enjoyed just our family for the afternoon.  We had a nice Easter devotional together and talked about the Savior's resurrection. It was awesome!

Love and Light~

the usual

I wanted to stay in bed this morning. No running today. It is almost nine and Damon is still sleeping. He has had a fever for 5 days now. I will have to take him to the doc if he doesn't improve a lot today. Lydia is mad because I ate her cookie. Andrea is enjoying herself today not having to go to school and is actually reading a book without me asking her to. She had a stomach virus yesterday and threw up a couple times but it seems that it has passed.  Bella is crawling all over the floor and trying ot pick up every crumb or little thing and put it into her mouth.  I feel overwhelmed with the list of things I am supposed to do today. I don't want to do any of it. I want to just lounge around with my kids. I used cloth for over a week straight with Bella.  But today she is in disposables so I can try to pack for our Easter camp out this weekend....if the kids are healthy. So I am to pack as if we are going, but it is possible that we can't go. sigh

Love and Light~

Dear Queen of Beauty,

Thank you so much for coming and invading my 1000 sq/ft house with your two kids for 5 days. It was so snugly and cozy! Funny thing is....it really was great! I was glad that you felt comfortable enough to be in our humble presence for that long!! I think it was the longest we have spent time together since we got married. It reminded me of the good ol' days when people would visit for awhile at moms.  I especially loved this morning waking up at 4:35 and going to Gold's with you! We would be the greatest work out partners! I thought you looked so great without makeup!! I know you did that just for me ;)  I think they have left me two messages already trying to get me to join. Thanks so much for bringing your bike and trailer. That was my favorite part of your stay. I think all the kids were crying at one point....but we pushed through it and had a great time! We are quiet determined. It was nice having the cousins play and an extra pair of hands to help at dinner time.  Too bad most of the kids were all sick but, that's life! I'm just so glad that your my sister and that we get to share the stages of raising kids together! I think we understand each other and have matured a lot in the last 10 years. Especially me!! You are a great loving mother and....a big push over!  You try to talk tough but your such a softy!!  Course I'm a push over too.......I can't see how mothers can't be!
I hope you have a great Easter Sunday with your little family.  I need to get copy's of those pics you took.
We forgot to eat that yummy ice cream!!! Thanks for coming! See you soon!
Love and Light,
julie 

This sister of mine is the funnest holiday party girl! I'm like a Grinch compared to her. She always lifts my spirits! She made sure we did some kind of Easter activity when she came!

Toothless

I don't know what is more entertaining or annoying than a child with loose teeth.  FINALLY the first top one came out. On its own that is....
Then the second one was not far behind. It was crooked and hanging down in the middle of her mouth like a witch with one front tooth! It was sooo funny looking.  PLEASE let me pull it out. Please it wont hurt! But no she wouldn't hear of it. I felt like jumping on her, prying her mouth open and pulling that tooth out! I couldn't hardly stand to look at her anymore.  It was like this dead crooked tooth hanging by a thread right at the front of her face! Plus she talked about it non stop! That tooth came out on its own--as per her wishes--while eating toast.  Lydia keeps saying, "I don't want to lose any teeth!"  It is quiet the ordeal!!
I think that it is fun for her to have her two top front teeth missing. I never had a gap like that and thought it would be cool....to be able to sing that song...'All I want for Christmas is my Two front Teeth!' Now she talks a little funny, and she likes it! Having kids is soo fun and NEVER a dull moment!

My Mother

 This is my mothers house that she bloomed into a beautiful place after a terrible divorce. I never saw her garden or plant flowers before.  I was amazed.

Mom with the geese she loves and they love her. 

{I was again amazed when she got geese, ducks, turkeys, and a swan. 

