A Ponder

I am  daughter of a loving Heavenly Father. He actually created me. Just as my earthly parents created my body, my heavenly parents created my spirit. That means they love me even more then my earthly parents. Just as parents take care of, worry over, watch over, teach, nurture and love you so does our Heavenly parents and more so. Their love is perfect because they are perfect. I can feel that love more when I am quiet and still. I love that I can communicate to heaven through prayer. I'm grateful to know this. I'm so grateful for His mercy and forgiveness and blessings He sends me. This life is only a moment. But it feels long and is full of lessons that are not easy. I keep thinking lately that I need to stop thinking selfishly. That I need to stop expecting things after serving someone. I'm trying to not let things upset me. Let it go. Let it go. And feel love and joy. Forgive those weirdos. Be happy.

My children are the greatest in the world. I couldn't ask for a better husband. I love to watch them and be together. I was thinking today and praying to help me listen to them more. Help me to be in the moment, stop and listen. I think this journey in life is hard. But I see the beauty around me and I'm trying to breath in all that is good and wholesome. I love my home because it is a safe place. I'm so happy to greet my children when they walk in the door from being at school.

My son is very sick with a staff infection. Luckily this one is easily treated. Him being sick reminds me of how fragile our bodies are. He is such a wonderful, sweet boy. He is talking more at home. He likes to use ropes to tie around things and he is so easy to be around. He doesn't complain about what we do. He has great motor skills and drives battery powered cars better then most 5 year olds.
My Bella is still not walking everywhere. But I catch her walking a few steps now and then. She is such a funny spunky girl! I hold her and want to somehow stop time. It makes me sad that she is growing so fast and I tell myself to remember how this feels! Look into her sweet eyes...don't forget!
Lydia is everyones friend. She is especially good to her younger siblings. Damon calls her Loly. He always wants to be with her. I think it is because she is kind to him and plays with him. She is also very good to Bella and helps keep her happy.
Andrea is a leader and is a deep thinker. She likes her space. She is a talented artist. She is creative and athletic. She likes to jump on Daddy and wrestle with him. She likes to be big but envies the attention Bella gets. I have to remember to rock and sing to Andrea more often. I tell her that everything you see us do with Bella we did with you and more. But I know saying that isn't good enough for her.

I'm so excited for General Conference this weekend. That is when the prophet and apostles speak to us and we can watch it from our own homes on TV. I'm praying that I will feel the spirit and learn.
Love and Light~

Finished!

This morning I ran a 1/2 marathon down the canyon, 13.1 miles. It was beautiful and cool--perfect temperatures. I ran about 3 or 4 miles with my friend and than I couldn't quiet keep up the pace. I had my ishuffle and kept up my own pace pretty good. The trees were so beautiful and the red and white rocks of the canyon at times had a misty look. A couple of times I felt like I wanted to walk or stop- be done with it. But those things weren't an option and I just kept putting one foot in front of the other. Its interesting how I'll start feeling better and then after a couple more miles I'll feel tired and then I'll just keep going and then feel a little better.  I felt really good and ended up being 2 minutes faster than my first one this summer! At the end I was able to kick up a gear and past a guy on the home stretch. I ran 7:38 min/miles and feel so great about it! Two halves make a full and I feel like I have sufficiently commemorated my 10 year anniversary of running the full marathon. I feel such great accomplishment that I am in the greatest shape of my life after 10 years and 4 kids later. I'm really loving my age and stage of life right now. I still feel really young and strong but I feel like I have some life experience and more wisdom. I am excited for 30 to come in a year and a couple of months. I think my 30's will be some of my best years yet. I think for me my 20's have been a huge learning experience of how to be me as an adult and of course how to be a wife and mother. I feel more comfortable and sure of who I am now. I feel like I've endured and conquered through a lot of trials and my own issues that has brought me closer to my Savior, Jesus Christ. He truly is my greatest friend of all!

My son Damon woke up crying at 4 am. I went in his room and he said, "kisses, kisses!"
 I gave him lots of kisses on his sweet face and he went right back to sleep. It was the cutest thing and melted my heart!
Love & Light~

Last Trip

My dad and Kathy came with us to the Lake. We had the best weather and the best water! My dad rode the wake board and the knee board. This was the first time I remember going to the lake with him. We had the best time! It was so nice having someone come with us. I hate to say goodbye to the summer. ~ Love and Light ~

School Days

Lydia and Damon started school!! My son is going to preschool two days a week. This is our first time sending a child to preschool. He is really excited!

