So yes Ladies, it is true. Totally prego.

I think I'm due end of June. Haven't been to the doc yet to know for sure. How am I feeling? I was in shock at first. Not as much as Wade, poor guy. We weren't planning on having our next one so soon but when it comes down to it they will be almost 2 years a part and it should be good. Wade says he is excited. I am happy about it and thinking how to squeeze another child in this house but then I think, Who cares. We will make it work.

All of this happening just adds to my thoughts lately that I am not in control at all of my life. The Lord knows what is best. I don't think I can go wrong having Him as my guide. Gladly take over sir~

Already I feel that I cannot keep up on the house. I felt like I was getting a handle on things. Now I simply feel lousy a lot. Just tired and my stomach doesn't feel good. But thank heavens that is the worst of it. My poor floor! I have to get to that this week. I mine as well serve Damon his food right on the floor. He throws it all there anyways and eats it when I don't get it cleaned up right away.

At fifteen months my son started walking! It feels like a miracle. Watching him walk around is so fun. I can see that he is happier. Now he wanders around from room to room making circles. He picks things up, walks around, throws things, walks around. So fun!

But this week I have two birthdays. One of them is on Thanksgiving day! AAAAHHHH

I'm going to try just going with the flow and be easy going. I'm pretty good at that lately.

Sunday Nov. 29, 2009

Had a pretty good week. When was it? Tuesday? A friend of mine, knowing I had a lot going on this week came over unannounced and said, "Here I am for two hours to help."

It was like a breath of fresh air! Yay a helper!! And a big helper! I was so happy. She must have folded 4 batches of laundry. It was so great. We got a lot done and good conversation too.

Birthdays went well, Thanksgiving dinner went well. It all went well. I felt a lot of gratitude for my blessings. These were at the top of the list:

My best friend, partner and love of my life.

My beautiful, unique, special children who bring me so much joy.

The family I grew up with, their love and support.

Sisters are uniquely special. Cheryl called me last Monday just when I started crying. It was so weird because I took a break from stressful things I was trying to work out and sat down to have a good cry when soon after the phone rang. I saw her name and decided to answer it.

Two good parents who call at the right time when I need encouragement. Or leave me good messages. They don't criticise or judge. I'm grateful that my Mom and I are getting along better then we ever have as adults. My Dad is a steady rock.

I am most grateful for people. Relationships should be cherished. It is something that we can take with us when we die.

The Period

I was waiting for you. Day after day. Hoping, expecting you to come. I got nervous you wouldn't show up. And to my surprise, yes to my total surprise, you never did.

new post

I've made a new post recently but realized that it comes up after my older one because I had started it and posted it after. So if you want to read it it is under post Love to You from Me.

Love to You, From Me

Thank you ladies so much for your love and support! If simply sharing my feelings helps you in any way....that makes me happy. And your comments give me strength! We really are in the trenches. We have to help each other. Yes sir it is good, very good. I've got some things I've been thinking about sharing that I'll be posting soon. These painful moments only lead to the joyful moments. And the compassion we learn! Feeling better lately. More myself, stronger self, better self. I can see how important our challenges are. How much we need them to learn and grow. Thanks again. Stay tuned, I need you wonderful sisters! Love Love Love

This picture doesn't have anything to do with my post. I just loved Damon in his skunk costume this year. The hat was cute too but not in the photo.

Also I wrote this a couple of weeks ago.


It is easy to get my focus blurry. Outside influences can be very influential. But they don't know me and my life like I do. I'm trying not to be influenced by anything negative. When my focus is sharp I feel peace and love.


One day last week I felt angry-and wanted to fight. I rarely almost never feel like that. As I felt that anger I remembered what my husband taught me when we were first married. That most of the time getting mad doesn't help anything. Deep down I knew that fighting would not help anything and only make it worse. I let it go go go. Fade away. And I was left with compassion and the feeling that, it is what it is. I felt success for not giving into a negative emotional impulse. I am feeling stronger.



I read in the Book of Mormon yesterday. I went to the end of the book in Moroni.


"Whatsoever thing ye shall ask the Father in my name, which is good, in faith believing that ye shall receive, behold, it shall be done unto you."


I have read that a lot in the past couple of years. And most of the time I am beating myself up that I must not have enough faith, or must not believing enough. But this time after reading it I felt differently about it. I felt that I do believe and have faith that the Lord can create miracles in our lives and that He does. That He does hear our prayers. That he keeps his promises. Whats the problem then? Time. The Lord has His own timing. I have to take away any time frames in my mind and be patient. And I do notice the tender mercies. Those are always there.


Another thought. What I truly want, is to be more like my Savior. And to always do His will. Well I can't be like Him if I never go through trials and challenges. I have to be tested and tried. And I think it is working. I feel myself changing slowly inside.



I had a tender moment with Wade last night after the kids went to bed. We had a great conversation about our life. It was really great to hear his feelings. It really is amazing what is happening. We are having to completely rely on the Lord.


We are having amazing family time.

We dance with each other.

We laugh with each other.

We eat together.

We talk together.

We read scriptures together.

We pray together.

We work together.

We play together.

Lots of togetherness happening. It is a great family life.

Today I felt this overwhelming sadness. Completely Sad. It was awful. I had rays of sunshine from my children. Especially my son crawling over and laying his head on me giving me hugs throughout the day.
The sadness overcame me. I got a call from a family member. This person gave me feedback on my blog stating that they weren't the only one to think that my blog made me and or my husband look really bad. After I got off the phone I really thought about it.
But I was already so sad and having a hard time that I felt like isolating myself.
I removed all my posts and had my cursor on the delete profile on my face book account, ready to end all contact from everyone so I could be alone in all my sadness and any critical eyes.
I held off on deleting the profile.
At 4:00 I was crying and thought that I could not go to my Visiting Teaching appointments that started at 5. I almost called my companion to cancel. But I didn't. I just let the emotions come and subside and still went VTing. I'm trying to be obedient here. No matter how I feel. Even though I feel terrible. I don't want anyone else to suffer.

Luckily when I came home I saw my mothers car in the driveway. The only person that might might be able to help me, maybe. Help me in my suffering. Wade went to his scouting. And my mother helped me a lot. She was a little cautious of me. I couldn't hide the pain showing in my face and she could read it. She really had the spirit with her to say the things I needed to hear and listen to the few things I can even say out loud. She helped me get my vision back.
thank you thank you thank you

I thought about the feedback I received on my blog and I feel that it is true. I am speaking the truth about what is going on. Admitting to my weaknesses and that things are hard for me right now. I geuss that may be uncomfortable for someone that I am admiting these things. I don't want to pretend to be perfect and I want to be more down to earth with other women so we can help each other. Isolating myself is not the right thing to do. Deep down I don't want to do that. My hope is that through sharing I might help someone else and be helped myself.

Any thoughts? You can comment anonymously if you want to. Is my blog too personal? I'm not afraid. I am curious as to what, those of you who read this stuff, think.

Bitter Sweet

my Grandpa died last night

it was just a little over a month ago that we went to see him
i feel so much peace about that
he was so happy to see us and we all cried. i thought to myself over and over "we made it, we made it."

Amazingly at 92 years old he could navigate a computer and use the internet. His mind was so sharp. He was such a good man. What a great reunion he is now having. Thank you Grandpa for the great life you lived, for the great example you are, thanks for all the love and the stories you shared.

"You know what Julie?"

"What Grandpa?"

"I love ya.

I think your really special."

"I love you too Grandpa"