Wednesday, November 30, 2011
To be a kid....
Since I'm on my phone I'll make it short. I couldn't resist letting them put their hands in the flour and feel the cool soft texture. I washed their hands first. Bella cried when I quickly put the lid on. I paused and thought, "why not?" They were very happy!!
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
White Fence
I keep thinking about Andrea and what she said on Sunday. She is easily thrown into a bad attitude. We had another good conversation before bed after she was stomping around mad. I talked to her about what she can do when she gets to the point of being really upset. 1st. Remove yourself from the situation. 2nd, Go to a quiet place and take some deep breaths. We practiced breathing. I told her to release her anger and frustration as she breathed out and let it go. She felt a lot better. Each child takes a lot of physical or emotional energy. Its a lot of work. Have I talked to each of them today? Is everyone feeling heard and happy? sigh
My Sister-in-law dropped off a piece of vinyl white picket fence with a cute Christmas sign hanging on it. I put it up on the worn out desk in the living room that the children color on or do homework on. I started looking at it throughout the day and realized. I have my white picket fence! You know the one everyone talks about.....they were living a great life with the white picket fence.....they even had a white picket fence. We all have that white picket fence. For me its lots of things. Firstly the gospel of Jesus Christ, my family, our health, Love......its all perspective. I would have to say that having a piece of white picket fence inside my house as a decoration is a great symbol! Symbols are very important if you don't already know!!
I'm determined as part of my repentance to teach my children to love the holidays and focus on the WHY of the holidays. Its the good news of our Lord Jesus Christ being born on the earth and that He still lives. I started trying to play some Christmas songs on the piano in hopes that I'll be good enough on a few songs by Christmas that the family can sing along. It is really helping me feel good about the holidays.
Last night my mom took Andrea on a little one on one and they went looking for white baptism shoes. She found a beautiful pair at Payless but they were not comfortable for her. They searched and searched and couldn't find any. My mom got worried but Andrea said, "It doesn't really matter what shoes I wear. What really matters is the going into the water and the coming out." I felt so proud of her when my mom told me that. It makes me again feel like I need to repent for arguing with Wade about the white baptism dress. What is wrong with me? I'm too worried about what doesn't matter. I'm going to try those breathing exercises on myself to let that stuff that doesn't matter go and quit worrying about pleasing everyone. I'm so Human!!
Love and Light~
Monday, November 21, 2011
Sunday Afternoon Ramble
Church went well today. I think that Bella was much better than usual. Andrea had her Bishop interview to see if she is ready for baptism. It was very exciting as she prepared to leave. She has a good understanding of the basic principles of the gospel and wants to follow Jesus Christ. Earlier this morning she got very upset at her.....homework. Which I'm encouraging her to not do on Sundays. She is a serious girl and gets upset and frustrated easily. I heard her say that she wishes she never came down to earth because it is too hard. I was very sad and concerned and thought, "What 7 year old says that?" Is her life so hard? Is it because of me? Is homework and her not getting along with her siblings making her want to leave this earth?? I don't know if I should get mad that she isn't being grateful, scared because she needs some serious counseling or what! Is she just wanting a deep conversation and attention from me? That's what she got. We talked it all out. I'm thinking in the back of my head that she needs more positive reinforcement from me. Parenting is getting harder. I'm feeling inadequate.
Those raging emotions are really slamming me lately. One minute I'm feeling so good about things and the next I'm throwing something and crying! Its crazy but sometimes I like to throw things. Rags, brushes, shoes, toys. Usually I throw something when I'm alone and about to cry. Its wonderful. The other day I was crying and looking out my back window and had the urge to go shovel a bunch of dirt as fast as I could. I haven't ran in 4 weeks. I've really missed the fresh air and physical release. I finally went a couple of days ago with my friend again. I wore two sports bras and found it uncomfortably snug. When I got home Wade asked how my "walk" went. I told him I ended up jogging. He was not happy. Doctor said 4 weeks and I went running 3 days too soon. I've really transgressed. I'm actually a little sore (in my legs) and feel a little out of shape but not too bad. I hope to go all this week.
Back to the raging emotions. If running this week doesn't help than I'm going to give my dad another call. I'm wondering if I need something to get me through the holidays. Oh the guilt and pain to have this thought go through my head but its been bad for me lately. I'm sure he will just talk me out of it...again. Talking helps me a lot too. Its weird how it all got better and now its like the stress of the holidays is bringing it all back.