Lydia started kindergarten! She is so ready to learn and be with her friends! She loves it!!

Unfortunately my mom had her route changed the day before Lydia started kindergarten and didn't get to have grandma be her bus driver. It was disappointing but there must be a reason for it that we will never know. It is really exciting when the kids start school. There is a buzz in the air. I remember it well when I was in school. With the start of school brings the energy of the upcoming holidays soon approaching. Part of me dreads the work involved as the holidays come but what makes it all worth it is the children. I wouldn't enjoy the holidays near as much without my children. I am excited for the baking and hot chocolate! ~Love and Light

Teething

I was trying to get every second of sleep I could before I was up for the day. It is past 8 and I have two kids next to me in bed trying to wait for me to get up. Andrea comes pouncing in. "Mom I just bit down on my tooth and it went the other way now! Its bleeding, I think I can pull it out!""Oh that's good," I say groggily.
"Should I?"
"uhm sure."
"Really??!"
"yeah."
She tries pulling it out and can't seem to do it.
"Will you pull it out for me?"
I'm still half asleep but am still surprised. Usually I'm begging her to let me pull it out. I guess now that this is her 5th tooth to come out she is feeling less dramatic.....and so am I.
"sure," I say with little enthusiasm.
She brings me a long piece of tissue and climbs on the bed. I keep telling her to open her mouth wider so I can get my fingers in her mouth. I wrap the tissue over the tooth and with almost no effort pull the tooth out. She jerks back after I did it bewildered that it came out since of course she couldn't feel it. The tooth was barely hanging by a thread. Her mouth is bleeding and she couldn't be more thrilled for the day. What a great start to the day for a 7 year old!-life couldn't be better. Now for the next 2 hours she keeps bouncing around from mirror to mirror looking at the place the tooth dwelled. I hear none stop about the tooth fairy and how she might write her a letter or not and about how many teeth she has lost......
She still hasn't gotten her two top front teeth. Its been at least 6 months. She now eats on the corner of her mouth and always has food on her cheek. She wasn't chewing on the other side because of the above mentioned loose tooth. She never seems to care about wiping her face. She says to Bella very thoughtfully, "I'm teething too. I don't know when I'll ever stop teething."
It is so funny and awesome. I love the character that is coming out of my teething 7 year old!
Never a dull moment!

Good Experiences?

