Miracles

I had 4 children in roughly a 1,000 sq/ft house for almost 9 years. I don't understand completely why it was so hard on me. We had amazing happy times there. The memories with our children have been priceless. It was a convenient location in town. We tried to sell our little house by the freeway for many months. There wasn't much hope. People didn't like the area. It was tough to try to get the price we needed. At the beginning of the year I gave up. I was determined to be happy. Its not that I was miserable all the time there. Some stages were just harder then others. The hardest being when we had a little baby and all the extra equipment was packed in the house. Like high chairs, bouncers, etc.... Or when we had a big family get together. Wade had been talking about having a fifth baby for a year. I was scared. Another baby in the same house......I didn't know if I could do it. I've had no one in diapers in a year in a half and have been feeling really good. I've had a renewed independence. We easily go here and there. Its been great fresh air. All the running Ive been doing and sometimes with my older girls has added to the sense of refreshment. In January I decided like I said to give up getting out of the house. I prayed seriously about giving up my will and accepting God's will in my life. Its not easy to do. Its so easy to revert back. I often got mad about the American Dream. "Its just pride." I told myself.

We got a dog. As we looked at these cute puppies my husband looked confused at me. "Are you sure you want a dog??? In our little house???" I said, "Our kids are growing up and what difference does it make? Our house is so small I can easily keep on eye on her and train her. I'm not waiting around to live our lives because of a small house." It truly has been a great blessing. I didn't realize how badly my children needed a dog. They had no animal skills at all! We named her Star. My son was scared of her for a long time. Now he plays with the dog the most. The reason I wanted a dog was to have another running partner. It has been a blast running with her this summer. So I was in the mindset that I may not ever leave my house. I told Heavenly Father if you really want me to have another child here....I will. With your help! But in a miraculous change of events in the middle of July we got a cash offer on our house and we moved out one week later signed and deal closed. I then found I was pregnant and soon miscarried. I was shocked for a few weeks. But I thought I told you Lord that I would be happy here? We moved quickly into an even smaller apt with no garage until we could think long enough to figure out where to go next. I couldn't believe my house sold. Heavenly Father sold my house! It sold because He wanted it to.

Wade and I went to the temple and thought about what we should do next. That night we thought about the old church and wondered if it was still for sale. We had looked at it a year ago and it was way over priced. We loved the property. Wade had a friend who grew up there and I had driven passed it a million times because it is next to my dad's horse ranch. I always wanted to go inside it.  At the time we first looked at it it was way over priced and....we were stuck in our little house. But now our situation had changed. So we lay in bed and the thoughts of the old church came back. Is it still for sale? Has it been reduced? We talked again about all the great things about the property and what we could do with it. I told Wade I would call the realtor in the morning to see if it was available. I did so and found out that it was still for sale and just drastically reduced in price a few days prior. We scheduled a showing with our realtor and decided that if we were to make an offer we would need to do it now before it sells. It was a sleepless night. I remember Wade saying to me with his hands clasped together as he paced the kitchen floor, "What do you really think?" I said "When I think about it logically and do a day care out of it to earn extra money for repairs it makes sense because the price is right." I was already used to living in a small space. The church although a lot of square footage only has two toilets and one shower. It has 3 functioning bedrooms right now. Right now I have no master bathroom and we are living with one toilet for 6 people. I felt like I already know that its not a house or money that makes you happy. You can be happy in any situation. I know that we will improve the property over time and that I have already learned a lot of patience. He said, "Lets do it!" We made an offer and after some negotiations we became under contract. It was amazing! It was a very stressful couple of months. We had to line up all the financing, do inspections, etc....
During this time I found out I was pregnant again! After a couple of inspections that we did we found out that most of the roof leaks. There was a lot of water damage in exterior walls and interior walls. That scared me the most. All the water from the roof pours down into the foundation of the building. Wade was not worried at all. He said that he can fix the roof and divert the water away from the building and the walls will dry up. I was scared to death. I said, "well when would be able to fix the roof?" I said that it had to be done before winter. He said that we didn't have time before winter and that whats one more winter when its been like this for years. I started to become more and more afraid and uncomfortable. The heat system is a coal boiler that heats water and the steam goes through pipes in the whole building and heat radiates from radiators connected to these pipes. To Wade this was no problem. He is a professional heating and cooling technician and is very confident in updating this system. But the roof put me over the edge in fear. I at one point told Wade I wasn't ever going back there. He was very upset at me. He thought that this was the best choice out there and that if we were to build a house it would cost way more money and be much smaller. He never wavered in the vision of the property. Nothing scared him about the problems. I thought who is following the Spirit and who is not. Is he blinded by emotion? One of my friends said to me, "Why don't you just trust your husband?" I wondered what had happened to me. For about two weeks I was very much depressed about the whole thing. We went to the temple. We talked in the parking lot for a long time. Wade used his best skills in talking me through all this. It worked. He says, "Do you really think I want to move to a house with NO garage?" Thats true I thought. He is either crazy or following the Spirit. We agreed that in the temple we would try to feel the Spirit as to what we should do. I asked him to please put his emotions aside. I was worried that he was too emotionally involved that he couldn't see the problems.  I cried and cried in the temple. I decided that I couldn't control this situation anymore. I give up...AGAIN! I was trying to control the outcome. I told Heavenly Father that if this wasn't right for us to do to please stop this deal because I can't. And that if it was right that our financing would smoothly move forward. If it be wrong stop this for me. If it be right help me have faith instead of fear. I felt a burden lifted as I put my life again in God's hands. Why do I try to control my life? Its such a trick we deal with on this earth. I have agency to make choices but its Heavenly Father's plan I'm trying to follow. The next day Wade gave me a priesthood blessing that helped me very much. I became more resolute and confident. I replaced fear with faith. If Heavenly Father wants this to happen who am I to stop it. He will provide a way and help us deal with the problems that will come.

