Tuesday

A week ago today my step mother died.

It has been a horrible ordeal.

But I have learned a lot about love and family.

I've been thrown for a loop. My dad has had such a terrible time with it.

We had a bitter sweet weekend with the funeral and being with family.

Seeing my dad grieve for his wife terrifies me. I pray that I don't experience that.

It's nice during times like this to have my little baby with me.

She feels like an angel from heaven as my companion.

There is something about new life that brings so much hope.

Therapy

Last years garden
It was a long exhausting day taking care of my 4 children and trying to keep up on the housework. Wade came home from work and was tinkering in the garage and front yard with the kids. It was a beautiful summer evening.

I started to dose off while nursing my baby. She was being a little fussy the last couple of hours and I needed a break. I lay her down to sleep, and as exhausted as I felt from the long day and the baby still getting up every two hours in the night, I felt the need to relieve some stress. I found some old pants with a hole in the knee and put them on. As well as socks and shoes--I hate spiders and I know my garden is full of them.

In the garage I grab the hoe and quickly go to the backyard before anyone sees me. I need some alone time. The weeds were getting big and the roots on some of them are deep. I swing that hoe as hard as I can over and over. My heart rate goes up and I stop now and then to stretch my back. It is hard work but it feels so good. All the sudden I feel pain in my hand. I look down at it and couldn't believe I had a blister that fast and it tore open. Ouch!!! As the air hits it, it stings. What am I doing without my gloves on?? I quickly go back to the garage and get my gloves. Andrea follows me and watches me rake and how the weeds. We talk. Wade and the other kids eventually come out and I feel so proud of what I've accomplished. The wheel barrow is completely full of weeds and the garden looks great. That's what I call good therapy!

Capital Reef

These are all the pictures we took of our visit to Capital Reef. The amazing thing is that it is located at Fruita Historic District. They have agreed to preserve the history of the Mormon settlers when they made it a National Park. So when you go you get a great history lesson of the Mormon settlers. They have restored the school house and they have a lot of pioneer artifacts. They have over 800 trees in the orchards that you can pick fruit for free and keep. Unfortunately it wasn't the season to pick but next time we plan on going in August or September! Plus this park is free! No entrance fees! The girls accomplished the junior ranger program. We had a great time hiking to an arch and enjoying everything about the area!

This was Bella's first trip and she did so great.

Chimney rock Capital Reef!!!

Wade and I have talked for a few years about how we wanted to go to Capital Reef, Fruita. I had memories of Fruita when I was 14 searching for my cousin Trevor. We felt so happy to finally make it there.

If you continue on the highway you pass through the Boulder mountains on the way to Capital Reef National park. I know this is what my Dad was thinking of when he joined us. It was beautiful. My thoughts of Trevor never stopped. The whole scene played through my mind. The searching, searching, prayers and the tragic ending. May we never forget our cousin, brother, and son!

When we got to Calf Creek (my favorite place to camp) Wade saw smoke coming out of the hood. He opened the hood to see a full blown fire! Luckily the night before he made sure he knew where the fire extinguisher was and that it was working. He ripped it right out of its bracket on the wall and put out the fire. We are blessed that the whole thing didn't burn to the ground. So now we are stranded at the camp site with fire damage. My husband is the most talented mechanic I know and was able to diagnose the problem. My father was planning on meeting up with us that day and we were able to get a hold of him to have him bring us the new parts we needed and the tools. My husband had it fixed within a few hours. Amazing!!

It was so nice to see my father and his wife join us. He didn't expect to meet up with us in the desert. He imagined the mountains. My poor step mother is so very very sick. It breaks my heart into a thousand pieces. She can't talk, doesn't know who she is, who we are, where she is, what her husbands name is and will barely eat or drink anything. She runs into things and looks lost and scared. It is the worst thing I have ever seen a person go through. Her person is gone and only her body remains with a shell of who she used to be. My father is taking such good care of her and refuses to put her into an Alzheimer's unit. She is only 59 and has been suffering, slowly declining for 10 years. It was so nice that my dad made such a desperate effort to try to go and do something with us. I have such fond memories of camping on the fourth of July with my father on our horse pack trips. We would paint the horses red white and blue and ride the trails with our United States Flag waving behind us. We would sit in a meadow and sing songs together. But since my step mother has gotten sick we haven't been able to do any of that for about 9 years.




This is the hike at Calf Creek that leads to this amazing water fall and refreshing pool of water. It is a six mile hike round trip and everyone did so great! My four year old Lydia had a hard time walking back and cried a lot but she really pulled it together to make it back. I think it teaches them so much to try to do hard things and to not give up.

On the way home we had another unfortunate event. A flat tire! We felt so blessed that it didn't blow and it was only the tread coming off. Because when the front tire blows your steering goes with it and the chances of a roll over are very high. We had a fun time taking my in-laws motor home this time instead of the tent trailer. It was a lot less work setting up and we had a bathroom with us all the time. It made camping much more comfortable but---we did have a lot of break downs!!!

When we go to national parks we seem to be looked at like an endangered species. The people look at us with their mouths dropped open. They speak in their foreign language as soon as they see us. I can imagine what they say: "one, two, three, and oh my she has a brand new one strapped to her! Four kids and this couple looks soo young!"

We actually did hear a man from France counting as we walked by.

It is annoying. Your the weirdos in our country. This is our back yard!! Don't you know life is about family?

