Bed Rest Part 2

A million things can go wrong during a pregnancy. Just getting pregnant at all is a miracle. I think about how amazing it is to have the gift to create life. What a gift!!
How blessed I am to be able to carry my babies this long.
I've made it to 32 weeks and I have four weeks left....that is my goal, 36 weeks. I hope that I can do it. On Tuesday I was disappointed with the news that my cervix is thinning more then last week and the baby is further down. "I'm afraid that I'm going to have to put you on full bed rest," said my CNM.
I shook my head determined that I can do this. Just 4 weeks on bed rest. She seemed happy at my reaction and said that she never knows how a person will react to being told to be on bed rest. But the scare I had with Damon coming at 34 weeks and in the hospital for 10 days gave me a taste for how terrible it is to have a sick baby. I remember being in the nursery with my baby all those days and seeing what seemed to me to be countless babies coming into that nursery and leaving home the next day. And there my baby and I were day after day. I know someone always has it worse then you but I don't take my experiences for granted. It gave me more compassion and experience. Now here I am learning more compassion in another way by experiencing bed rest.
Last week I was on Partial Bed Rest. That was blissful compared to this. I was to lay down an hour in the morning, 2 hours after lunch, and an hour after dinner. In between those times I could tend to my children and prepare meals, and take it easy with no heavy cleaning and not much physical activity.
Full Bed Rest.
What does that mean?
Well, when I came home I made a spot for myself on the couch and settled in. The tears settled in as well. I cried and cried. Damon crawled up on my lap and watched me cry and Lydia ran to get me some tissue. My mom was there watching the kids while I was at my appointment. She looked at me with pity.
What a rough day I had. I realized that I wasn't supposed to get up to do anything but go to the bathroom and if I had to, make a sandwich for myself. That means no tending to the children's needs at all.....that is very hard for me. My CNM doesn't want me to sit up because she doesn't want any pressure on my cervix. Well, eating laying down is ridiculous. So I do sit up to eat. Wade came home and teased me. "You naughty naughty mommy." I noticed that he seemed very overwhelmed and a little distant all day. At one point he said, "If your supposed to be on bed rest then your going to BE on bed rest. This is bad enough, do you realize how terrible it would be if you were shipped to St. George for two months? We have to keep that baby in and you better do your best to lay down."
Ay Ay Captain!
At the end of the day I felt so out of control. During the day my Damon would cry and reach for me wanting me to come get him and pick him up. It broke my heart. I want to put him down for his naps and rock him for a minute! What I don't want is for my children to be taken away all day every day. That thought alone made my eyes water.
After we put the kids to bed I cried and cried. This is going to be terrible. I can't do anything!!

The next day I felt better about the situation. My emotions were still on the edge, but I felt more okay about it. I wondered if it was because of the prayers of others helping me. I kept thinking to myself, "I can do this. I can do this. Only four weeks. Four more weeks and I have my beautiful baby and then I can wear myself out all I want." I still felt so overwhelmed thinking about how I need to ask for help and what I was going to do when Wade started his new job on Monday. (Yes, we are so relieved that he finally got a job!!) It will be four, ten hour days.

Today I feel much less emotional and started making a schedule of when I need help next week. I just have to chip away at this one day at a time. Each day brings me closer to those weekly mile marks in the baby's development.

I'm having a hard time getting on the computer because I'm not supposed to sit up. However I wanted to write so bad that I am quite uncomfortable at this very moment. My neck is kinked as I am doing my best to be in a laying position writing this with my key board on my lap. I need a lap top!! So I must quite for now! Nigh night!

Sleepless

I don't know how long I've been awake. Since at least 2 something. Hear it is 4:38 and sleep will not come. I see the lightning flashing through the window and hear the grumbling thunder. The rain keeps coming down in torrents, crashing on the window. The freeway is noisier as the cars and trucks plow through what must be by now a heavy amount of water gathering on the roads. I feel very tired and nervous. My mind wont let me sleep and I find myself saying little prayers again. I keep getting scared and worried, that's when the praying starts. I wonder if this sleepless night is stemming from the steroid shot they gave me in the hospital yesterday. Its probably a toss up.

I realize that I am 31 weeks pregnant. I realize that I am 3 cm dilated. I realize that I have 3 beautiful babies sleeping quietly right now. They need my physical touch, my calming words, they need interaction with me one on one. They need to be fed good meals and their hair done pretty, clean clothes to wear and they need to see mommy smiling and teaching them all the good things about life and the hope we have in Jesus Christ, that Heavenly Father hears our prayers and loves us.

Please let me keep this baby in full term. Please let me be hear in my home with my family, even if I have to lay on the couch all day every day. Please help me get the rest I need, and that sleep will come.

This is what my family looked like at 7:30 this morning. Except for me. I was still in my p.j's.

Wade said the family prayer this morning. "Bless me and the kids that we can travel in safety and that we can have a good time and see grandma. Bless us to come home in safety today. Bless mommy that she can give a good lesson and have Thy spirit with her and that some of the women can gain something from the lesson that will bless their lives. Bless mommy that she wont be sad today while we are gone............"

"Goodbye, love you. Tell Grandma hi for me."

"Okay mommy goodbye love you."



I'm with them all the time. What is my problem?

(Last night)

"Can you at least leave Damon?"

"I don't really want to take them all by myself, but I don't know when we will see Grandma again."

"We could go Monday, Tuesday, any day."

"If she dies soon I don't want to regret going out there without all the kids."

"Make sure you don't travel in the dark. Leave in good time on the way home because of those antelope. Are you sure that the car will be okay, I know it's having problems..........."



I shut the door and let the waves spill out. Just a little cry and then I'll be fine for the day, I tell myself. So the kids will be home tonight and I get a day to myself. I'll go to church, teach my lesson, come home, eat something, take a nap, and maybe go out and see my mom. Well that sounds alright. I can handle one day, right? Silly really I know, but I will miss them..,,and I'm glad I will miss them. My husband is voluntarily taking his three young children by himself to travel two hours one way to go to church with his grandma and spend the day with her for her birthday. That is impressive. I love him.



My son Damon had a hard night. They went to bed late because of a reception we went to and Damon was having a hard time sleeping. I decide to just take him to bed with me. I lay down and his arms are tight around my neck. I leave his arms be and hug him and rub his back. I lay there uncomfortable especially with this belly of mine, because I want to hold him close for awhile. He eventually starts breathing heavier and I enjoy the sound. I love him so much. What a sweet innocent child. I can't even think about sleep and find myself saying a silent prayer. I finally change our positions because it is unbearably uncomfortable now. I lay there and think about my lesson. Do these women know their value in the gospel? Do they know how important the work of a woman is?