It was like I was able to see a beautiful side of her I never saw before. She let herself be more of herself.}  

I went to bed at 11. That is late for me. It gave me only 6 hours of sleep. Which isn't enough for me. Lydia and Damon, and Bella all woke up in the night.  Lydia was waking up A LOT! And I felt bad because when I heard her whining in her bed. I foggily thought, its not the baby maybe she'll go back to sleep.  So in my half sleep I heard her go on and on and on! Finally I was so irritated in my delirium that I went in her room. "What is wrong with you; whats the matter? Why are you crying---AGAIN??" Usually when she has a problem in the night she comes to my bedside and whispers to me and I help her.  But this noise stuff coming from her bed was extremely irritating. Aren't I awful?? What happened to my gentle motherly touch?? I blame it on my half sleep.  Sometimes I'm really ornery in my half sleep! Apparently Lydia had bad dreams and I don't think she was feeling very good. So I felt guilty throwing myself in bed after asking her to please go to sleep! "oohh ugh, why is Damon crying?? Wade please please help me--all the kids have been waking up." He is totally out of it and sleeping through it all. But he gets up and takes a turn.  We usually have it worked out that I get up whenever the baby gets up and he gets up if any of the other kids get up.  It works pretty well, since most of the time only the baby wakes up.  The alarm went off at 5 and of course was tempted to text and cancel my run but told myself to just get up.  We had a really nice run.  It had rained a little bit in the night.  I came home and felt so refreshed and in good spirits.  I stretched for a bit and rubbed Wade's back to help him wake up.  We read scriptures and I felt really good inside.  I was pretty sweaty and yucky so I got in the shower and still thought about how much Lydia was up in the night and how ornery I was.  "I will be much better this morning and hopefully make up for my night time delirium," I told myself.  Lydia didn't seem to notice my orneriness in the night and I was my nice mommy self and helped her get comfortable and gave her medicine for her slight fever. The morning went really well, and mostly because I got up early and took care of myself!
It is my moms birthday today. She is 60! I wish I could fly her in a jet to NY and whine and dine her. But I can't. On her 50th birthday I was in New York City with her and my brother eating at the "Windows on the World" restaurant at the twin towers. It was a fabulous night! So this 60th must be a big let down as well as most of her life right now. The kids had pictures ready for her. She was pretty exhausted from a bad nights sleep and sad.  She said she wasn't sad but she can't fool me.....I can't worry about it because......and I'm making her a beautiful German Chocolate cake for a big Luau party on Sat for her. I hope she will be happy. My mother has so many wonderful gifts and talents and wonderful great traits.  She has a great heart and taught me a lot.  She was a dedicated homemaker and felt it important to stay at home with her kids. She modeled that for me and was a fabulous cook.  I wouldn't be able to cook at all without everything that she taught me.  She is the soup queen! I gained a lot of skills from her.  One of the things that is her greatest quality is her generosity.  She is struggling with money right now. But when she had money she gave it freely and enjoyed giving to others.  She never expected to get paid back and always enjoyed taking people out for a great evening of food and entertainment.  If she thinks you need something that you don't have in your house like any kind of kitchen tool or something she can't stand it until she gets that for you.  I've seen her do this for all my siblings. She was the most terrific missionary mother.  She wrote several times a week and sent packages several times a month.  Each letter might have many dollar bills tucked inside.  When Wade was on his mission she made sure that we sent him money periodically and wanted to buy him new things when he came home that he had worn out on the mission. When Wade and I went to Salt Lake right after he came home she made a reservation at "The Roof" restaurant at the Joseph Smith Memorial building and when we got there they had a special table set up by the window over looking the temple with a vase of beautiful flowers on the table. It blew us away! She loves to be over the top! She was the ultimate Disneyland Queen.  That would probably be the greatest present for her birthday. A huge Disneyland trip with all her children and grandchildren and lots of spending money! She loved taking her children to Disneyland once a year.  She loves all things beautiful, tasty, and fun!
I feel bad. I feel like a bad daughter. I wish she was happy with all of us. I wish things were different. I hate this about life; the hurt and pain we cause each other, the disappointments, the expectations. I have great hope in the Savior Jesus Christ that through him each of us can be healed from our sorrows and weaknesses......anything and everything. I have great hope in that day and I'm grateful when I feel some of that healing in bits and pieces.
Love and Light~

My Cloth is CLEAN!

Let us have a word about cloth...cloth diapers that is and the washing thereof.

