So many times I have thought about writing the last two weeks. I haven't had the luxury of time to myself to do that. Today my little Damon went to preschool on a little bus. My Lydia also went to her first day of kindergarten. I had a few hours to myself with the baby. I'd like to say I played and frolicked in the grass with her the whole time, but no. She was my little buddy for a little while. Lydia last night before bed said she would keep her panties dry. I said that's nice that you want to, but we need the pull ups to be dry first. I told her she had to wear one but didn't double check her before bed. She wet her bed and then came and slept on my top comforter on the floor of my bed....which she also peed on. At 4:38 she was whimpering and I discovered what happened. I told her I wasn't mad but that she needed to wear the pull ups. I got my running clothes on and headed out in the dark with my running partner to get a long run in.-9 miles. I wore a head light and we both had our pepper spray. The running trail was VERY dark. I always get scared when we pass other runners/walkers. Mostly women by themselves! They are crazy. We heard some rustling in the bushes by the river and there was some man with plastic sacs. I wouldn't have been able to see him without my head light. It was scary. I have no idea what he was doing. We ran up a little ways and then waited for the woman we passed just prier to make sure she made it safely past him. I later called the police dispatch to report it.
My morning has been filled with washing bedding. That's what I've been trying to get at. And also working on my business books.
Last couple weeks have been my usual emotional roller coasters. Saturday my dad and aunt/step mom was in town at the ranch. We all hung out most of the day with the horses. It was great. I rode my horse which I haven't for months. It was wonderful to be in the saddle and couldn't help singing "home home on the range!" We gave the kids rides. My dad has been coming up more to prepare to cut down the herd by getting some of them ready for the auction. He hates to sell these amazing full blooded Missouri Foxtrotters for practically nothing but the market is way down. Every time he rides one he says, "Wow this is a great horse!" One of the horses is older and had a growth on its underbelly of some sort of skin cancer. He went to get a scalpel and cut it right off while she was tied up to the post. My aunt/step mom was a little surprised and kept asking questions. I thought it was funny to watch her reaction. I grew up with my doctor farmer dad do this all the time. Especially the castrating. Some people might think he is a little barbaric? since he thinks animals have no feelings. He loves horses but he doesn't treat them like humans. I laughed to myself thinking about his new wife and thought, "the things you don't know about someone...until you are married." Or maybe she did?
Andrea has not had near enough experiences riding horses to my shock and amazement. Little julie would never had expected that since I prided myself in my horse skills and thought for sure my kids would be in the saddle while wearing diapers. But it hasn't been the case since I'm either pregnant and nursing for the past 7 years. I was giving Andrea a nice ride in the big corral. I had worked my mare for a little while before getting on and then was riding her for awhile. But she wasn't worn out enough. I've ridden her hundreds of times but they are still animals and you can't always predict every movement they make. Sometimes you think you can. Andrea was getting comfortable sitting behind me when she kept asking to go faster. I thought well my horse is doing pretty good. We could do a slow lope. I started clicking at her and kicked gently to get her moving when she started bucking. Oh man I still can't believe it. It was the hardest buck I ever felt her do. Andrea flew off. I was sideways on the horse and decided I wasn't going to make it and let go completely. I hit the ground hard on my lower back. My sacrum to be exact. Right between my hips. I got up as fast as I could to get out of my horses way and fumbled back down because of the pain. Andrea has made it right in front of my face screaming her head off. I couldn't think straight with the pain in my back and her screaming. I yelled out, "Be Quiet!" "I'm so sorry dad!" What I meant was. I ruined it. I was trying to have a good experience for my daughter. My running days started flashing through my mind. Everyone came around and Wade took screaming Andrea away. I laid there on the ground assessing the damage. "Your going to be fine. It wasn't a big horse. You didn't fall that far. Your going to be fine doing your running." Dad and Kathy helped me up and walked me around. I started crying, "She will never forgive me!"
"Oh yes she will. Its not that bad." he said.
Weird thing was I kept wanting to cry. It was like the tipping point for a lot of emotions I've been dealing with lately and it was all spilling out. "My mom hates me!" yes that thought kept me crying. My adult relationship with my mom has been nothing but hell.
I was really sore. Andrea's head hurt her for a couple days. I've been icing my back and after 3 days I'm feeling pretty good, unless I sneeze.
On the way home I kept telling Andrea that she was now an official cowgirl. Your not a cowgirl until you've been bucked off a horse. Now you can brag to all your friends! You always have to get back on the horse and face your fears. ----I'm not looking forward to it.
Love & Light~