I'm going to the temple this week!!! I'm soo happy and looking forward to it. After black Friday shopping we are going to the temple! I love the temple and I know I am strengthened and blessed when I go. It also helps strengthen my marriage. I didn't realize that we were so consistent at going to the temple. We miss two or three months once in awhile. But we don't usually go longer then that. I have a friend that a few years ago we used to switch every month for at least a year. We started switching a little bit again. The reason I bring this up is because recently I watched another of my friends children while her and her husband went to the temple. What was shocking to me was that they haven't been to the temple since their children have been born and their oldest is 6. They have also never done sealings together. This really saddened me. I was so thrilled to help them go. It made me think a lot about the importance of going to the temple and also how hard it is to go when you have young children. Sometimes it feels so overwhelming to schedule someone to watch the kids for 5 hours...and I'm trying to always find free babysitting! -that makes it trickier!
It is WORTH it! Worth all the inconvenience and stress. It takes a lot of planning. I wonder when I go to church and see the good families there, who among them haven't been to the temple for a long time or they haven't been there for the first time. I hope to be more sensitive to those around me because I now know that I can't assume that everyone is going regularly. My primary teaching partner has a few boys who have some problems and she mentioned to me that she and her husband haven't been back to the temple since they got sealed earlier this year. They have no one to watch those boys who need adult--not teenage--supervision. I told her today that I want to watch those boys sometime soon before Christmas so they can go to the temple. However hard this will be for me to watch them, I want to serve her and help them in this way. We need to stand in holy places! One of those places is my home, (when I'm not yelling and throwing things :'( and the TeMpLe!
This week is Thanksgiving, Wade's birthday and Andrea's birthday (Black Friday and Temple visit). Its going to be crazy busy and lots of fun. I'm going to do my best to enjoy it and be happy! I'm feeling like I need to repent for being caught up in worrying about the budget instead of being Thankful and thinking about the true meaning of Christmas. I actually have most of my decorations up for Christmas--since my sister when she was here stated that I needed to do it earlier this year. I said, "Yes I will, Your right!" Because she said, "You shouldn't decorate for fall for three months and Christmas for only one month. Put your fall decorations away even though its before Thanksgiving. I thought, "why not?" I obeyed and now keep pestering Wade to get us a tree. "Can we get one today?" "Can we get one today?" "How about we get the tree today?" I won't go back to a fake tree...not yet!
Love and Light~
Those raging emotions are really slamming me lately. One minute I'm feeling so good about things and the next I'm throwing something and crying! Its crazy but sometimes I like to throw things. Rags, brushes, shoes, toys. Usually I throw something when I'm alone and about to cry. Its wonderful. The other day I was crying and looking out my back window and had the urge to go shovel a bunch of dirt as fast as I could. I haven't ran in 4 weeks. I've really missed the fresh air and physical release. I finally went a couple of days ago with my friend again. I wore two sports bras and found it uncomfortably snug. When I got home Wade asked how my "walk" went. I told him I ended up jogging. He was not happy. Doctor said 4 weeks and I went running 3 days too soon. I've really transgressed. I'm actually a little sore (in my legs) and feel a little out of shape but not too bad. I hope to go all this week.
Back to the raging emotions. If running this week doesn't help than I'm going to give my dad another call. I'm wondering if I need something to get me through the holidays. Oh the guilt and pain to have this thought go through my head but its been bad for me lately. I'm sure he will just talk me out of it...again. Talking helps me a lot too. Its weird how it all got better and now its like the stress of the holidays is bringing it all back.
I'm going to the temple this week!!! I'm soo happy and looking forward to it. After black Friday shopping we are going to the temple! I love the temple and I know I am strengthened and blessed when I go. It also helps strengthen my marriage. I didn't realize that we were so consistent at going to the temple. We miss two or three months once in awhile. But we don't usually go longer then that. I have a friend that a few years ago we used to switch every month for at least a year. We started switching a little bit again. The reason I bring this up is because recently I watched another of my friends children while her and her husband went to the temple. What was shocking to me was that they haven't been to the temple since their children have been born and their oldest is 6. They have also never done sealings together. This really saddened me. I was so thrilled to help them go. It made me think a lot about the importance of going to the temple and also how hard it is to go when you have young children. Sometimes it feels so overwhelming to schedule someone to watch the kids for 5 hours...and I'm trying to always find free babysitting! -that makes it trickier!
It is WORTH it! Worth all the inconvenience and stress. It takes a lot of planning. I wonder when I go to church and see the good families there, who among them haven't been to the temple for a long time or they haven't been there for the first time. I hope to be more sensitive to those around me because I now know that I can't assume that everyone is going regularly. My primary teaching partner has a few boys who have some problems and she mentioned to me that she and her husband haven't been back to the temple since they got sealed earlier this year. They have no one to watch those boys who need adult--not teenage--supervision. I told her today that I want to watch those boys sometime soon before Christmas so they can go to the temple. However hard this will be for me to watch them, I want to serve her and help them in this way. We need to stand in holy places! One of those places is my home, (when I'm not yelling and throwing things :'( and the TeMpLe!
