Church went well today. I think that Bella was much better than usual. Andrea had her Bishop interview to see if she is ready for baptism. It was very exciting as she prepared to leave. She has a good understanding of the basic principles of the gospel and wants to follow Jesus Christ. Earlier this morning she got very upset at her.....homework. Which I'm encouraging her to not do on Sundays. She is a serious girl and gets upset and frustrated easily. I heard her say that she wishes she never came down to earth because it is too hard. I was very sad and concerned and thought, "What 7 year old says that?" Is her life so hard? Is it because of me? Is homework and her not getting along with her siblings making her want to leave this earth?? I don't know if I should get mad that she isn't being grateful, scared because she needs some serious counseling or what! Is she just wanting a deep conversation and attention from me? That's what she got. We talked it all out. I'm thinking in the back of my head that she needs more positive reinforcement from me. Parenting is getting harder. I'm feeling inadequate.
Those raging emotions are really slamming me lately. One minute I'm feeling so good about things and the next I'm throwing something and crying! Its crazy but sometimes I like to throw things. Rags, brushes, shoes, toys. Usually I throw something when I'm alone and about to cry. Its wonderful. The other day I was crying and looking out my back window and had the urge to go shovel a bunch of dirt as fast as I could. I haven't ran in 4 weeks. I've really missed the fresh air and physical release. I finally went a couple of days ago with my friend again. I wore two sports bras and found it uncomfortably snug. When I got home Wade asked how my "walk" went. I told him I ended up jogging. He was not happy. Doctor said 4 weeks and I went running 3 days too soon. I've really transgressed. I'm actually a little sore (in my legs) and feel a little out of shape but not too bad. I hope to go all this week.
Back to the raging emotions. If running this week doesn't help than I'm going to give my dad another call. I'm wondering if I need something to get me through the holidays. Oh the guilt and pain to have this thought go through my head but its been bad for me lately. I'm sure he will just talk me out of it...again. Talking helps me a lot too. Its weird how it all got better and now its like the stress of the holidays is bringing it all back.
I'm going to the temple this week!!! I'm soo happy and looking forward to it. After black Friday shopping we are going to the temple! I love the temple and I know I am strengthened and blessed when I go. It also helps strengthen my marriage. I didn't realize that we were so consistent at going to the temple. We miss two or three months once in awhile. But we don't usually go longer then that. I have a friend that a few years ago we used to switch every month for at least a year. We started switching a little bit again. The reason I bring this up is because recently I watched another of my friends children while her and her husband went to the temple. What was shocking to me was that they haven't been to the temple since their children have been born and their oldest is 6. They have also never done sealings together. This really saddened me. I was so thrilled to help them go. It made me think a lot about the importance of going to the temple and also how hard it is to go when you have young children. Sometimes it feels so overwhelming to schedule someone to watch the kids for 5 hours...and I'm trying to always find free babysitting! -that makes it trickier!
It is WORTH it! Worth all the inconvenience and stress. It takes a lot of planning. I wonder when I go to church and see the good families there, who among them haven't been to the temple for a long time or they haven't been there for the first time. I hope to be more sensitive to those around me because I now know that I can't assume that everyone is going regularly. My primary teaching partner has a few boys who have some problems and she mentioned to me that she and her husband haven't been back to the temple since they got sealed earlier this year. They have no one to watch those boys who need adult--not teenage--supervision. I told her today that I want to watch those boys sometime soon before Christmas so they can go to the temple. However hard this will be for me to watch them, I want to serve her and help them in this way. We need to stand in holy places! One of those places is my home, (when I'm not yelling and throwing things :'( and the TeMpLe!
This week is Thanksgiving, Wade's birthday and Andrea's birthday (Black Friday and Temple visit). Its going to be crazy busy and lots of fun. I'm going to do my best to enjoy it and be happy! I'm feeling like I need to repent for being caught up in worrying about the budget instead of being Thankful and thinking about the true meaning of Christmas. I actually have most of my decorations up for Christmas--since my sister when she was here stated that I needed to do it earlier this year. I said, "Yes I will, Your right!" Because she said, "You shouldn't decorate for fall for three months and Christmas for only one month. Put your fall decorations away even though its before Thanksgiving. I thought, "why not?" I obeyed and now keep pestering Wade to get us a tree. "Can we get one today?" "Can we get one today?" "How about we get the tree today?" I won't go back to a fake tree...not yet!
Love and Light~