We bought an old church, I know its crazy!!! Built in 1912. I plan on making a blog about the restoration.
It was a complete miracle that we were able to get a loan and insurance on this property. We feel that this has been Heavenly Father's plan from the first time we looked at the property over a year ago. We love the history of this building and are so excited to restore it. We know this is a long term project. If you have the right attitude you can do anything. We had a small amount of money to do some repairs before we move in. Mostly electrical, paint and flooring. We have been working on it for a month now. We have to move in ASAP because we can't pay two rents. One of the first days we were tearing out carpet I kept seeing Wade with a distant look on his face. It was hard at first to see all the work that needed to be done and where to get started. He had a look of, "What have we done!" But I felt cheerful starting the work because I had already gone through so much while deciding to buy the place. I know what I'm in for and had the confidence from the confirmation of the Spirit that we are following the right path. I am so grateful that I went through such a hard time in deciding to purchase the property. I know that it will give me strength through the coming years. I know that Heavenly Father hears and answers our prayers. It is frustrating some times because only when we are very still can we hear the promptings. I really wanted a huge vision or revelation during the purchasing time to give me clear answers. I begged and begged for a big revelation. But I didn't get my answer that way. Heavenly Father quietly and gently lead me through small feelings. I was totally in the dark while He lead me along. It is always by hindsight that I get the clear picture. I can clearly see the events and how following the simple small promptings blessed my life. I hope to learn to move forward with more faith instead of doubting and fearing. Heavenly Father knows the timing in delivering us in any trial or problem we face. He lead us through unemployment, living in a very small home for many years, health problems, etc....
Heavenly Father is the living God. He plays an active roll in our lives if we just pay attention and seek Him. Miracles are all around us. We must be patient. This is my hope to all. Money does not bring us happiness. Bigger homes do not bring us happiness. If we submit our will to Heavenly Father's will we can see clearly and have peace and joy in the daily moments.

This Christmas season although we don't have a big tree up and wont until very close to Christmas and a very small budget I am filled with more gratitude than ever. With all the hard work comes less idle time to complain. Whats important is being together as a family. Working together, playing together. My children have been learning how to sweep, vacuum, pull up nails and carry wood. Andrea said to me today as I drove her to school, "Everyone has their Christmas tree up but us. I wish we bought a nice big house up in Fiddlers." I didn't say anything but just know that someday she will understand. Wade says that this will change our families life as we have better opportunities to teach our children to work by being in the country and that they can't see the vision we have of the property and what it will become.

"Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not. Behold the wounds which pierced my side, and also the prints of the nails in my hands and feet; be faithful, keep my commandments, and ye shall inherit the kingdom of heaven."

And lastly we can find Christ in Christmas:
"Draw near unto me and I will draw near unto you; seek me diligently and ye shall find me; ask, and ye shall receive; knock and it shall be opened unto you."

(D&C 88:63, 6:36,37)

Life is so full of ups and downs. Carry on! Be brave! He delivers us! Be patient! Look for the miracles in your life!
Love and Light~

I've stopped running and the writing bug is back.
I'm thinking about daylight savings time. We went to church last Sunday and we were only a minute late but the congregation was singing. I all the sudden panicked at the doorway and pushed Wade back into the foyer and asked, "Is it daylight savings???" He said no because it would be fall back an hour and we would be an hr early. I laughed. We have showed up to church atleast 4 times either early an hr or late an hr. It is so fun to sit down at church with all your kids filing in behind you during a song and realize it was the closing song. I think its because we aren't in the habbit of watching the news Saturday nights. But my phone notified me this year. I won't be missing it this Saturday. I get to sleep in an hr on my birthday!

missed me?

I really don't know why I'm not posting anymore. I don't know what has happened to me but I haven't even seen nienie's baby thats how out of the blogging loop I am! I'm in the moment right now with my kids, I'm crazy to type right now. I've been hand writing things down this summer in a journal. I've lost my purpose of blogging at all. I think part of it was when I started running I didn't have that great need to express myself and get out because I was getting so much fresh air most mornings. I started thinking maybe I shouldn't give my thoughts for everyone to read. There must be a balance somewhere that I can find. I'm struggling knowing which good things to focus on.

The law of sacrifice is like the law of gravity. It is so tangible and real. Most people don't even know they live with this law. There is only so much time in a day. If you do something in any moment, than your not doing something else in that moment. Something else is being sacrificed when you decide to do something in any given moment. So it is with projects, activities, errands, etc.... If you spend half the morning grocery shopping and the afternoon painting something, you can't make bread, soup and laundry, and scrapbook, etc....Sacrifices are being made bad or good.
We all have to make sacrifices to have certain things. What is the most important thing to you? What are you willing to sacrifice to have it? You can't have it all. Its impossible in this life.
I hope to figure it out. Or if I do figure it out I hope to realize it and enjoy it.
One day at a time.

This topic of Sacrifice reminds me of the greatest novel I have ever read. This summer I read Les Miserables. Jean Val Jean sacrificed all he had for others and was completely selfless. The next day after I finished the book I was reading the visiting teaching message for the month and it was about being a disciple of Jesus Christ through sacrifice and service. I felt like Wow I can do so much more!
Jesus Christ gave up everything in this world including his life for me and you. How can I complain or feel sad about my small sacrifices? Perspective is so hard to keep! One day at a time...

Off to make dinner! Love and Light~

doTerra

The Book of Mormon is like water to me. I must have it every day to live. But there are other things besides water that we need to live. Our life is a juggle of the many good things we need and doing it all in moderation and priority. I've been searching for things to help me live a healthy happy life in this crazy world and especially with the spiritual war ragging on. I'm very happy about the new tool I have found thanks to a kind family member. Two months ago I hosted my first doTerra class. doTerra is a Utah company who sells pure essential oils. As I sat in the class and listened to her experience and she taught us what an essential oil is I felt really good inside and felt the truth in what she was saying. I felt this desire to get some oils and experience them for myself.  I invested in a kit and book and my journey started. I began using an oil every day and studying about them. I was also very interested because Frankincense and Myre are some of the essential oils. Pure Frankincense and Myre! I thought about how they were given as gifts to the baby Jesus along with Gold. What is it about these two oils that were given as gifts to the Savior? I have been amazed at what I'm learning. I want this a part of my life! There are amazing physical and emotional benefits to these oils. My children love it when I put oils on them. Especially lavender. I didn't used to particularly like the synthetic perfume of lavender. But the pure lavender oil smells amazing! I've been putting the oil On Guard which is a blend of oils on the bottom of my families feet when I feel a cold coming on. Since Feb. non of us have gotten a bad cold. I don't believe these oils replace modern day medicine but I believe they can help fight disease and especially prevent disease.

