It was Amazing.
It was HARD!
It was just the experience I wanted.
I felt so much empowerment to say what I want. I felt so happy that I switched doctors although I had no complaints about him. I wanted to experience more and I knew Laurie Hansen was who I needed to get that experience. She is a real blessing in this community. A certified nurse midwife that can deliver in the safety of the hopsital.
The nurses were busy when we got there. So Wade and I just hung out. I forced him into bringing the i-pod and speaker thingy. The first song he put on was from the ride at Disneyland, Pirates of the Caribbean. It was funny. I was 8 cm and walking around smiling and laughing with Wade. The nurse, who was a young nurse that I surprisingly felt okay with, could not believe I was in labor and at an 8. She kept checking on me poking her head in the room to ask if I was doing okay. I just smiled and said that I was fine and she had a stupefied look on her face.
Laurie came in and we talked about what I wanted. I wanted her to break my water so we could get this baby here. My baby was born an hour later. Laurie said, "Wow if everybody labored like you, sure would be nice."
The contractions became intense. I had on my tank top and no bottoms. I would often be standing during a contraction while leaning with my forearms on the bed and swaying back and forth through the contractions. Sometimes I would put my knees on the bed and hug a pillow. Sometimes I would lean on Wade. I had no IV, no monitors. I felt so free and in control. The pressure was really building. Contractions feel like a huge amount of pressure pressing down on your whole pelvic area. Sometimes I could feel the pressure spreading my pelvis further apart. It was a very scary feeling. When you say that was a hard contraction that means that you feel the pressure pressing down really heavy. During this time my mind was so enwrapped with the pain of the pressure that I had a hard time focusing and hearing what people were saying. Laurie really wanted to make sure that I was in the position that I wanted to be in. We tried a couple and I surprisingly liked sitting on Wade's lap. When we first got to the hospital and we were just waiting, Wade said that he didn't think that sitting on his lap would be comfortable for either of us. But when it came down to getting into a position Wade suggested that I stay sitting on his lap since I was being a little incoherent just getting through the contractions. They had a chair with no arms on it. Wade sits on the chair and I sit facing him with my legs over his legs. This ended up being the most amazing position. I put my arms around his neck and bury my head in his shoulder. He would lean his face into my neck. It felt amazing to feel so close to him and draw on his strength and our love. It gave me so much comfort. I loved it.
Between contractions my legs started to feel numb and tingly. So I would stand and let the blood come back to my legs until the next contraction came. The nurses were putting these hot wet rags on my bottom. That helped soo much. Wade would also rub my back.
The midwife was talking me through it:
"Your doing so good, your so strong."
"I'm scared."
"It is scary. But you can do it."
"The baby is right there. Do you want to feel it? Put your hand down here and I'll show you. See? That's the baby's head. Just push hard on this next contraction and she will come."
"Holy cow that's her? Oh I'm scared to push."
"You have to push like your on the toilet and let the baby come."
"AAAAHHHHH"
"I'm going to die! I'm going to die!"
"It feels like your going to die Julie, but your not."
"AHHHHH Get her out! Get her out!"
"I can't do it!!! AAAHHHH"
"She is out, here she is."
She reaches the baby up between our legs and into our arms.
"Here is your baby. Grab her."
"I can't, I'm going to fall over! aaahhh. I'm so tired!"
Wade and I both reach for her.
"My baby, my baby. Look at her! Look at that hair! I did it! I did it!"
The midwife has me sit closer to Wade so I don't feel like I'm about to fall backwards. They help me take my tank top off and lay the baby on my chest with blankets around her. Wade cuts the cord right there with the baby between us and we just look with wonder with what just happened.
They helped me get to the bed and I held my baby for at least 2 hours. Respiratory never came into the room. She never needed her nose and mouth suctioned and she didn't get slapped around to make her scream. I always hated when they did that. I could tell my baby was breathing with out hearing her scream. It was a really peaceful time. My baby was calm and beautiful, looking around for the first time.
What a great reward for all the bedrest, the uncomforts of pregnancy....and the pains of childbirth. She literaly took our breath away with her beauty and peaceful spirit.
I couldn't be happier with my birthing experience. It was one of the most beautiful moments of my life. I look at her and am amazed that she was alive and growing inside me. I thank our Heavenly Father for this gift to create life. I felt all the pains and joys of child birth. The rest of the day the pains of delivery were very imprinted in my mind. The next couple of days I looked back on the pain and shuddered. I actually felt that I was going to die. That it was too much. But as soon as I said "I can't do it," she came out. Like a tender mercy from God. As soon as you think you can't take another moment, He comes in and releases you from it.
I asked Wade that afternoon if he thought I would go natural again. He said, "Are you kidding? Is that a question?" and I didn't know what he meant. "Of course you will, " he said. And I thought, "oh, okay I suppose I will." And as I look back on it today I know I will. I won't let that last 30 seconds stop me from experiencing the amazing miracle of bringing life into this world.
Bella Marie
June 10, 2010
6 lbs 14 oz
19 inches
