I really don't have any time to blog.

I have so much to do.

Including getting ready for our adventure this weekend camping in Eastern Utah.

And its the end of the month.

My son is eating loads of famous Dave's spicy pickles right now. I've refilled his cup three times!

We went to a ward potluck last night.

I spent a big part of the day making these two huge casseroles. One to take to the potluck and one to give to a woman who had a baby. I really feel like I need to give back for all the service we received while I was on bed rest. I felt good making it but, wow! It wiped me out and took up most of my day. The bad part was, when we got home my hubby was HUNGRY! After making all that food, he was hungry! Lets just say he doesn't want to go to that again.

My son is getting this sticky pickle stuff all over me.

I went grocery shopping last night at 10pm. That is really late for me. But that sounded better than doing it today with four kids. I need a nap so bad.

No cooking today. But actually I do want to make salsa, and a pasta salad---maybe tomorrow!

Baby Bella

Bella Marie

3 days old

Let me tell you about my sweet Bella.

She is my best natured baby yet.

She has a very peaceful spirit about her.

She is a great nurser and never gets a tummy ache.

We think she will have blue eyes.

She has this amazing hair that none of my other babies had.

She is adorable!

Something I've learned about raising babies.

No two babies are the same.

Some babies sleep better than others.

Some babies eat better than others.

Some babies need to cry things out, some babies don't.

Every baby has their own personality.

It doesn't matter when they crawl, as long as they do eventually.

Same with walking.

It doesn't matter if they talk soon, as long as you know that they can hear, understand, and communicate. They talk when they want to, crawl when they want to, and walk when they want to.

They grow super fast.

My first baby I wanted to do things by the letter of the law.

I wanted to make sure she could fall asleep on her own.

I let her cry things out more.

I had her eating on a stricter schedule.

I bathed her more.

I made sure she could take a bottle right away.

Now I know this is such a fleeting time, I don't care about doing everything "right."

I don't want Bella to cry much.

I want to hold her more while she sleeps.

I want to just sit with her or lay by her and watch her more.

I have no desire to leave her with anyone.

I don't care if she can take a bottle or not.

It only last one year.

So I'm going to enjoy every moment.

Homecoming

The day I came home ended up being a difficult one.

I am sore, and exhausted. I move slow and rest lots.

That did not sit well with Andrea my 6 year old.

"I thought you weren't supposed to be on bed rest anymore!"

"Andrea, I just had a baby and I have to rest to recover. The baby is up a lot in the night."

"I'm hungry!"

"How about a yogurt with granola?"

"NO!"

"How about a piece of cheese?"

"How about a sandwich?"

"No No"

"How about an apple? An orange?"

"I hate all of that!"

"I can't help you then." She slams the door to her room and I hear her crying.

She comes out a few minutes later.

"I am bored. I have nothing to do!!....and I'm hungry!!"

I can't seem to please this child. I go into their bedroom and something I see triggers something that upset me at the hospital. I start crying.

I kept crying and couldn't stop.

These thoughts came. I have no more strength. I tried so hard to keep it together week after week on bed rest. I mustered up all the energy I had to make it through my natural delivery. I have nothing left. I'm done.

"Don't tell me you hate all the food I offer you. Don't tell me you are bored when we have a Wii, trampoline, lots of toys, and siblings to play with. Now everyone clean up this house and from now on pick up after yourselves. At least I'm home, even if I can't be your playmate."

But that is as bad as it got.

It has been all up hill from there. Every day I feel better, and get closer to normalise. These are the realities of life. The realities of raising children. I'm certainly not perfect.

In a family, during difficult times or during times of change it effects everyone. But there is a time and place to share feelings. I think that children need to learn a little restraint as far as letting everyone know just how they are feeling during a certain moment. Sometimes it is inappropriate. Sharing feelings is super important in a family. But not in a moment when within an hour of someone just coming home from the hospital you decide to slam doors and throw fits.

Its a lot different bringing your baby home from the hospital when you have three children at home to greet you, verses when you have one other at home. All three are excited to see you, see the baby and all need some one on one attention. It is good. Just complicated. Each age is so neat to watch as they interact with the new baby.

Andrea-6: "Mom you should feed the baby right now."