This week is Thanksgiving, Wade's birthday and Andrea's birthday (Black Friday and Temple visit). Its going to be crazy busy and lots of fun. I'm going to do my best to enjoy it and be happy! I'm feeling like I need to repent for being caught up in worrying about the budget instead of being Thankful and thinking about the true meaning of Christmas. I actually have most of my decorations up for Christmas--since my sister when she was here stated that I needed to do it earlier this year. I said, "Yes I will, Your right!" Because she said, "You shouldn't decorate for fall for three months and Christmas for only one month. Put your fall decorations away even though its before Thanksgiving. I thought, "why not?" I obeyed and now keep pestering Wade to get us a tree. "Can we get one today?" "Can we get one today?" "How about we get the tree today?" I won't go back to a fake tree...not yet!
Love and Light~
Mouse
I was looking in my closet. Its getting colder and I went looking to the side of my closet that has my winter shirts. As I was looking I pushed back a few hangers to look at a shirt. And to my horror as I pushed them back there in my face, hanging on the middle of my shirt was a little grey mouse. I told my mother this later and she said excitedly, "Was it LOOKING at you??" And let me tell you YES it was. As a matter of fact! I screamed and jumped back onto my bed as the mouse jumped down right where I was standing and ran under my bed. I screamed and yelled! I didn't want to put my feet down. I couldn't believe what just happened. I'm not that jumpy about things, and wouldn't scream if I saw a mouse running on the floor, but to have it in my face like that....words can't describe!
I can't figure out why why why would the mouse be there on my shirt like that. I have no food in there! Apparently everyone is having this problem right now!
I still needed something to wear and my husband came in as I was crouched on my bed trying to look in my closet without my feet touching the floor. We bought some mouse killer type stuff that we have hidden in two places in the house being careful that no children would get to it. Like behind the stove for example. I keep wondering when I use the oven if I'll roast a dead mouse. But chances are the mouse will die somewhere else. I hope I don't find a dead mouse in my house!
I can't figure out why why why would the mouse be there on my shirt like that. I have no food in there! Apparently everyone is having this problem right now!
I still needed something to wear and my husband came in as I was crouched on my bed trying to look in my closet without my feet touching the floor. We bought some mouse killer type stuff that we have hidden in two places in the house being careful that no children would get to it. Like behind the stove for example. I keep wondering when I use the oven if I'll roast a dead mouse. But chances are the mouse will die somewhere else. I hope I don't find a dead mouse in my house!
Dead Mouse!
Last night the girls said that it was stinky under the tv. We didn't investigate it but this morning I smelt it! Something was there! Something awful! It's terrible when your moving things around knowing your going to find something unpleasant....what is it?! What is it?!!
I found it! A dead mouse stuck behind the entertainment wires. I took needle nose pliers and grabbed it. It's skin was sticking and pulled off. I threw it away outside and cleaned the fur and skin off the wires with disinfectant wipes. It was a terrible thing to do. I think Damon gagged!
I found it! A dead mouse stuck behind the entertainment wires. I took needle nose pliers and grabbed it. It's skin was sticking and pulled off. I threw it away outside and cleaned the fur and skin off the wires with disinfectant wipes. It was a terrible thing to do. I think Damon gagged!
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
One of THOSE days...
I've been missing my writing. So here we go....
Things have been going so well. Its like I've been on a happy high since my surgery, going to the drags, and my birthday. But the thoughts of the holidays put me over the edge yesterday. I'm sad to admit that I hate the holidays. I feel inadequate and worried that the children won't be satisfied Christmas morning. My husband and I are still working on our own groove with our holiday traditions and how much to spend. We don't have the kinks out yet. That causes me a lot of stress. The thoughts of figuring stuff out with the extended family also throws me over the edge! I also feel myself slowly getting sick.
So yesterday just plain stunk. I sent the kids off to school and then cried and cried. I was supposed to help out at the school but canceled it so I could stay home with my baby girl and have a good cry. I know I have issues! This life is not easy.
There are times when I just feel the frustrations of living in this telestial world and it hits me hard. At the same time I know that after I cry it out--think of the good things, pray for help, it passes and I feel better. So after I cried. I tried to be normal and do my normal things and smile at Bella. It was nice just the two of us. My mom stopped by to get something. I smiled and acted normal. She helped me fold clothes for a minute. I couldn't help it and started talking about how I didn't like Christmas and started crying again. So Lame! She lamely tried to comfort me and I just wanted to be alone again. After she left I decided to try harder and got my kids journals out. It took me awhile to write in all of them. Lydia and Damon came home and we had lunch. I laid down but after a half an hour I woke up and felt anxious to get something done again.....