One of the neat things about the oils is it promotes a lot of healthy touching as I put oils on my family members. My husband and I started doing this aromaTouch with the oils on each others backs. Its a light back massage with the oils. It smells and feels amazing. I think it really adds to our marriage to connect in that way. I thought wow to live 50 years of marriage doing this aromaTouch on each other will really add a lot to our relationship! AromaTouch adds another dimension to the feelings of love and care. Its hard to explain.

Ive been journaling my experiences as I've been trying out the oils. One in particular is exciting with losing weight. Not that I feel I need to lose weight but I do want to maintain what I have. I work hard at watching what I eat but sometimes its easy to do and sometimes its not. When I start running a lot I find myself hungry all the time. I'm actually working up this huge appetite! You can find that you can actually gain weight when your exercising all the time. And than when your trying to watch what you eat your hungry all the time. Its not fun to feel hungry!
One day a couple of weeks ago I was doing a spiritual fast since I missed fasting on fast Sunday. This was on a Tuesday and I knew it would be difficult to fast without food and water all day doing my normal work. So I decided to fast without food but still drink water. I put a few drops of lemon essential oil into my water. Not only did it taste nice but I noticed that I actually felt a little strength and that it took the edge off my hunger. I felt like it was helping me not feel so hungry!
I've been drinking a glass of water with lemon essential oil most mornings now. Its also very good for your body! I now have been learning about this essential oil blend called Slim and Sassy. Its actually called the metabolic blend. It has grapefruit, lemon, peppermint, ginger and cinnamon in it. These oils are known to increase your metabolism, manage hunger and uplift your mood. You put 8 drops in 16 oz of water. It tastes amazing!
I just thought I would share in case anyone is interested. If you want to learn more let me know and I can teach you!
I also noticed that Damon one day was complaining that his neck hurt. I felt his neck and noticed that his lymph nodes under his ears were very swollen and tender. I texted my dad and he said if there was pain and fever we should start antibiotics. There was no fever yet. I looked up in my book about swollen lymph nodes and it said what oils to use. I didn't have the second oil it mentioned but I had lavender which was the top oil it mentioned. It said to rub the oil on the swollen lymph nodes. I did that that night. Plus it is very calming and helps you sleep! The next day it was still swollen but still no fever. I put it on every night for a few nights. The tenderness went away and the fever never came and the swelling went down. I don't know for certain if the oil was the reason he got better but its a good experience non the less to think about.
My Andrea complains of having a hard time breathing every single night. There happens to be an oil blend called Breathe. It smells a little like menthol but all natural. She wants it on her chest every night! I've borrowed a diffuser that lets you put the oil into the air. There are benefits to the aromas of the oils and some of them kill viruses and bacteria in the air!! wow!
I am experiencing a lot of emotional benefits that I'm not going to go into right now. I am very happy so far with my experiences and I keep thinking about people who could benefit like me! Lastly I want to share my new favorite scripture that has really just verified my feelings of the good in natural plants.
Alma 46:40
And there were some who died with fevers, which at some seasons of the year were very frequent in the land--but not so much so with fevers, because of the excellent qualities of the many plants and roots which God had prepared to remove the cause of diseases, to which men were subject by the nature of the climate--

I feel good having oils on hand to help us all be healthier and prevent diseases when especially these times are so crazy and health care so expensive. (I also have antibiotics in storage! Which I also recommend!!) It feels empowering to be able to have natural things on hand to use and not have to be at the mercy of the health care system for every little ailment and also.....to continue learning!

~Have a happy day with lots of Love, Light, and Learning!

Inside

I'm having a weird day. My eyelid is swollen. It started itching last night. I could see the hive coming on. I took benadryl and went to sleep. I woke up with a very puffy eye but no more itching. It's not going away so I'm staying in doors! I hope it leaves by tomorrow.

Windy Day!

I'm excited today to stay home and do laundry and clean/organize the house. Yesterday I was running errands and the kids around all day.

Bella and I are hanging out together.
I didn't run this morning because I didn't want to go out in the cold wind. Now I'm feeling lazy. Im going to try to do at least a 20 min work out inside to get my heart rate up.

