Monday, December 9, 2013


I had 4 children in roughly a 1,000 sq/ft house for almost 9 years. I don't understand completely why it was so hard on me. We had amazing happy times there. The memories with our children have been priceless. It was a convenient location in town. We tried to sell our little house by the freeway for many months. There wasn't much hope. People didn't like the area. It was tough to try to get the price we needed. At the beginning of the year I gave up. I was determined to be happy. Its not that I was miserable all the time there. Some stages were just harder then others. The hardest being when we had a little baby and all the extra equipment was packed in the house. Like high chairs, bouncers, etc.... Or when we had a big family get together. Wade had been talking about having a fifth baby for a year. I was scared. Another baby in the same house......I didn't know if I could do it. I've had no one in diapers in a year in a half and have been feeling really good. I've had a renewed independence. We easily go here and there. Its been great fresh air. All the running Ive been doing and sometimes with my older girls has added to the sense of refreshment. In January I decided like I said to give up getting out of the house. I prayed seriously about giving up my will and accepting God's will in my life. Its not easy to do. Its so easy to revert back. I often got mad about the American Dream. "Its just pride." I told myself.

We got a dog. As we looked at these cute puppies my husband looked confused at me. "Are you sure you want a dog??? In our little house???" I said, "Our kids are growing up and what difference does it make? Our house is so small I can easily keep on eye on her and train her. I'm not waiting around to live our lives because of a small house." It truly has been a great blessing. I didn't realize how badly my children needed a dog. They had no animal skills at all! We named her Star. My son was scared of her for a long time. Now he plays with the dog the most. The reason I wanted a dog was to have another running partner. It has been a blast running with her this summer. So I was in the mindset that I may not ever leave my house. I told Heavenly Father if you really want me to have another child here....I will. With your help! But in a miraculous change of events in the middle of July we got a cash offer on our house and we moved out one week later signed and deal closed. I then found I was pregnant and soon miscarried. I was shocked for a few weeks. But I thought I told you Lord that I would be happy here? We moved quickly into an even smaller apt with no garage until we could think long enough to figure out where to go next. I couldn't believe my house sold. Heavenly Father sold my house! It sold because He wanted it to.

Wade and I went to the temple and thought about what we should do next. That night we thought about the old church and wondered if it was still for sale. We had looked at it a year ago and it was way over priced. We loved the property. Wade had a friend who grew up there and I had driven passed it a million times because it is next to my dad's horse ranch. I always wanted to go inside it.  At the time we first looked at it it was way over priced and....we were stuck in our little house. But now our situation had changed. So we lay in bed and the thoughts of the old church came back. Is it still for sale? Has it been reduced? We talked again about all the great things about the property and what we could do with it. I told Wade I would call the realtor in the morning to see if it was available. I did so and found out that it was still for sale and just drastically reduced in price a few days prior. We scheduled a showing with our realtor and decided that if we were to make an offer we would need to do it now before it sells. It was a sleepless night. I remember Wade saying to me with his hands clasped together as he paced the kitchen floor, "What do you really think?" I said "When I think about it logically and do a day care out of it to earn extra money for repairs it makes sense because the price is right." I was already used to living in a small space. The church although a lot of square footage only has two toilets and one shower. It has 3 functioning bedrooms right now. Right now I have no master bathroom and we are living with one toilet for 6 people. I felt like I already know that its not a house or money that makes you happy. You can be happy in any situation. I know that we will improve the property over time and that I have already learned a lot of patience. He said, "Lets do it!" We made an offer and after some negotiations we became under contract. It was amazing! It was a very stressful couple of months. We had to line up all the financing, do inspections, etc....
During this time I found out I was pregnant again! After a couple of inspections that we did we found out that most of the roof leaks. There was a lot of water damage in exterior walls and interior walls. That scared me the most. All the water from the roof pours down into the foundation of the building. Wade was not worried at all. He said that he can fix the roof and divert the water away from the building and the walls will dry up. I was scared to death. I said, "well when would be able to fix the roof?" I said that it had to be done before winter. He said that we didn't have time before winter and that whats one more winter when its been like this for years. I started to become more and more afraid and uncomfortable. The heat system is a coal boiler that heats water and the steam goes through pipes in the whole building and heat radiates from radiators connected to these pipes. To Wade this was no problem. He is a professional heating and cooling technician and is very confident in updating this system. But the roof put me over the edge in fear. I at one point told Wade I wasn't ever going back there. He was very upset at me. He thought that this was the best choice out there and that if we were to build a house it would cost way more money and be much smaller. He never wavered in the vision of the property. Nothing scared him about the problems. I thought who is following the Spirit and who is not. Is he blinded by emotion? One of my friends said to me, "Why don't you just trust your husband?" I wondered what had happened to me. For about two weeks I was very much depressed about the whole thing. We went to the temple. We talked in the parking lot for a long time. Wade used his best skills in talking me through all this. It worked. He says, "Do you really think I want to move to a house with NO garage?" Thats true I thought. He is either crazy or following the Spirit. We agreed that in the temple we would try to feel the Spirit as to what we should do. I asked him to please put his emotions aside. I was worried that he was too emotionally involved that he couldn't see the problems.  I cried and cried in the temple. I decided that I couldn't control this situation anymore. I give up...AGAIN! I was trying to control the outcome. I told Heavenly Father that if this wasn't right for us to do to please stop this deal because I can't. And that if it was right that our financing would smoothly move forward. If it be wrong stop this for me. If it be right help me have faith instead of fear. I felt a burden lifted as I put my life again in God's hands. Why do I try to control my life? Its such a trick we deal with on this earth. I have agency to make choices but its Heavenly Father's plan I'm trying to follow. The next day Wade gave me a priesthood blessing that helped me very much. I became more resolute and confident. I replaced fear with faith. If Heavenly Father wants this to happen who am I to stop it. He will provide a way and help us deal with the problems that will come.