I've got two kids in diapers and two other children and I don't have time for....well.....let me start with.....I was very blessed to receive a load of used diapers from a cousin of mine.  I was so happy and excited because cloth is very expensive and I got a bunch of bumGenius pocket diapers in the pile. I know she took good care of them.  They are not new and they are definitely broke in but they have a lot of life still in them.  She used the Rockin Green detergent and BacOut spray. The diapers all smelled really good actually! So I washed them for good measure and carefully matched the diapers and the liners together and made nice little piles and was very excited to try Damon and Bella in cloth, since I finally had a good stash. Then the horror happened.  After changing Bella I noticed this extremely strong smell....ammonia fumes! Fumes people!! That's what it smelled like and you didn't have to get very close to inhale those ammonia fumes.  I was very shocked.  This didn't happen with my brand new diapers....what is going on here, I thought! I changed Damon's pee diaper and there it was again; knock you dead ammonia smell! As soon as urine hit those microfiber inserts...Bam! ammonia toxins escaped! I was disgusted and horrified! I got online and went on a bunch of FB pages and blogs, and websites.  I saw the complaints about the ammonia and I also saw all the comments.
Comment after comment about every one's washing routines. 
"first I rinse, then I squirt Dawn soap in and then I triple rinse and then I sun bath them...."
"first I rinse, then I wash without detergent, then I boil them in a big pot, then I wash them, then I triple rinse...."
"first I rinse the diaper with water and put it in the pail, then I wash them two times, and double rinse..."
"....try vinegar
".....try baking soda
".....this detergent, that detergent, no detergent, sun bath, hot boiling, scalding water (wear glove so you don't burn yourself)."
And do you know what they ALL said? The smell always came back within a matter of time. Its just part of cloth diapering they say.  The microfiber ones just hold the stink and eventually you just buy new ones.  Organic fibers don't hold onto the stink as much, others said. But no no no to bleach. Oh, no bleach will break down the fibers and wear your diapers out and you don't want those chemicals on your baby's skin, now do you???  No I just want that bacteria that makes all the stinkiness against my baby's skin. --after all bacteria is all...n a t u r a l!  People had to boil things in the pioneer days and guess what?-- they died like flys!
All that work your all doing to your diapers is garbage.  They aren't clean. Don't kid yourself.  You want clean diapers??? Then you Clorox those diapers!!!  That's what I did as soon as I read all the garbage of jumping through hoops to clean diapers that never ended up clean. I threw my diapers in the wash and poured the Clorox bleach in. And I had an evil smile on my face doing what you all think is against the rules of modern day cloth. My mother used cloth, my grandmother used cloth and my great grandmother used cloth. They used bleach and had beautiful clean diapers.  It worked for them and its going to work for me. The next morning I put the diapers on my two babies and guess what happened after they peed? The diapers smelt like pee!! Imagine that, pee and not a coral of cows! I read about one gal who spent a LOT of money on her cloth and can't get rid of the ammonia after using all those worthless tricks. She felt so sad to cut her loses and use disposables, since neither her or her husband could stand it anymore. I wish to tell her not to give up on using cloth and Clorox Clorox Clorox! I wash my underwear in Clorox and I'm washing my diapers in them too! Use only the 'Clorox' brand of bleach. The other brands makes your whites yellow. ;) I wouldn't put a bleached diaper on a newborns skin. I would use disposables until my baby was a couple of months old. And if my child had extremely sensitive skin, I'd probably use disposables.

Funny thing is that I did finally see a recomendation for bleach after the fact. 1/2 cup once a month. I think I'll be using bleach more often. Most people were against bleach.  They are more concerned about the environment then clean diapers.

\My diapers may not last as long as yours and I may have to buy a few new ones here and there, but at least I know my baby is wearing a CLEAN diaper! I have to go to the store now to buy more Clorox!

Feet

March 21
Well, my feet hurt. My toes are aching me right now. My feet feel like hell to be honest. I made a mistake somehow. I don't even know what is going on. All I know is my feet hurt a mile into my run and ache the rest of the day. After a couple months of this I finally had to tell Wade. He is not happy as I expected. He has a thing about shoes. He doesn't like us to spend more money then is economical on the feet. I hadn't boughten running shoes since three of my babies were born. --Have my feet grown slightly? So slightly that I didn't notice my shoes may be snug after years of buying the same size of running shoes with no problems? My feet growing seems inconceivable. But I am wondering now if they have. My toes are numb after the first mile. I'm thinking that my shoes are too supportive. Like my whole foot is being to tight, but I feel like my toes have enough room. Its weird.