Lydia-4: "Look at her she is so cute! I want to keep her."

Damon-22/mo: Smiles, points, and pets her face.

I've been calling Damon the closet talker lately. He will not talk when we are around. But everyonce in a while I hear him in another room byhimself...."baby"...."bike".....

And for me, I can't get enough of my brand new precious baby. I know more now then I ever have how fast children grow. How precious this time is. The newborn stage goes by in a blink of an eye.

Stool

There is nothing more terrifying after you come home from giving birth then the thoughts of pushing the poop out.


After going through what I did naturally--I want to be done with any forms of pushing in that area of the body.


But Wade is so good to talk me through hard times.


"I'm scared."


"It's okay I know you can do it."


"What if,..its not......soft enough?"


"Just go slow."


"AAAHHHH! I can't do it!"


"Yes you can, you have to!"

just kidding folks!!


First of all why does it take days to even feel the urge? Why do the bowels immediately get backed up. So when the urge does come, the thought arises, "will it be soft enough????"


Stool Softener is one of the greatest inventions known to woman. What would the post-partum mother do without it?

Birth

It was Amazing.

It was HARD!

It was just the experience I wanted.

I felt so much empowerment to say what I want. I felt so happy that I switched doctors although I had no complaints about him. I wanted to experience more and I knew Laurie Hansen was who I needed to get that experience. She is a real blessing in this community. A certified nurse midwife that can deliver in the safety of the hopsital.

The nurses were busy when we got there. So Wade and I just hung out. I forced him into bringing the i-pod and speaker thingy. The first song he put on was from the ride at Disneyland, Pirates of the Caribbean. It was funny. I was 8 cm and walking around smiling and laughing with Wade. The nurse, who was a young nurse that I surprisingly felt okay with, could not believe I was in labor and at an 8. She kept checking on me poking her head in the room to ask if I was doing okay. I just smiled and said that I was fine and she had a stupefied look on her face.

Laurie came in and we talked about what I wanted. I wanted her to break my water so we could get this baby here. My baby was born an hour later. Laurie said, "Wow if everybody labored like you, sure would be nice."

The contractions became intense. I had on my tank top and no bottoms. I would often be standing during a contraction while leaning with my forearms on the bed and swaying back and forth through the contractions. Sometimes I would put my knees on the bed and hug a pillow. Sometimes I would lean on Wade. I had no IV, no monitors. I felt so free and in control. The pressure was really building. Contractions feel like a huge amount of pressure pressing down on your whole pelvic area. Sometimes I could feel the pressure spreading my pelvis further apart. It was a very scary feeling. When you say that was a hard contraction that means that you feel the pressure pressing down really heavy. During this time my mind was so enwrapped with the pain of the pressure that I had a hard time focusing and hearing what people were saying. Laurie really wanted to make sure that I was in the position that I wanted to be in. We tried a couple and I surprisingly liked sitting on Wade's lap. When we first got to the hospital and we were just waiting, Wade said that he didn't think that sitting on his lap would be comfortable for either of us. But when it came down to getting into a position Wade suggested that I stay sitting on his lap since I was being a little incoherent just getting through the contractions. They had a chair with no arms on it. Wade sits on the chair and I sit facing him with my legs over his legs. This ended up being the most amazing position. I put my arms around his neck and bury my head in his shoulder. He would lean his face into my neck. It felt amazing to feel so close to him and draw on his strength and our love. It gave me so much comfort. I loved it.

Between contractions my legs started to feel numb and tingly. So I would stand and let the blood come back to my legs until the next contraction came. The nurses were putting these hot wet rags on my bottom. That helped soo much. Wade would also rub my back.

The midwife was talking me through it:

"Your doing so good, your so strong."

"I'm scared."

"It is scary. But you can do it."

"The baby is right there. Do you want to feel it? Put your hand down here and I'll show you. See? That's the baby's head. Just push hard on this next contraction and she will come."

"Holy cow that's her? Oh I'm scared to push."

"You have to push like your on the toilet and let the baby come."

"AAAAHHHHH"

"I'm going to die! I'm going to die!"

"It feels like your going to die Julie, but your not."

"AHHHHH Get her out! Get her out!"

