Just Thoughts

We got rid of our home phone, satellite TV and had the owners pay for Internet. It feels really good. We have amazing digital reception for TV. But now have to suffer through the commercials. Which means we watch less TV. That is always good!

I really want to sign up the girls for dance. I would rather not cut/dye my hair, buy new clothes or eat out to have them in dance. Unfortunately those things have pretty much already been cut out of the budget. It is amazing right now. As I was scrubbing a disabled man's disgusting apartment on Friday for 5 hours (hating every minute of it) to make $100, I thought back. I remember quiet vividly how my mom used to throw $100 bills around like they were $1 bills. And there we were. My mom and I scrubbing our hearts out. Not that I don't like work. I just didn't expect to be doing this kind of work after finishing school, I especially didn't like to see my mother doing that kind of work. But we are after all here to be proven and tried.

I cried to Wade the other night thinking about our daughter starting school and how I wanted to go to St. George just she and I and go school shopping. I also need to get DW some clothes for his birthday, especially church clothes and shoes. He is turning 1 next week!

He said, "why do you want to buy her new clothes?"

"Because I always got new clothes for school."

"I didn't. It's more for you than for her. She is only 5."

We signed her up for soccer months ago. It is nice because we only pay once upfront. She has this fundraiser shop local card. It is the best fundraiser I have seen. You could literally go into Pizza Hut every day and buy one pizza and get one free for a year. Pizza Hut is only 1 out of 24 other coupons 12 of which is continuous. I was determined to show her how to do this fundraising stuff and we went out and sold 10 of them. Now she will get a free soccer ball, t-shirt, back-pack, deluxe-goodie bag, dairy queen desert, and wingers kids meal. I'm feeling like a good mom!

We moved the computer into the kitchen area yesterday. Goodbye play pen in my room! Now D.W can nap in his room. I need to get the girls some bunk beds. That way they have more space to play in their room. We are learning to use the space we have more efficiently.

My son is finally having a couple of good days. The teething has been awful, poor guy! Today he has been eating a lot and playing. It is always sad when you know they are not their happy little selves.

I have such a good husband. He is trying so hard to do what is right. Plus he is so nice to me and never critical. We played soccer in the backyard tonight as a family. It was so great. It made me so grateful for my home. Goodnight!

It is a beautiful day today, filled with so much hope and gratitude.
I know that prayers are being answered. I feel peace today.
Wade and I rode our bikes tonight with the kids in the little bike trailer to the in-laws. Grandma was sitting in a chair watching her garden grow. They were happy to see us. We had a nice visit and left with fresh green beans.
On the way home was an amazing sun set. Purple and mostly a bright pink colored the sky behind the hills of three peaks. I'm feeling so gratful for my family, my home, my life.

Hope

I read an interesting book last night. "There is no Death"
I was intrigued by the description of the spirit world and spirit prison.
After reading it I thought, "Come on, things arent very bad at all-you can do this!"

I often think about the series of books written by Bruce R. McConkie about the Messiah.
I borrowed the first two in the series from my mom. My husband and I started reading it this morning. It was great. I am excited to learn more about my Savior.

I am working on keeping my perspective in check. It is easy to let my emotions get carried away. Of course Satan is working on us every day. That is why I need to be as strict as I can in keeping all the commandments. What hope there is in the Savior. So that is the feeling I have today--HOPE! don't lose it!

my favorite place to camp!

This is the last picture my camera took before it died.

The camping couch

I couldn't get these pictures to go in the order I wanted.

This is at the end of the hike at Calf Creek:

a beautiful water fall and a refreshing cool pool of water.

These are our friends who came camping with us!

Jace and Amy and their two little ones.

(I couldn't get this picture up right!)

The two little ones!

Our girls were great hikers! Andrea hiked 6 miles without complaining!
We've trained her well!!
The trail was hot and sandy.
Lydie did good too! I had to hold her on my back a lot. She is only 3!



D.W. loved playing in the water and the sand!

A better view of the falls.
This is about when Lyddie threw sand onto the camera leading to its demise.

What will I do without you???

Getting ready for the hike


Our faithful back pack
Lydie in the camp ground

Happy family!