It's going to be a good day.
Love & Light~

Tuesday Journal Thoughts

We moved out family night to Tuesdays. Last night we had dinner of Chicken just cooked on with light olive oil/seasoning salt and lemon pepper, baked potatoe, steamed brocoli, and banana pudding/whip topping/nilla waffers. My husband especially loved it. Some times its the simple meat/potato/vegetable dinners my husband likes the best. I find that cooking that type is tricky because I can't prepare ahead and several things have to be warm and ready at the same time. Tonight I had left overs scheduled. There really isn't much for left overs so I might do breakfast burritos.

After dinner I went ahead and did the dishes while Wade read his lesson. I didn't feel up to policing the kids to help out this time. His lesson was on prayer. He asked if I could play the hymn Sweet Hour of Prayer. It just so happens to be the one hymn I memorized as a child because it has no sharps or flats. I don't have a large hymn book yet and so I pounded it out by memory. The strange thing was I could only play it if I went fast. If I slowed down I forgot what came next. I think its all muscle memory.

We had a lesson on prayer. It was really good. We also watched a movie clip that goes with the Family Home Evening manual. We had a good discussion. Prayer is an interesting thing to get asked about. Wade asked me how some of my prayers have been answered. When I get asked something like that on the spot my mind goes blank. uh uh uh......
But after I think about it for a minute all sorts of great memories and examples come about how prayer has blessed my life. Lately I've been thinking about writing down more of my personal revelation so that I don't forget it. I really enjoy discussing the basic principles of the gospel with my children. As an adult and having countless lessons and study on the basic stuff I can sometimes make the mistake of thinking I know what I need. When I can always learn more. Plus our minds easily forget things!

Wade and I have been reading for what seems to be the longest time in Alma. We are about to finish the book. Captain Moroni was so fearless and convicted to do what is right and speak what is right. We just read his letter to Pahoran the chief judge and how he told him that if he didn't bring reinforcements and food to his armies who were suffering and wounded from protecting them that he would come to Zarahemla and kill him. wow! Little does he know at that time that Pahoran has his own problems being forced out of the city by the king-men. Its a little sad to me that Captain Moroni lived his whole life fighting war after war with face to face combat.--and sometimes I think my trials are tough???   The Book of Mormon is one of the most exciting books I've ever read. It beats any vampire or futuristic society books by far! I'm surprised it hasn't made it on the New York Times Best Seller list!
We are definitely in a different kind of war. But it is still a raging war of right and wrong and immorality. Some people I know are really fighting for their lives.
Besides feeling sorrow for the ones I know who are really struggling I myself feel so much peace in my life. That place deep inside of me feels peace, comfort, and love from my Heavenly Father. Those feelings make every sacrifice I make well worth it. In fact, its worth every thing to me.
Love and Light~

Too quiet

I thought it was strange that it all the sudden was very quiet. I soon found my Bella putting Lydia's lipstick on!

I'm realizing that my baby is not so much a baby anymore! I can't believe how well this princess dress fits her today!!
These are wonderful days!!

Happy Times....

I've had a great Sunday. We had ward conference--which was great! I felt the spirit and felt happy to be there. I love our leaders.
The afternoon went well. I got a little nap, wrote in some journals and spent time with Andrea on her Faith in God booklet.
Lydia had a hard time today. She tried to get Damon and Bella to ride on her back or play and both of them only wanted to play with Andrea. That was not normal and very upsetting to Lydia.
After feeding horses we stopped by Wade's parents house to get all the slides and the projector. His parents came to our house and Wade set it all up to look at slides. It's always fun to see pictures of him as a baby. My favorite word for Wade lately is nostalgic. Wade is staying up late tonight fixing the projector....
Lydia fell asleep on Grandpa's lap. She was done for the day!

Yesterday was fun to get out of the house. I ran a half marathon with my friend April. We split up after the 3rd mile. I wasn't able to keep up the pace. It was a beautiful run. I had fun talking to the other runners and feeling good about life and all the great blessings of living in this great country!
It was a good run with a lot of ups and downs. My legs were pretty tired and cramping up the last few miles.
My family was at the home stretch. The kids ran up to me and I was so happy to see them. But I was still running so the girls each held one of my hands and ran with me through the finish line! It was great and I wish I had a picture of it.
I'm hoping that we run a 5k this summer as a family.
I'm feeling good and I think that this will be a good week. Doing that race helped rejuvenate me....
Tomorrow I'm going to organize some goals and schedule my week with them in it so I can achieve them. Wade emphasized to me again today that he thinks the most important thing for me to spend my time on is keeping the pictures, baby books and videos organized for our family. Nostalgia runs through his veins!

