Hope

I read an interesting book last night. "There is no Death"
I was intrigued by the description of the spirit world and spirit prison.
After reading it I thought, "Come on, things arent very bad at all-you can do this!"

I often think about the series of books written by Bruce R. McConkie about the Messiah.
I borrowed the first two in the series from my mom. My husband and I started reading it this morning. It was great. I am excited to learn more about my Savior.

I am working on keeping my perspective in check. It is easy to let my emotions get carried away. Of course Satan is working on us every day. That is why I need to be as strict as I can in keeping all the commandments. What hope there is in the Savior. So that is the feeling I have today--HOPE! don't lose it!

my favorite place to camp!

This is the last picture my camera took before it died.

The camping couch

I couldn't get these pictures to go in the order I wanted.

This is at the end of the hike at Calf Creek:

a beautiful water fall and a refreshing cool pool of water.

These are our friends who came camping with us!

Jace and Amy and their two little ones.

(I couldn't get this picture up right!)

The two little ones!

Our girls were great hikers! Andrea hiked 6 miles without complaining!
We've trained her well!!
The trail was hot and sandy.
Lydie did good too! I had to hold her on my back a lot. She is only 3!



D.W. loved playing in the water and the sand!

A better view of the falls.
This is about when Lyddie threw sand onto the camera leading to its demise.

What will I do without you???

Getting ready for the hike


Our faithful back pack
Lydie in the camp ground

Happy family!

The stream had this amazing flat slab of rock at the bottom. Easy to walk on.

Calf Creek:

is the most amazing camp ground I have ever been. I love it! Located between Escalante and Boulder in South Central Utah, it is part of the Grand Staircase Escalante Monument. It is tucked away in the middle of a red rock canyon. An oasis in the middle of a desolate land of amazing rock formations and landscapes. The camp ground has 14 camp sites. It has the calf creek running straight through it and is so fun to play in. At the camp is the trail head to this amazing hike where at the end is the water fall. On the hike you can see an old Indian granery on the wall of the canyon and hyrogliphics. Each site has a lot of privacy. Too bad my camera was ruined because I could have taken more great pics!

I'm feeling much better today. I started the day off good with reading with my hubby and prayer. Listened to good music and had a good time with my children. Yesterday was the day we came home camping and the chaos began. Camping is a lot of work --but well worth it!

my weakest moments

Tonight I thought to myself. I feel like screaming. Than I realized, I had been screaming. My tears well up and I feel terrable. I can't seem to be the perfect mom I wanted to be. My house is too damn small, too much mess..we do have to live around here. I can't keep everything contained. I yelled at my girl for dumping her toys all over her little room. They can't even play around here. I can't buy them the things I wan't. My chest is flatter than ever. I hate them!- or whats left of them. I hate my clothes. I'm scared and afraid. I wan't more kids but some moments I think-how? I'm crazy!
Mommy can you get me some tape? Mommy can you help me find my bear? My tummy hurts. Baby is crawling around wanting my attention. My tummy hurts. Mommy I really need help finding my bear. Meanwhile the financial stress if suffocating me. I'm tired.
How can I fill all their needs and give them each their individual attention?---especially if I keep having more.
I feel like talking to someone, who?
Maybe someone will call me. Nope. We disconnected the phone and haven't told anyone yet.
I don't have a moment to talk anyways!
God, help me. help me. help me. PLEASE! I feel so insignificant.

Worrier Conquers Bike

The battle wound after conquering the bike. Handle bar in the eye. These pictures are a few days after it happened.

When I watched her ride it for the first time by herself...it felt like a miracle. There she goes...finally! My worrier did it!

Last week I decided we are going to conquer this bike thing! So when the daddy came home and the baby was asleep I packed up the girls in the truck and drove to the church parking lot. There were a bunch of kids from our ward there riding their bikes. They became the cheerleaders, coaches and fan members. They were cheering her on and giving us pointers. The oldest kid gave us a great idea. He said that his dad taught them to ride a bike by getting a belt and putting it around the arm pits and holding up the slack in the back as they rode. I whipped off my belt and tried it. It was amazing. Soon after that she was riding all by herself. I was so happy and she loves it.

This is my speedy Lydie Bug.

She had a lot of fun riding around the church, stopping at water puddles for awhile, stepping in the water and back on her big wheel again.

We all went out again so Daddy could see the bike riding action.

Little D.W. had a lot of fun too!

I just feel so proud that she was able to ride her bike on her own. She got hurt a few times but we talked about how those are just battle wounds from having fun. And that, it is cool to have battle wounds because it means you had fun. I want to thank those kids for being there because it helped her a lot to be brave and have confidence.

i cried today for my sister.

we went to lunch and talked about our sisterhood on the rocks. at the end she said, " your still mad." i choked on the lump in my throat, it wouldn't go down, liquid spilled out, "no i'm not, i'm just sad."