"I can't do it!!! AAAHHHH"

"She is out, here she is."

She reaches the baby up between our legs and into our arms.

"Here is your baby. Grab her."

"I can't, I'm going to fall over! aaahhh. I'm so tired!"

Wade and I both reach for her.

"My baby, my baby. Look at her! Look at that hair! I did it! I did it!"

The midwife has me sit closer to Wade so I don't feel like I'm about to fall backwards. They help me take my tank top off and lay the baby on my chest with blankets around her. Wade cuts the cord right there with the baby between us and we just look with wonder with what just happened.

They helped me get to the bed and I held my baby for at least 2 hours. Respiratory never came into the room. She never needed her nose and mouth suctioned and she didn't get slapped around to make her scream. I always hated when they did that. I could tell my baby was breathing with out hearing her scream. It was a really peaceful time. My baby was calm and beautiful, looking around for the first time.

What a great reward for all the bedrest, the uncomforts of pregnancy....and the pains of childbirth. She literaly took our breath away with her beauty and peaceful spirit.

I couldn't be happier with my birthing experience. It was one of the most beautiful moments of my life. I look at her and am amazed that she was alive and growing inside me. I thank our Heavenly Father for this gift to create life. I felt all the pains and joys of child birth. The rest of the day the pains of delivery were very imprinted in my mind. The next couple of days I looked back on the pain and shuddered. I actually felt that I was going to die. That it was too much. But as soon as I said "I can't do it," she came out. Like a tender mercy from God. As soon as you think you can't take another moment, He comes in and releases you from it.

I asked Wade that afternoon if he thought I would go natural again. He said, "Are you kidding? Is that a question?" and I didn't know what he meant. "Of course you will, " he said. And I thought, "oh, okay I suppose I will." And as I look back on it today I know I will. I won't let that last 30 seconds stop me from experiencing the amazing miracle of bringing life into this world.

Bella Marie

June 10, 2010

6 lbs 14 oz

19 inches

Almost

I felt different all day. No I wasn't in full labor. But I was having contractions and cramping all throughout the day. Walking seemed harder, like there was more pressure in my pelvis. I kept calling Wade to make sure I could get a hold of him. He was in St. George all day and because I was feeling so different all day I was scared. "If my water broke right now---he wouldn't make it." So when he got home we got ready to go to the hospital. My mom was bouncing off the rafters, stressing me out. There was a lot of excitment in the air. Wade's mom came over. Wade was a little uncomfortable with it and said he wanted to give me a blessing at the hospital away from every one. But I really wanted my children involved and them to see him give me a blessing. So we locked ourselves in our bedroom. It was so nice. I felt a lot of peace.
The kids were crying like crazy as we said goodbye. Usually we would leave in the middle of the night and their isn't all this drama going on. I wasn't sure that we should go to the hospital yet but we needed to just get out of the house.

When we got to the hospital I said, "I'm ready to have my baby." The nurses always look at you like, oh sure you are. Thinking that I'm probably not even a 2 cm. When we got in the room the nurse asked me, "how many preganancies have you had?" I immediatly liked her after that. Now she wont treat me like I don't know anything. I don't know why I hadn't seen her before. I told her I'm probably dilated to a 7. Which I was. They couldn't believe I was at a 7 and not screaming. Its pretty cool. Well long story short we ended up going home. The reason being so I could get a good nights sleep and come in first thing in the morning. I think that will be great. My nurse midwife will break my water this morning and enjoy the rest of the day with our baby. Otherwise I would have been wanting to be with my baby and try to get sleep all night. I have claimed that I never wanted my water broken ever again. But I can't risk Wade missing my delivery. I'm past 38 weeks and 7 cm with 90% thinned--lets get this baby here! I'm so excited and nervouse!! --and that was a big contraction........