Valentines Day 2012

I had a great time making these Valentines for my loves!
I cooked all day and made a turkey dinner. We got the china out and had lighted candles. We had a nice time together with the kids.
Love & Light~

Life Thoughts~

As I write I can smell Pine Sol. As I mopped I thought of the black Pine Sol commercial lady. She talked with a lisp. I miss seeing her commercials. "Whats in your bathroom and kitchen? A bunch of  dirt, germs and nasty smells."
I am grateful today for the couple of quiet hours I have had this afternoon as my babies are napping. I cleaned my floor and tightened up the kitchen. I cleaned the top of my stove. Every time I clean my stove top I think of my sister Lori when she came for Christmas one year. She cleaned my stove top and asked why it had gotten so dirty. Since then I've tried to clean it more regularly. Sometimes you just don't notice things like that especially when you are using it all the time. "Oh my stove top is filthy. I should clean it." hhmmm...
As I mopped I thought a lot about this life. I finished mopping and decided to kneel by my bed and pray. What a great opportunity to pray since my babies haven't woken yet. I was very excited to use this quiet time. I talked to Him like I would a dear friend about my thoughts.....
I thought a lot about people I know and their struggles. Here we are struggling for our salvation...alone. But we shouldn't be doing it alone. No one is ever alone anyways. But we also have people all around us and yet we are struggling alone. That is very silly. We must share and reach out to each other. Help one another. Lets not be scared. We don't want to be judged and we don't share. Yuck yuck yuck.
When we share it gives other people the permission to share. The thing is we are all the same down deep. I love that I know this.

This life is only a moment in our existence. The real living is in the next life. The scary thing is that what we do in this small amount of time on the earth determines our circumstances in the life to come. But if we put it into perspective its comforting to know that our trials are temporary and for our good so we can grow. Our mistakes are important for our growth. We came here to make mistakes. It was the only way for us to learn. We are hear to learn how to choose good over evil. That's what it means to 'work out our own salvation.' The important thing is to learn from our mistakes, repent from our sins and continue on doing our best in keeping the commandments. Well I've been thinking about how important knowing how short this life is. Sometimes I think of the sacrifices I make being a member of this church and choosing the calling of wife and mother. There really is no sacrifice too great. I am blessed so much for it. I have so much peace and joy with my family. I feel the spirit. To me there isn't much better than that. Jesus Christ gave the greatest sacrifice of all for me. When I think about that, I know I can accomplish what I am asked to do. So once in a while I get tempted and feel sad for a moment that I'm not out traveling the world or something. But then immediately I think another thought that I will be able to do that and so much more. Some of it hopefully in this life but if not, in the life to come. Its awesome knowing that! When we do what is right we are building great eternal rewards!! Yay!!

Tomorrow is love day. I hope to have a smile all day and share unconditional love to all I can.
Love & Light~

My Lydia Doll

As I laid in bed last night the tears rolled down. I was thinking about the afternoon with Lydia cuddling while reading books on my bed. It was quiet while the babes took naps and Andrea at school. It's been so nice having one on one time together. She is such a sweetie with those big brown eyes. She sings and prances around the house. I'm going to miss those afternoons.
Her teacher said that Lydia didn't do well with her dibbles evaluations. It has to do with sounds and speech for reading. Her teacher recommended that Lydia start extended day so that she can be more ready for first grade. I don't want first grade to be harder for her than it will already be. School is a lot different than when I was in kindergarten. They want children to be reading by the end of the year.