You should see some of the hikers. It is funny. Some hikers obviously American are a little weird too. They are stomping down the trail with large hiking boots with socks sticking way up their leg. They have all the tan, green colored clothing: long below the knee shorts, a long sleeved shirt, a large hat to shade the face, sunglasses, a camel back water carrier, a large walking stick, and odds and ends bouncing around the waist connected to the belt. Such as sun block, camera, and a snack. And the odd thing is, just after them will be a group walking obviously from Europe who have clothing on that to me looks like they are ready to step onto a cruise ship. They have fashionable sandals not fit for hiking, loose fitting white pants that go mid-calf, and a loose fitting fashionable shirt that breathes well. They have on sunglasses and are carrying at most a camera and nothing else, not even water in the hot sun. Of course this was just a two mile hike to an arch. The six mile hike we went on we don't see the ones about to step onto a cruise ship.

I really should have taken pictures of all these people. It is so odd the extremes.

I really don't have any time to blog.

I have so much to do.

Including getting ready for our adventure this weekend camping in Eastern Utah.

And its the end of the month.

My son is eating loads of famous Dave's spicy pickles right now. I've refilled his cup three times!

We went to a ward potluck last night.

I spent a big part of the day making these two huge casseroles. One to take to the potluck and one to give to a woman who had a baby. I really feel like I need to give back for all the service we received while I was on bed rest. I felt good making it but, wow! It wiped me out and took up most of my day. The bad part was, when we got home my hubby was HUNGRY! After making all that food, he was hungry! Lets just say he doesn't want to go to that again.

My son is getting this sticky pickle stuff all over me.

I went grocery shopping last night at 10pm. That is really late for me. But that sounded better than doing it today with four kids. I need a nap so bad.

No cooking today. But actually I do want to make salsa, and a pasta salad---maybe tomorrow!

Baby Bella

Bella Marie

3 days old

Let me tell you about my sweet Bella.

She is my best natured baby yet.

She has a very peaceful spirit about her.

She is a great nurser and never gets a tummy ache.

We think she will have blue eyes.

She has this amazing hair that none of my other babies had.

She is adorable!

Something I've learned about raising babies.

No two babies are the same.

Some babies sleep better than others.

Some babies eat better than others.

Some babies need to cry things out, some babies don't.

Every baby has their own personality.

It doesn't matter when they crawl, as long as they do eventually.

Same with walking.

It doesn't matter if they talk soon, as long as you know that they can hear, understand, and communicate. They talk when they want to, crawl when they want to, and walk when they want to.

They grow super fast.

My first baby I wanted to do things by the letter of the law.

I wanted to make sure she could fall asleep on her own.

I let her cry things out more.

I had her eating on a stricter schedule.

I bathed her more.

I made sure she could take a bottle right away.

Now I know this is such a fleeting time, I don't care about doing everything "right."

I don't want Bella to cry much.

I want to hold her more while she sleeps.

I want to just sit with her or lay by her and watch her more.

I have no desire to leave her with anyone.

I don't care if she can take a bottle or not.

It only last one year.

So I'm going to enjoy every moment.

Homecoming

The day I came home ended up being a difficult one.

I am sore, and exhausted. I move slow and rest lots.

That did not sit well with Andrea my 6 year old.

"I thought you weren't supposed to be on bed rest anymore!"

"Andrea, I just had a baby and I have to rest to recover. The baby is up a lot in the night."

"I'm hungry!"

"How about a yogurt with granola?"

"NO!"

"How about a piece of cheese?"

"How about a sandwich?"

"No No"

"How about an apple? An orange?"

"I hate all of that!"

"I can't help you then." She slams the door to her room and I hear her crying.

She comes out a few minutes later.

"I am bored. I have nothing to do!!....and I'm hungry!!"

I can't seem to please this child. I go into their bedroom and something I see triggers something that upset me at the hospital. I start crying.

I kept crying and couldn't stop.

These thoughts came. I have no more strength. I tried so hard to keep it together week after week on bed rest. I mustered up all the energy I had to make it through my natural delivery. I have nothing left. I'm done.

"Don't tell me you hate all the food I offer you. Don't tell me you are bored when we have a Wii, trampoline, lots of toys, and siblings to play with. Now everyone clean up this house and from now on pick up after yourselves. At least I'm home, even if I can't be your playmate."

But that is as bad as it got.

It has been all up hill from there. Every day I feel better, and get closer to normalise. These are the realities of life. The realities of raising children. I'm certainly not perfect.

In a family, during difficult times or during times of change it effects everyone. But there is a time and place to share feelings. I think that children need to learn a little restraint as far as letting everyone know just how they are feeling during a certain moment. Sometimes it is inappropriate. Sharing feelings is super important in a family. But not in a moment when within an hour of someone just coming home from the hospital you decide to slam doors and throw fits.

Its a lot different bringing your baby home from the hospital when you have three children at home to greet you, verses when you have one other at home. All three are excited to see you, see the baby and all need some one on one attention. It is good. Just complicated. Each age is so neat to watch as they interact with the new baby.

Andrea-6: "Mom you should feed the baby right now."

Lydia-4: "Look at her she is so cute! I want to keep her."

Damon-22/mo: Smiles, points, and pets her face.

I've been calling Damon the closet talker lately. He will not talk when we are around. But everyonce in a while I hear him in another room byhimself...."baby"...."bike".....

And for me, I can't get enough of my brand new precious baby. I know more now then I ever have how fast children grow. How precious this time is. The newborn stage goes by in a blink of an eye.

Stool

There is nothing more terrifying after you come home from giving birth then the thoughts of pushing the poop out.


After going through what I did naturally--I want to be done with any forms of pushing in that area of the body.


But Wade is so good to talk me through hard times.


"I'm scared."


"It's okay I know you can do it."


"What if,..its not......soft enough?"


"Just go slow."


"AAAHHHH! I can't do it!"


"Yes you can, you have to!"

just kidding folks!!


First of all why does it take days to even feel the urge? Why do the bowels immediately get backed up. So when the urge does come, the thought arises, "will it be soft enough????"


Stool Softener is one of the greatest inventions known to woman. What would the post-partum mother do without it?