I feel exhausted all the time. It is so much work trying to be a happy wife and a patient mother. I feel tired.
I love my life but I feel like I'm having a hard time enjoying it. Like I'm just too tired to even smile sometimes. I went running this morning at five am but I don't feel more energy.
Pray harder
Study better
Think better thinks
wash clothes
change diapers
fix kids hair
feed the kids
play with the kids
teach them not to fight
teach them how:
to be kind,
good manners,
God fearing,
nurture their talents
I'm a teacher
I'm a nurse
I'm a cook
I'm a maid
I'm a councilor
make dinners
wash dishes
clean floors
pick up pick up pick up
answer a million questions
get myself ready
I'm a secretary
business work/bills/normal adult stresses
I'm tired.
Its hard to get excited about anything. If we plan to do something fun, well that's a lot of work too. This is supposed to be the most precious time and the most important time raising small children, yet it is the most exhausting. It feels like life is a game you know like a.......test. ;) I feel like I've been playing this game for a loong time. I feel old.
The strange thing is too that even if I get lots of sleep, I'm still tired. But I think its being tired emotionally that makes me tired physically.
I felt today like I need more strength. Every day can seem so mundane and the same. My work is never ending. Day and Night energy is needed to raise small children and take care of a household. I realized that it didn't seem like I've been saying enough personal prayers. I feel like we pray a lot as a family. Morning and night prayers plus meal prayers and then there is the many little prayers I say in my mind during the day. But to actually kneel down, say my prayer out loud, Bymyself, and just be still for a moment....that makes all the difference. So simple and yet sometimes seems so hard to do right now. I peeked around the corner and noticed my kids watching a movie and Bella playing on the floor. I thought, this is my chance. I shut my door, take a deep breath and kneel by my bed. It felt good. Like taking a little breather out of my day to get some heavenly help. Mondays are just plain hard.
Today is Wednesday and I've had a great day. I went on a nice long run this morning and read about King Noah and Abinadi with Wade before he went to work. Mosiah is one of my favorite books. I didn't feel so tired today like I did on Monday. I feel like heavens helping me because I felt peace and I felt almost no stress today. I didn't go anywhere all day until tonight when I took the kids and Makenze to Wendy's to get a frosty. I spent a lot of time being with my children, talking with them, playing with them, eating with them, watching them. Of course I still did a bunch of miscellaneous housework and answered the business phones--part of the never ending work. But I felt very content and grateful today. I wish I could stay in a place of gratitude and contentment all the time. I'm so excited that my niece Makenze is getting baptised this month on the 12th.-Lydia's birthday! This will be the most important decision of her life, a decision she has made on her own.
My Andrea and Lydia have these little Book of Mormon's. Everyday at different times they come to me wanting to read it. Lydia asks me to read and she repeats what I say. This morning when Andrea woke up, her eyes weren't all the way adjusted to the light when she was standing at my bedroom door holding her Book of Mormon and hoped she was in time to read with Wade and I. She has been reading on her own and understanding it! She gets excited about it and when she finished the first chapter in Nephi for the first time on her own she was so happy. I thought to myself, "I just witnessed my daughter read the first chapter of the Book of Mormon for the first time in her life." What a great beginning for her in her young life. It took me until seminary to read the Book of Mormon. She has decided to read the Book of Mormon this year to see if it is true for herself for baptism this year. We have been reading out of the picture book for a few years on the Book of Mormon stories but there is something special about reading the pure language from the scriptures. I really have amazing kids. They seem so eager to learn and talk about spiritual things.
I've been practicing the piano. Its been really fun for me. I'm very much a beginner but for the first time in my life I want to figure it out. I used to think that the window for learning the piano was gone. But I wonder if I could learn the piano good enough to play any hymn, even now. You can learn knew things as adults! So I've been picking at some simplified hymns. Last night I taught Andrea chop sticks on the piano. This morning when my mom came over before the bus run Andrea showed her what I taught her. My mom said, "okay, are you ready?" Andrea didn't understand what she meant but then for the next 20 minutes I listened to my mom and Andrea play the chop sticks duet like I used to do with her as a kid. It was really special and Andrea can't wait to play the piano again with Grandma--in the morning!
Love and Light~