She wasn't happy about the idea. But after lots of talks and me pretending to be happy and how great it will be she got a little excited.
Friday morning Wade put on his school shirt and went up to the school. He helped in Lydia's classroom. The teacher had him pull individual kids into her office and work on letter sounds.  Then he went and helped in Andrea's classroom and helped the kids pass off sight words. Andrea has been begging him for awhile to come help at her class. I think it was really good for him. Now he is more tuned in to them and their needs. He went down and picked up Lydia and ate lunch with her and Andrea at school to prepare Lydia for Monday all day kindergarten. They had a great time. He took Lydia down after lunch to her knew extended day class and met the teacher. Then he took her home. Lydia was very excited. I was so happy for my good husband to go to the school and help Lydia prepare for extended day. I love him so much! He has been so objective about the whole thing. "She needs it, she is going." Mommy is the one having the hard time!!
Friday afternoon knowing it was my last afternoon with her before extended day kindergarten started was emotional for me. It felt like tears were in my throat......
I was sad.
Two of her little friends who are twins came by and gave her a little purse her mom made for Lydia and pictures for her in it. They said they were going to miss her while she is at extended day. They play a lot in the afternoons and won't be able to now so easily. Lydia was very happy and said it was her favorite purse! She immediately went to find special things to put inside it.
Sunday even before church Lydia was saying she didn't want to be gone all day. That night I put sponge curlers in her hair--that was the cure. She was extremely happy and excited to go to school with all those curls!

The day went ok. 12:00 came around and I was thinking about her and how she would usually be home at that time and I would have lunch ready for her. She is always happy to see me and give each other a big hug. Not today. I kept myself busy to not think about it.
She came home at 4:00 and was grumpy. I sighed and was afraid it was going to be this way everyday. She didn't want to talk about her day. She rushed off to practice the piano (after her first lesson she has practiced every single day without me asking her!) Meanwhile I talk to Andrea and prepare a snack.......

The next day went about the same. Not so grumpy this time. She told a little bit about the day but not much. She is asking when I'm going to pick her up early. I told her that sometimes I will pick her up and we will skip the afternoon class and go to McDonald's. She is really looking forward to it. Over all she likes her teacher and the kids in her extended day class. I think she is very happy at school and likes it. She comes home very tired.

For me I think being a mom is amazing. The children grow through different stages very fast. Its sad knowing when they grow through a stage its gone forever. But its joyful while they are in each stage and watching them learn knew things. Some stages are more joyful than others. Some stages I'm glad to be over......but there is something about even the hardest stages I enjoy.

I wish I could be the perfect mom. The last few nights I've felt no patience. I heard my daughters fighting in bed and felt like its my fault. It makes me sad especially because that's what I fasted for on Sunday. More patience. Its not a magical thing that just comes. I think I have to work harder to have patience. Not necessarily hard work. But what I mean is pay attention and make having patience more of a priority. Take time to relax, breath, pray, evaluate and ponder on how I'm doing with the day and life stresses. Its so hard to know during the day what are the most important things to spend energy on and what is not important. So at one point around 6:30pm before I felt like I was going to explode, I went in my room and shut the door. I put a couple drops of an essential oil that my cousin gave me on my upper chest and laid on the bed and just took some deep breaths. I tried to relax and calm down and let my frustrations go out of me while I exhaled. I think it helped. I'm going to try it before my girls come home off the bus. That way I'll be calm and ready for them.

This morning my goal is to make my two week meal plan. Take my babes and get the groceries. The hardest part is the planning and shopping....after that the next two weeks will be smooth sailing with stress-free meal preparations!!

Lydia my doll is truly one of my favorite people!! Words can't express my adoration for her!!

Tractor

Saturday we spent a few hours at the ranch with Grandpa. It's so good for kids to be outside and learn how to hang out while the adults are doing projects. Kids need to use their imaginations!
Love and Light!

Snow Day

Its snowing today. I'm very glad. My running partner still wanted to run. I had light snow in my face the whole time. But I'm glad I got out of the house. I'll be staying inside today and making bread.
Love and Light~

Happy Holidays

We had happy holidays. I hope you did too. We celebrated new years with crab legs. It was a great time! We went to bed around 10:30....early morning church the next day.
Today I'm helping out at the school. When I get home my goal is to clean my room! Love and light~

Still Small Voice.....

