I was trying to get the house in decent order and the kids ready. All of a sudden my 5 year old Lydia yells with tears.
"You said you were going to be a better mom after going to that womens conference and your NOT! Your the same!!"
I stop in my tracks stunned. She is crying and looking me straight in the eyes. Did I just hear her correctly?
I'm not better? I'm the same? What?
I about fell over at the honesty and heart felt....insult.
"Okay, Lydia lets talk about his. Come with me on my bed and we will talk."
She is crying and I think she feels bad at what she said but I don't let her know my feelings are hurt. I want to really figure out what she is feeling and saying.
"What do you mean I'm not better? What do you think I should be like?"
She doesn't say anything.
"Am I being a bad mom?"
She doesn't say anything.
"Am I yelling at you? Am I being mean? Am I making you work all day or something?"
"No," she says.
"Are you maybe a little bored and you wish you could go to kindergarten right now?"
"Yes," she says.
"Lydia I want to do fun things with you and we do fun things together but we also have to clean up and I have to take care of other things as well, like this lady is coming soon and I had to get things ready.
I know your having a hard time wanting to go to school like Andrea but soon it will be summer and we are going to have lots of fun and then you will start kindergarten. But for now how about we write a list of the things you and I can do together."
She really perks up and gets excited. "OKAY!"
"I'm going to get a pen and paper write now."
I start telling her each word I write.
Lydia and Mommy's list of things to do together.
"Okay, now you tell me all the things you would like to do with me and I will make a list." She gets excited as she tells me very matter of fact:
1) Jump on the trampoline together if its sunny.
2) Play polly pockets together when Damon is asleep.
3) Draw pictures together.
4) Paint Nails
5) Work on Preschool stuff
6) Go to the park, if its sunny.
7) Make cookies
8) Sing Songs
9) Make fans
10) Read books
11) Make Necklaces
Then we picked two things that we did today. We made necklaces and worked on preschool games. My Lydia is very easy going usually but sometimes she sort of has a melt down. I have to really put in a lot of effort to reach out to her and make sure she is getting enough of my attention and affection. For a moment it made me sad what she initially said to me but then I realized that it was her frustration of being at home with me everyday while she watches Andrea go to school. Sometimes kids also have to learn that mom can't just entertain all day long. We ended up having a great day. My efforts of two different 20 minute activities throughout the day with her made all the difference and she was happy and playing the rest of the day. It is tricky to learn balance with each child. Each child has to be nurtured, listened to, praised and given physical affection.
Sometimes I pray and ask, "Please help me notice and pay attention to something I need to address with each child. Help me to pick up on any ques that my child needs something from me. Don't let me fail one of them. Help me to understand each child and their uniqueness so that I can parent them the way they need me to. Help me be a good mother and present with each of them..................."
I'm feeling so happy lately with my role of motherhood. I know I'm getting help from above. I'm entering a great phase where I have school age kids, toddlers and babies. It makes it more fun. I can listen to Andrea joke and talk about school and her friends and querky things she thinks about. I can sing songs and explain cool things to Lydia. I can make funny faces and noises with Damon and laugh together. I can cuddle, rock, and roll on the floor with Bella. My husband is kind. Life really doesn't get any better. ---my house is small and most of the time messy but its filled with love and laughter.
Love and Light~