"Its not your shoes."
"Yes it is."
"No its not. How do you know?"
"uhm, because maybe I'm an experienced runner and have trained for a full marathon. I know what my feet should feel like."----10 years ago!!! I guess its been awhile?

He's just frustrated that I may need to buy new shoes after only two months with these shoes. I don't blame him, "I'm not happy either. Do you think I'm happy? That its fun to rebuy shoes??" --for me its not fun to rebuy shoes when the funds are so low.  Theres no point at getting mad at me about it because I am already mad at myself. It is what it is~whatever that is, I'm not sure. All I know is my feet hurt.

I got my first batch of cloth diapers yesterday. Its a little daunting. Wade hooked up the water sprayer to the toilet but is not exactly happy about this whole cloth thing. He is unsure that it will really save us money since the diapers are expensive and we have to buy special detergents and stuff. Its a lot of accessories and equipment and extra washing and work. I don't know what to do...





Friday, April 1st
I took my shoes back after two months of running in them.  They gave me most of my money back for in-store credit.  I felt relieved. But now I am running in my old shoes and I'm getting blisters after every run.  I'm tired of my feet hurting......

Sitting down to figure out the two week meal plan is NOT fun.  That is what I need to do right now.  What have we not eaten in awhile? What would be fun and easy to make? What will the kids like? And then I have to make my grocery list with it.  Once I get started it starts to flow and by the time I get home with all my groceries....I feel great accomplishment!

Sunday April 10th
My old shoes are so horrible that between the snowey, windy weather on Friday and my blisters I said no to running.  My second toenail is black. My toe nail will be falling off. I'm still stunned with my foot problems.  I'm more stunned that I pushed through the pain and kept running with shoes that were too small. I'm silly or I like to suffer. I think I'm both silly and enjoy suffering. Wade was being nice about it all since the evidence was very clear about my problems of the foot. Some experienced runner I am! We went to the Running Store. Those people are experts on the running shoe. She told me yes, my feet probably grew and usually you must buy bigger shoes anyways to run in. My pro runner cousin verified that to me when I met up with her at a wedding this weekend. "Yea, man I always run in a shoe size bigger then I am, " she said. I got much better shoes, I hope. I try them out tomorrow.  Too bad that the price was outragouse. Now I'm broke but thats nothing new. I now appreciate the importance of having the right equipment and your feet are number one! I feel bad that I have new running shoes when Wade needs new work boots so bad.  He has sewed up the sides once and they are coming undone again.  But running is part of my daily survival.  He is surviving okay for now in his old boots, so he says.
Love and Light

Nothing Important

A day over a week ago.  And our turkeys have trippled in size! They keep us up in the night.  They can't seem to sleep too long because...they get hungry I guess.  They eat around the clock and they seem to take naps between eating and playing. They are noisy. Wade said last night that they will have to go in the garage now. Hopefuly we can work out something for them outside soon. I'm planning on posting soon about; a funeral, cloth, and speach of a certain 2 yr old.

My running partner couldn't run today and so I didn't because......and I won't be running tomorrow either because of my schedule.  Its a much harder morning when I don't run.  But my shoes are killing my feet. These new asics are horrible. I've never had a problem with running shoes before.....I don't want to talk about it....

These turkeys are strange creatures. I've never known a bird in all my bird experience ;) like them.  They fall asleep right in my hands. They don't like to jump off. They actually want to hop in my hand and go right to sleep.  Fresca the brown one lifts her wing so I will pet her under her wing.  They love to be petted and held. It is the strangest thing I've seen in a long time!!! I think they will actually be amazing pets....how weird is that??? So these turkeys are growing fast in just a few days.  They have a lot more feathers and they are happy, fluttering around and chirping.  While I'm on the computer there they are so fun to look over and watch. We have turkeys as pets...I still can't believe it!

I have the busiest day today and I get to bring 3 of my kids with me for it all.  I hope I can achieve all these things today with grace and ease!

Love and Light~