Today I'm finally recovering from my bad day yesterday. I'm wanting to get started on the Christmas decorations so I can be done with it. My first baby is getting baptised in a few weeks. That is adding to my stress levels too. I have two birthdays, Thanksgiving, Black Friday, and a baptism all within two weeks. It would be nice if I could go a year without complaining about November. But now there is a baptism to plan and that means people to feed. I'm super excited for her choice to be baptised but then I think about all the things to do......
So I want to get the decorations out now so that its not on my to do list anymore. I've been doing a lot of business stuff lately. This morning I went out and cleaned up the property, shoveling dirt and weeds that have blown in. I put a movie on in the car for my babies and got a good solid hour in. I came home and dried off the car from going through the car wash. I couldn't stand a filthy car anymore. Its a beautiful day. Its a little cool but sunny and still. The kids are playing nicely and the babies are sleeping. We are working a lot in this house to be nice to each other. Andrea started crying the other day because she thought Santa wouldn't come because she has been fighting with Lydia. I hope to raise these kids to be kind! I can't believe how hard it is!
Love & Light~
Things have been going so well. Its like I've been on a happy high since my surgery, going to the drags, and my birthday. But the thoughts of the holidays put me over the edge yesterday. I'm sad to admit that I hate the holidays. I feel inadequate and worried that the children won't be satisfied Christmas morning. My husband and I are still working on our own groove with our holiday traditions and how much to spend. We don't have the kinks out yet. That causes me a lot of stress. The thoughts of figuring stuff out with the extended family also throws me over the edge! I also feel myself slowly getting sick.
So yesterday just plain stunk. I sent the kids off to school and then cried and cried. I was supposed to help out at the school but canceled it so I could stay home with my baby girl and have a good cry. I know I have issues! This life is not easy.
There are times when I just feel the frustrations of living in this telestial world and it hits me hard. At the same time I know that after I cry it out--think of the good things, pray for help, it passes and I feel better. So after I cried. I tried to be normal and do my normal things and smile at Bella. It was nice just the two of us. My mom stopped by to get something. I smiled and acted normal. She helped me fold clothes for a minute. I couldn't help it and started talking about how I didn't like Christmas and started crying again. So Lame! She lamely tried to comfort me and I just wanted to be alone again. After she left I decided to try harder and got my kids journals out. It took me awhile to write in all of them. Lydia and Damon came home and we had lunch. I laid down but after a half an hour I woke up and felt anxious to get something done again.....
Today I'm finally recovering from my bad day yesterday. I'm wanting to get started on the Christmas decorations so I can be done with it. My first baby is getting baptised in a few weeks. That is adding to my stress levels too. I have two birthdays, Thanksgiving, Black Friday, and a baptism all within two weeks. It would be nice if I could go a year without complaining about November. But now there is a baptism to plan and that means people to feed. I'm super excited for her choice to be baptised but then I think about all the things to do......
So I want to get the decorations out now so that its not on my to do list anymore. I've been doing a lot of business stuff lately. This morning I went out and cleaned up the property, shoveling dirt and weeds that have blown in. I put a movie on in the car for my babies and got a good solid hour in. I came home and dried off the car from going through the car wash. I couldn't stand a filthy car anymore. Its a beautiful day. Its a little cool but sunny and still. The kids are playing nicely and the babies are sleeping. We are working a lot in this house to be nice to each other. Andrea started crying the other day because she thought Santa wouldn't come because she has been fighting with Lydia. I hope to raise these kids to be kind! I can't believe how hard it is!
Love & Light~
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Reflections
My girls entered the reflections contest. They both drew beautiful pictures. But Lydia is going on to compete at district! Very fun!
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Improvement
I'm going to post from my phone now! This means more posts and more pics! Yay! These are a few pics from my birthday~
Love & Light
Love & Light
Hello Again
That reminds me. I used to write Hello like this, Hellow. My good friend Carolyn always laughed and corrected me about it.
Finally I am in the second week post surgery. Its been a slow recovery and I'm finally feeling more myself. My day goes better when I take Ibuprofen. The pain went from a lot of pressure like I can't breathe to soreness around the incision. I'm trying to be good and not over do it. If I stretch my arms to reach for things or stretch backwards it hurts. I try not to do that. They sit really high. I guess it will take months until they are positioned in their normal place. I have to wear this sports bra thing that bugs me. It clips in the front and I usually have some of them undone because its too tight around the bottom where my incision is. So If I go without it in the night I wake up feeling like I need to put it back on. When I wear it all day I can't wait to take it off. I never needed much support before. So this must be a normal thing. You like to take the bra off because its more comfortable but then you need to put it back on after awhile for the extra support.