We bought an old church, I know its crazy!!! Built in 1912. I plan on making a blog about the restoration.
It was a complete miracle that we were able to get a loan and insurance on this property. We feel that this has been Heavenly Father's plan from the first time we looked at the property over a year ago. We love the history of this building and are so excited to restore it. We know this is a long term project. If you have the right attitude you can do anything. We had a small amount of money to do some repairs before we move in. Mostly electrical, paint and flooring. We have been working on it for a month now. We have to move in ASAP because we can't pay two rents. One of the first days we were tearing out carpet I kept seeing Wade with a distant look on his face. It was hard at first to see all the work that needed to be done and where to get started. He had a look of, "What have we done!" But I felt cheerful starting the work because I had already gone through so much while deciding to buy the place. I know what I'm in for and had the confidence from the confirmation of the Spirit that we are following the right path. I am so grateful that I went through such a hard time in deciding to purchase the property. I know that it will give me strength through the coming years. I know that Heavenly Father hears and answers our prayers. It is frustrating some times because only when we are very still can we hear the promptings. I really wanted a huge vision or revelation during the purchasing time to give me clear answers. I begged and begged for a big revelation. But I didn't get my answer that way. Heavenly Father quietly and gently lead me through small feelings. I was totally in the dark while He lead me along. It is always by hindsight that I get the clear picture. I can clearly see the events and how following the simple small promptings blessed my life. I hope to learn to move forward with more faith instead of doubting and fearing. Heavenly Father knows the timing in delivering us in any trial or problem we face. He lead us through unemployment, living in a very small home for many years, health problems, etc....
Heavenly Father is the living God. He plays an active roll in our lives if we just pay attention and seek Him. Miracles are all around us. We must be patient. This is my hope to all. Money does not bring us happiness. Bigger homes do not bring us happiness. If we submit our will to Heavenly Father's will we can see clearly and have peace and joy in the daily moments.

This Christmas season although we don't have a big tree up and wont until very close to Christmas and a very small budget I am filled with more gratitude than ever. With all the hard work comes less idle time to complain. Whats important is being together as a family. Working together, playing together. My children have been learning how to sweep, vacuum, pull up nails and carry wood. Andrea said to me today as I drove her to school, "Everyone has their Christmas tree up but us. I wish we bought a nice big house up in Fiddlers." I didn't say anything but just know that someday she will understand. Wade says that this will change our families life as we have better opportunities to teach our children to work by being in the country and that they can't see the vision we have of the property and what it will become.

"Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not. Behold the wounds which pierced my side, and also the prints of the nails in my hands and feet; be faithful, keep my commandments, and ye shall inherit the kingdom of heaven."

And lastly we can find Christ in Christmas:
"Draw near unto me and I will draw near unto you; seek me diligently and ye shall find me; ask, and ye shall receive; knock and it shall be opened unto you."

(D&C 88:63, 6:36,37)

Life is so full of ups and downs. Carry on! Be brave! He delivers us! Be patient! Look for the miracles in your life!
Love and Light~