We went to the temple. It was a busy morning. I woke up at 5 and went running with my friend. I made the 5 miles even though I feel out of shape. She kept asking me if I wanted to turn home shorter but my mind wanted to keep going. The body was slow.  I felt really good afterwards. I got ready for the day very early than usual. I've not been running much at all. The days I do run my mornings are much better. This morning was very special because I was getting ready to go to the temple. Right before we left my phone rang and it was a member of the bishopric asking me to speak in church next week. Funny because Wade and I looked at each other last week in Sacrament meeting and said that it was only a matter of time before we would be asked to speak. This time it is just me. They used to call couples or families to speak together. They don't do that anymore. I'm excited to prepare the talk because I know it will strengthen my testimony even though it is nerve wracking and makes me nervous. We dropped the babes off to my friends at 8:30 and met up with another couple in the ward. I was very excited to go with them. It was their first time going back to the temple since they went their first time. I felt a lot of joy assisting her through. We barely made the session. The patrons kept whispering while we were changing. "Hurry Sisters! Hurry Sisters!" We got out and everyone was up waiting for us. I felt lucky they let us come straggling in. We would have done sealings if we missed the session and that would have been nice. But for some reason we were meant to make the session. We had grabbed some family file names at the entrance. I kept looking at the name of the woman I was officiating for. She was born in the 1700's, from France. Her name is Ann Marie. My name is Julianne Marie. I felt a great connection with her and I felt that she wanted me to do her work. I don't usually feel that. I felt the spirit more this time. It was really a beautiful time. I feel so blessed to have made temple attendance a priority in my life. I'm trying to pay more attention to others around me and take notice to any little thing I can do to help someone else attend the temple. Some people just need someone to go with.....

My brother who is gay called me. We hadn't talked in awhile. For family home evening we read "The Christmas Oranges."  I remembered the Christmas Eve Wade and I spent with my mom and brother and Andrea as a little toddler. Steven had Andrea sitting on his lap eating oranges together while we read that story. It was a good memory. So after I put the kids to bed I called him back. It was nice to hear each others voices. We have a deep connection in some ways although we disagree on many things. We were able to have a great conversation and I felt love and contentment that we connected again. As a people we need to be respectful of our unique journeys....

Today was a busy day trying to go to the store to get milk and then off to the school to volunteer. I had to take Bella with me. It was....tiring.  I helped the little kids with the sight words in Lydia's class. Then in Andrea's I helped with centers making holiday cards for their parents. Bella was getting into things and having a hard time. After an hour of that I felt so worn out! Their is so much work to do all the time. I want to relax more. It is hard for me to feel good relaxing. After feeding the kids lunch I don't want to do anything even though the groceries need put away and laundry folded. I just want to write. My Lydia has a couple of friends over and I forgot about Bella's 18 month appointment this afternoon. Last thing I want to do is go to that apt. I'm counting down the minutes. I'm thinking that I'm not making dinner. hahaha.

I'm trying so hard to be a good mother and wife. I'm trying to surrender my selfish ways and be more one with God's will. It is so hard!

One more thing I want to write. There are times when you wonder about how much the Lord cares about us individually. Does He really know me and care about my daily life?  I had another experience that affirmed that Heavenly Father is involved in every moment of our life. I was preparing to go visiting teaching. My companion was getting treats together and I had a couple magnets and a couple of cd's to add to it. I had a hard time figuring out who should get a cd and which magnet to give. I prayed to have the spirit with me. I decided to take a cd to the first sister we visited. My companion saw the cd and said, "oh this is a great one that I have and my kids love this one song and love to play it over and over." The next woman we went to visit I was going to give the magnet to but remembering what my companion said I decided to give her the cd since she has young kids at home that might like that one song. The third sister we went to I had the magnet for. When we gave it to her she lighted up like a Christmas tree. She said, "I just saw this magnet last night and admired it and wanted it. I especially wanted my teenager to see it on the fridge. Maybe it will influence her." She looked at me like, "How did you know?" I felt the spirit confirm to me that Heavenly Father knows each of us and loves each of us. We are his children! He uses us to bless each others lives. JOY!
Love and Light~

Joy in my Heart...

My darling first born chose to be baptized. I'm so happy for her and the journey she has begun. More of my thoughts to come....
Love & Light~

Phone and purse

To be a kid....

Since I'm on my phone I'll make it short. I couldn't resist letting them put their hands in the flour and feel the cool soft texture. I washed their hands first. Bella cried when I quickly put the lid on. I paused and thought, "why not?" They were very happy!!