The stream had this amazing flat slab of rock at the bottom. Easy to walk on.

Calf Creek:

is the most amazing camp ground I have ever been. I love it! Located between Escalante and Boulder in South Central Utah, it is part of the Grand Staircase Escalante Monument. It is tucked away in the middle of a red rock canyon. An oasis in the middle of a desolate land of amazing rock formations and landscapes. The camp ground has 14 camp sites. It has the calf creek running straight through it and is so fun to play in. At the camp is the trail head to this amazing hike where at the end is the water fall. On the hike you can see an old Indian granery on the wall of the canyon and hyrogliphics. Each site has a lot of privacy. Too bad my camera was ruined because I could have taken more great pics!

I'm feeling much better today. I started the day off good with reading with my hubby and prayer. Listened to good music and had a good time with my children. Yesterday was the day we came home camping and the chaos began. Camping is a lot of work --but well worth it!

my weakest moments

Tonight I thought to myself. I feel like screaming. Than I realized, I had been screaming. My tears well up and I feel terrable. I can't seem to be the perfect mom I wanted to be. My house is too damn small, too much mess..we do have to live around here. I can't keep everything contained. I yelled at my girl for dumping her toys all over her little room. They can't even play around here. I can't buy them the things I wan't. My chest is flatter than ever. I hate them!- or whats left of them. I hate my clothes. I'm scared and afraid. I wan't more kids but some moments I think-how? I'm crazy!
Mommy can you get me some tape? Mommy can you help me find my bear? My tummy hurts. Baby is crawling around wanting my attention. My tummy hurts. Mommy I really need help finding my bear. Meanwhile the financial stress if suffocating me. I'm tired.
How can I fill all their needs and give them each their individual attention?---especially if I keep having more.
I feel like talking to someone, who?
Maybe someone will call me. Nope. We disconnected the phone and haven't told anyone yet.
I don't have a moment to talk anyways!
God, help me. help me. help me. PLEASE! I feel so insignificant.

Worrier Conquers Bike

The battle wound after conquering the bike. Handle bar in the eye. These pictures are a few days after it happened.

When I watched her ride it for the first time by herself...it felt like a miracle. There she goes...finally! My worrier did it!

Last week I decided we are going to conquer this bike thing! So when the daddy came home and the baby was asleep I packed up the girls in the truck and drove to the church parking lot. There were a bunch of kids from our ward there riding their bikes. They became the cheerleaders, coaches and fan members. They were cheering her on and giving us pointers. The oldest kid gave us a great idea. He said that his dad taught them to ride a bike by getting a belt and putting it around the arm pits and holding up the slack in the back as they rode. I whipped off my belt and tried it. It was amazing. Soon after that she was riding all by herself. I was so happy and she loves it.

This is my speedy Lydie Bug.

She had a lot of fun riding around the church, stopping at water puddles for awhile, stepping in the water and back on her big wheel again.

We all went out again so Daddy could see the bike riding action.

Little D.W. had a lot of fun too!

I just feel so proud that she was able to ride her bike on her own. She got hurt a few times but we talked about how those are just battle wounds from having fun. And that, it is cool to have battle wounds because it means you had fun. I want to thank those kids for being there because it helped her a lot to be brave and have confidence.

i cried today for my sister.

we went to lunch and talked about our sisterhood on the rocks. at the end she said, " your still mad." i choked on the lump in my throat, it wouldn't go down, liquid spilled out, "no i'm not, i'm just sad."

"sad that things are different?"

"yes"

sad that we don't believe the same things. sad that we live such different lives that it makes it awkward. its easier to get over it after a cry.

"do you want to meet him?"

"hhmm, i don't know."

"than no for sure if you don't know. all my friends were excited to meet him."

"i'm not like your friends. just ask cheryl. she always got nervous to bring her boyfriends around me because i can't always behave myself. i'm like the protector.

let me get used to the idea and make sure you really like him before i meet him."

"okay. call me before friday. give me a hug, i love you."

"i love you too."

cry, cry, cry

yes, i'm sensitive. may i never lose my sensitivity to the ones i love most. may i always worry about them, think about them.