So many times I have thought about writing the last two weeks. I haven't had the luxury of time to myself to do that. Today my little Damon went to preschool on a little bus. My Lydia also went to her first day of kindergarten. I had a few hours to myself with the baby. I'd like to say I played and frolicked in the grass with her the whole time, but no. She was my little buddy for a little while. Lydia last night before bed said she would keep her panties dry. I said that's nice that you want to, but we need the pull ups to be dry first. I told her she had to wear one but didn't double check her before bed. She wet her bed and then came and slept on my top comforter on the floor of my bed....which she also peed on. At 4:38 she was whimpering and I discovered what happened. I told her I wasn't mad but that she needed to wear the pull ups. I got my running clothes on and headed out in the dark with my running partner to get a long run in.-9 miles. I wore a head light and we both had our pepper spray. The running trail was VERY dark. I always get scared when we pass other runners/walkers. Mostly women by themselves! They are crazy. We heard some rustling in the bushes by the river and there was some man with plastic sacs. I wouldn't have been able to see him without my head light. It was scary. I have no idea what he was doing. We ran up a little ways and then waited for the woman we passed just prier to make sure she made it safely past him. I later called the police dispatch to report it.
My morning has been filled with washing bedding. That's what I've been trying to get at. And also working on my business books.
Last couple weeks have been my usual emotional roller coasters. Saturday my dad and aunt/step mom was in town at the ranch. We all hung out most of the day with the horses. It was great. I rode my horse which I haven't for months. It was wonderful to be in the saddle and couldn't help singing "home home on the range!" We gave the kids rides. My dad has been coming up more to prepare to cut down the herd by getting some of them ready for the auction. He hates to sell these amazing full blooded Missouri Foxtrotters for practically nothing but the market is way down. Every time he rides one he says, "Wow this is a great horse!" One of the horses is older and had a growth on its underbelly of some sort of skin cancer. He went to get a scalpel and cut it right off while she was tied up to the post. My aunt/step mom was a little surprised and kept asking questions. I thought it was funny to watch her reaction. I grew up with my doctor farmer dad do this all the time. Especially the castrating. Some people might think he is a little barbaric? since he thinks animals have no feelings. He loves horses but he doesn't treat them like humans. I laughed to myself thinking about his new wife and thought, "the things you don't know about someone...until you are married." Or maybe she did?
Andrea has not had near enough experiences riding horses to my shock and amazement. Little julie would never had expected that since I prided myself in my horse skills and thought for sure my kids would be in the saddle while wearing diapers. But it hasn't been the case since I'm either pregnant and nursing for the past 7 years. I was giving Andrea a nice ride in the big corral. I had worked my mare for a little while before getting on and then was riding her for awhile. But she wasn't worn out enough. I've ridden her hundreds of times but they are still animals and you can't always predict every movement they make. Sometimes you think you can. Andrea was getting comfortable sitting behind me when she kept asking to go faster. I thought well my horse is doing pretty good. We could do a slow lope. I started clicking at her and kicked gently to get her moving when she started bucking. Oh man I still can't believe it. It was the hardest buck I ever felt her do. Andrea flew off. I was sideways on the horse and decided I wasn't going to make it and let go completely. I hit the ground hard on my lower back. My sacrum to be exact. Right between my hips. I got up as fast as I could to get out of my horses way and fumbled back down because of the pain. Andrea has made it right in front of my face screaming her head off. I couldn't think straight with the pain in my back and her screaming. I yelled out, "Be Quiet!" "I'm so sorry dad!" What I meant was. I ruined it. I was trying to have a good experience for my daughter. My running days started flashing through my mind. Everyone came around and Wade took screaming Andrea away. I laid there on the ground assessing the damage. "Your going to be fine. It wasn't a big horse. You didn't fall that far. Your going to be fine doing your running." Dad and Kathy helped me up and walked me around. I started crying, "She will never forgive me!"
"Oh yes she will. Its not that bad." he said.
Weird thing was I kept wanting to cry. It was like the tipping point for a lot of emotions I've been dealing with lately and it was all spilling out. "My mom hates me!" yes that thought kept me crying. My adult relationship with my mom has been nothing but hell.
I was really sore. Andrea's head hurt her for a couple days. I've been icing my back and after 3 days I'm feeling pretty good, unless I sneeze.
On the way home I kept telling Andrea that she was now an official cowgirl. Your not a cowgirl until you've been bucked off a horse. Now you can brag to all your friends! You always have to get back on the horse and face your fears. ----I'm not looking forward to it.
Love & Light~

Back to School Feast 2011

We had a back to school feast. It was very special. The table was set beautifully with my best dishes and fresh flowers. The kids wore crowns to signify that they are daughters of God. The food was so yummy. We had grilled salmon and zucchini, Caesar salad, wild rice, fruit with jello and grape/cranberry juice. We lit the candles and sat together. It was really nice. Afterwards Wade gave each of the children a fathers priesthood blessing for the school year. I even got one too! It was awesome and I'm so happy that my husband holds the priesthood~ it's one of the most important things to me.
Andrea is going into 2nd grade! We are all very excited and proud of her. Lydia starts kindergarten but not for at least another week. It was like torture for her to watch Andrea go to school and stay home yet again. But I tried to make it up to her by going to McDonald's and have a couple of little friends over this afternoon. I also cut her hair with bangs at her request. I think she looks really cute and reminded me of when I was a little girl with bangs, blond hair and brown eyes!

I keep thinking her name is now little Julie II! Its amazing how different she looks with bangs! She has a soccer game today. Yes it is soccer season and I'm so excited to watch her play!

This week I had a day filled with anxiousness.  Then I remembered that I don't want to have total control over my life. I don't want things to go my way. I remembered AGAIN that I want God to be in control and that I want my life to follow His plan for me. I have total trust that He knows what is best and good for me. I don't want a power struggle with Heavenly Father. Especially because what I really want is His way all along. I just get scared when I don't know the end results. That's when I use my faith in Him--and the fear goes away and I feel peace. He knows the end result in every aspect of my life. It's so easy to lose perspective! When I realized this anxiety was pointless and got on my knees and let it all go in prayer, I felt so much better.
Love and Light~