I'm very happy about having breasts again. Its very well worth it. I'm feeling like I look more proportioned. We'll see how the rest of recovery goes.
November 8th.
I had my two week post surgery check up yesterday. It went really well. Everything is going perfectly. The strange thing is that it is extremely hard to shave my arm pits now. The muscle in the inside of the arm pit is now stretched tighter causing a big pit in the arm pit. I didn't mention it at my apt. but the at the end the doctor pulled a card out of his pocket giving me a free complimentary axillary hair removal session. WooHoo!! I go back in four weeks for another check up. It was a snowy day yesterday but still managed to make it to the apt. I had a nice friend come with me. We had lunch and ran a few errands. One of them was to Dillard's to get fitted for a real bra. I haven't had any idea what cup size I am. It was a great experience and everyone should do it. Apparently everyone wears one to two cup sizes too small....
I am feeling so happy about my surgery. I will be even happier when I'm not sore anymore.
Enough of all that....
I had a birthday. I'm so bad lately at being consistent with this blog. There are so many things to talk about lately. It was a great day! I have turned 29. I feel completely content at 29. I don't feel like I should be older or younger. I am happy to be nearing 30 and feel like I have more confidence in my adult life now that a decade has past since high school. Got a little experience behind me. yay!
Its a very happy time!
My sister came down for the weekend for my birthday. It was great to have her stay with us. We mostly just hung out and let the kids play. We went out to eat a couple times and ventured to the store....by ourselves!
It was a nice birthday with lots of friends and family wishing me a happy birthday. My Aunt Kathy Step Mom painted me a picture:
Finally I am in the second week post surgery. Its been a slow recovery and I'm finally feeling more myself. My day goes better when I take Ibuprofen. The pain went from a lot of pressure like I can't breathe to soreness around the incision. I'm trying to be good and not over do it. If I stretch my arms to reach for things or stretch backwards it hurts. I try not to do that. They sit really high. I guess it will take months until they are positioned in their normal place. I have to wear this sports bra thing that bugs me. It clips in the front and I usually have some of them undone because its too tight around the bottom where my incision is. So If I go without it in the night I wake up feeling like I need to put it back on. When I wear it all day I can't wait to take it off. I never needed much support before. So this must be a normal thing. You like to take the bra off because its more comfortable but then you need to put it back on after awhile for the extra support.
I'm very happy about having breasts again. Its very well worth it. I'm feeling like I look more proportioned. We'll see how the rest of recovery goes.
November 8th.
I had my two week post surgery check up yesterday. It went really well. Everything is going perfectly. The strange thing is that it is extremely hard to shave my arm pits now. The muscle in the inside of the arm pit is now stretched tighter causing a big pit in the arm pit. I didn't mention it at my apt. but the at the end the doctor pulled a card out of his pocket giving me a free complimentary axillary hair removal session. WooHoo!! I go back in four weeks for another check up. It was a snowy day yesterday but still managed to make it to the apt. I had a nice friend come with me. We had lunch and ran a few errands. One of them was to Dillard's to get fitted for a real bra. I haven't had any idea what cup size I am. It was a great experience and everyone should do it. Apparently everyone wears one to two cup sizes too small....
I am feeling so happy about my surgery. I will be even happier when I'm not sore anymore.
Enough of all that....
I had a birthday. I'm so bad lately at being consistent with this blog. There are so many things to talk about lately. It was a great day! I have turned 29. I feel completely content at 29. I don't feel like I should be older or younger. I am happy to be nearing 30 and feel like I have more confidence in my adult life now that a decade has past since high school. Got a little experience behind me. yay!
Its a very happy time!
My sister came down for the weekend for my birthday. It was great to have her stay with us. We mostly just hung out and let the kids play. We went out to eat a couple times and ventured to the store....by ourselves!
It was a nice birthday with lots of friends and family wishing me a happy birthday. My Aunt Kathy Step Mom painted me a picture:
Last year I asked her to paint me a picture representing my motherhood. I felt really unworthy to ask for a painting. "Who am I to ask for a painting?" But I thought why not ask anyways. I'm so grateful that she did! I can't wait to see it in person. This is such a sacred time in my life with my little ones. I never want to forget it and capture the feelings of this special time. I think the painting is a great likeness of me! I am thrilled!
Love and Light~
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