Waiting

Oh when oh when will this baby come out? Oh when oh when will she come?
Yesterday was my 38 week mark!! I am so happy to make it this far. I felt like I could make it full term since I have twice before. Some people are wondering why I was on bed rest since I haven't had the baby immediately after being up. I feel that the bed rest is what has helped me get this far. Maybe I didn't need to be flat on my back all the time but there is no way of really knowing which factors have made the most impact. I know that if a doctor hadn't said to me, you have to be down, that I would have totally over done it.
I have really thought about the delicateness of pregnancy--being on bed rest. So often we as women want to be supermoms, superwoman. Some women like to brag about what they can do while they are pregnant: "I was running up to 30 weeks." "I was hiking and bike riding all through my pregnancy." "I worked up to the day I had my baby."
What is the payoff? It could mean a preterm baby. Is that worth it? It gives you a false sense of indestructibility--being super. In the past I have felt proud to be hiking and not letting pregnancy slow me down. I thought that my body was perfect for having children because I had two normal, full term pregnancies while living an active lifestyle. But that all came crashing down when I had my third child at 34 weeks. All the sudden being superwoman didn't feel so good anymore. My child was not completely ready to be born. His lungs were not fully ready to breath air. I would shudder when the nurses in the hospital would refer to my baby as "sick" instead of pre-term. I felt in denial about his condition. In my mind he was completely healthy and normal...except that he needed a little help breathing. When I went in to the hospital I was telling the nurse about how I as feeling contractions all night and now and then that morning. She asked me questions and then she said, "Did you ever think about laying down?" And the ridiculous thing was---I hadn't!
I found out the hard way that not every birth may be the same.
I will never feel guilty again for taking a nap if I am tired.
I will never feel guilty again if my house is not clean and the laundry is in heaps.
I will never feel guilty again to walk slower, take a bath in the middle of the day, and sit down all afternoon.
I will never feel guilty again to say, "no I can't do that," or "that would be to much for me right now."
My goal is healthy full term babies. I feel so ready to meet her and bring her home.
I am now dilated to a 6+. Amazing isn't it. My dad said he has never heard of someone just walking around for days at a 6. I'm worrying all the time about Wade missing the delivery. I was thinking about just deciding to go into the hospital and being at a 6 they would definitely keep me. I may do just that. I would be safe in the hospital and Wade would be there.

Graves

I have officially messed up the order of my blog. These first two pictures I was going to put further down. I wanted to show how unique this cemetery is in Pinto.

They do not plant grass here. It has a natural desert landscape. This grave they are kneeling at is a relative of the Forsyth's. 3 great grandpas from Rodney I think. His name is Richard Harrison. There is a new statue monument of him in Cedar City in front of the Wells Fargo bank that was dedicated this last year. My father in-law Rodney is a walking genealogy book.

So what they do is they bring rakes and shovels and clean up the graves on Memorial day. It is a neat tradition. I wish I had some better pictures of this but I was relaxing in the car. ;)

I snuck out of the house on Memorial Day!! It was sosoo nice to be outside. I spent most of the day sitting in the car reclined back. After visiting cemeteries we had a fun bar-b-q where I sat and relaxed as well. So I think I did a good job taking it easy.


This is Newcastle Cemetery. This is Wade's grandparents grave. His grandparents had 10 children and 6 of them were there that day. Andrea met both of them before they died. His Grandparents were real pioneer people. The children bought her an electric washer and dryer. She would use the washer but not let the water spin out and reuse the same water for several loads and she refused to use the dryer for years. She was an excellent cook and was famous for her banana bread, and candy. His Grandpa was born and died at 90 years old in the same house. That amazes me. I've never known anyone to stay in one place for so long. Most of Wade's relatives do that--very strange and foreign to me. On the one hand it is cool to keep deep traditions and the comfort of "coming home" to grandma and grandpas. The same chair you used as a kid still in the corner. The wall paper exactly the same as you remembered it. The same exact carpet still there under your feet. The same little toys they have had for 3 generations of grand kids including their own children using them. But on the other hand it is a little creepy to me, whose not used to it. The fact that nothing changes seems so strange. Don't we as humans want to progress and move forward? Don't we always want to improve our situations and circumstances? I guess for those who have families like that it is special for them and something to admire. Because it brings the family closer together and bonds their memories and relationships.


This is the first time I have visited graves on Memorial day. This is something that was not done in my family. I didn't know people even did this. I think it is really neat to honor your heritage by visiting graves and telling their stories.

Pinto Cemetery. Wade has a ton of relatives buried here.

Before hair cut.

After hair cut. He looks so different and more like a little boy then a baby!