"sad that things are different?"

"yes"

sad that we don't believe the same things. sad that we live such different lives that it makes it awkward. its easier to get over it after a cry.

"do you want to meet him?"

"hhmm, i don't know."

"than no for sure if you don't know. all my friends were excited to meet him."

"i'm not like your friends. just ask cheryl. she always got nervous to bring her boyfriends around me because i can't always behave myself. i'm like the protector.

let me get used to the idea and make sure you really like him before i meet him."

"okay. call me before friday. give me a hug, i love you."

"i love you too."

cry, cry, cry

yes, i'm sensitive. may i never lose my sensitivity to the ones i love most. may i always worry about them, think about them.

Hypochondriac

The hypochondriac is worse today.

All day it has been about her tummy ache, eye worries, ear worries. She asks me the same questions over and over. My mom came over today after coming back from a ward preparedness meeting and dove into talking about the pandemic. My mom mentioned something about how the virus travels by droplets and how it can travel through the eyes. Unfortunately my hypochondriacs little ears were listening. She was standing close by me and almost in tears. "What is she saying about the eyes?" she asks trying to hold back the tears.

Earlier that day she was asking me if she could go blind. I asked her, "Who do we know that is blind?" She said no one except Mary on the Little House on the Praire. I told her that Mary went blind after getting the scarlet fever and that we do not get scarlet fever anymore. She says, "So its imposible to go blind now?" And for all intents and purposes I said, yes! She said she was glad not to worry about that anymore.

I stopped our adult conversation of the Pandemic and calmed the situation down. The rest of the day she is talking about when to wash her hands. I told her that only mommy worries about the germs and tells you when to wash your hands. Mostly when we come home from the store and after you go potty. The last thing I need is for her to be washing her hands all day because she is afraid of germs.

The other day she was worried because a cousin of hers coughed on her. Thus the big conversation about Immune Systems! Our bodies know how to fight most of the germs.

We can no longer talk about anything that could worry her little mind. Save it for when the kids are in bed. Evan at bedtime again the questions the worried looks. IT kills me. Why is she so worried? She shouldn't have a care in the world!

7/2/09

Catch up

We wen't to Vegas and had my Dad look in all of the holes in her head and talked to her about how she is healthy and nothing is wrong. It helped a little. It is hard to think now about what has happened since I can hardly get any time on the computer to do updates. She worries about me dying, her dying, the house burning down...

Little Jimmy lost a tooth when we saw him this week in Salt Lake. She asked non stop about when she will lose teeth and is it possible to swallow the tooth. My mother in law came over and said I went blind for about two weeks.....yada yada yada. I looked around..luckily my little ones ears missed that. I had to tell my mother in law all about the trouble we have been having and to watch what she says.

We left the temple this week after a wedding and my mom says in the car as we drive away, "I hope that the bride eats something so she doesn't faint latter on." My little one is on top of that one. "what does faint mean?" "Why do you have to eat food or you could faint?" "Could I faint if I take to long to eat?" I was not happy. Stop the insanity! It takes so much of my energy everyday answering her questions and calming her every hour!

Wind, do you have to blow every day?

Summer, when will I see your shinning face?



My poor sweet 5 year old princess is having a very hard time. It is now a problem that we can't ignore or downplay. I don't know how to explain it. It seems like she is almost a hypocondriac and huge worrier. She is constantly asking me about something on her body. "Will you die if you can't see? I can't hear out of my ear and now I'm worrying about it." We cleaned it out and still..."Can you die if you can't hear?" "It is hard to swallow and I'm worried that I could die from it. What will happen if I can't swallow? Is that owie gone on my back? Will the sugar bugs eat holes in my teeth? I think I should brush them right now because I'm worried about it. What room is Mommy in? Where did mommy go? Where is Lydia? I'm afraid that other baby will hurt Damon. What if I can't find you? What will you be doing when I'm in bed?" We went to the park today and she wouldn't run off and play like her 3 year old sister. She started crying when I insisted that she play. She wen't to a birthday party where they had a whole bunch of blow up bouncing things for kids to play on. She wouldn't play because she was so worried about her sister getting hurt.

It came to me last night that maybe it is all stemming from her favorite show. Little House on the Prairie. A lot of unfortunate things happen to the people on the show. I am a worrier about some things but not anywhere near what she does. I don't worry about getting hurt and I call scrapes and bruises battle wounds from playing...its a good thing because it means we are having fun. It is a daily struggle. I can't wait for soccer and kindergarten to start....i'm sure it will make a difference!



I also have been thinking alot about people. What people say about things, how they judge situations, people, and what their opinions are, and then watch their actions in the future. How people can say something is right or something is wrong. One person may say something is so wrong yet they may do that same thing but change the wording of the situation to convice themselves it is not the same and justify what they do because it benifits them in some way.